tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28176307577904227632024-03-12T21:36:31.184-07:00HenibeanLearning how to live amidst challenges and maintain health, sanity, creativity and balance.jadebiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06413526635637792044noreply@blogger.comBlogger147125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2817630757790422763.post-39451482709474427282024-01-23T06:31:00.000-08:002024-01-23T09:00:27.998-08:00<p> </p><p style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://turninghearts.com?sca_ref=5257224.I0sd6xR0w7" target="_blank"><b><span style="color: black;"> Turning Hearts Medallion</span></b></a><br /></p><p> </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjH67VHEjD59rjTff0uI0b-Omumd2Sc5Eghp4B38wktqA33Qy0LuQp_bKrnin4xW-X-8lLji9ATNfCp0iy0IqKuXZuZtMS9W232SeHYu4sBh4thTUKFphhCZxgovsgW38_bW_O3m1QiS-SwSunauXIVif8pKBsbC7oqtoguhXDRcopl40DMb1NczXP7qR3K/s640/IMG_0438(1).jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="360" data-original-width="640" height="294" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjH67VHEjD59rjTff0uI0b-Omumd2Sc5Eghp4B38wktqA33Qy0LuQp_bKrnin4xW-X-8lLji9ATNfCp0iy0IqKuXZuZtMS9W232SeHYu4sBh4thTUKFphhCZxgovsgW38_bW_O3m1QiS-SwSunauXIVif8pKBsbC7oqtoguhXDRcopl40DMb1NczXP7qR3K/w523-h294/IMG_0438(1).jpg" width="523" /></a></div><br /><p></p><p> </p><span style="font-family: trebuchet; font-size: medium;">Have you ever walked by a bench with a memorial plaque (or sat on
one) and reflected about the person whose name was written there? </span><p><span style="font-family: trebuchet; font-size: medium;">What
were they like as a person? What were they good at? What were their
hobbies? Who were their loved ones (who are now sadly left behind)? If
you are like me, this happens a lot. I see a name and try to image the
person they were. A life lived and now over.... and loved ones mourning
their loss. Beloved family and friends who want to somehow keep their
child, mum, dad, grandad, husband, wife, etc close and keep their memory and spirit
alive. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: trebuchet; font-size: medium;">When Heni died, if felt like not only her life had ended but the part of my life as her mother, carer and advocate had come to an end too. I
wanted to be able to continue to talk to people about her and tell them how
wonderful she was. I wanted people to ask questions about her and
remember her like I still do... and for a while they did.... until they
didn't. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: trebuchet; font-size: medium;">Unfortunately as time passes, other people around you get on with their lives (and rightly so) but the desire for
your dead loved one to be remembered continues on within you.<br /></span></p><span style="font-family: trebuchet; font-size: medium;"><br />Not long after Heni's death, we put a memorial bench in a really special place on the bank of Lake Windermere (In the Lake District/England) and from time to time I get a random email (via the blog) off someone who has been to that place... sat on the bench, looked out over the view and wondered about my daughter. It is so heart warming to read their messages of gratitude and peace (for providing a place for theme to sit, contemplate their life and that of their precious others) and of course to hear their thoughts on Heni.</span><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: trebuchet; font-size: medium;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg4_CxT28Hvwg_fLBv8tD8S6XugXPLlXMdU3kw0kQuU7Leyx82toDmhHqOdG99qzVgFYj-1HD7fDpOLUVl9MXQ_pT305YBE-bUIjhZfL8TWeeDat5zzWRgDgJ52I77MdZuLvBqNAmIOwbdxgiS8sRra-hSTJXEscUw7oX9vKiJMS0pKLD5o0xfJVqanExBR/s640/IMG_0451.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="480" data-original-width="640" height="335" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg4_CxT28Hvwg_fLBv8tD8S6XugXPLlXMdU3kw0kQuU7Leyx82toDmhHqOdG99qzVgFYj-1HD7fDpOLUVl9MXQ_pT305YBE-bUIjhZfL8TWeeDat5zzWRgDgJ52I77MdZuLvBqNAmIOwbdxgiS8sRra-hSTJXEscUw7oX9vKiJMS0pKLD5o0xfJVqanExBR/w446-h335/IMG_0451.jpg" width="446" /></a></span></div></div><span style="font-family: trebuchet; font-size: medium;"> </span><p></p><p><span style="font-family: trebuchet; font-size: medium;"> It's moving to think that they bothered to take time out to do a search, found this blog and got to learn an little bit about her too.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: trebuchet; font-size: medium;">So you can imagine my delight when I learned about the <a href="https://turninghearts.com?sca_ref=5257224.I0sd6xR0w7" target="_blank">TURNING HEARTS MEDALLION.</a>..</span></p><p><span style="font-family: trebuchet; font-size: medium;"> <br /></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: trebuchet; font-size: medium;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgRNZz0gkBZXYu9bNehhGniCUvCR1R66iMIWMOhNCnrgs694rSOShEiy9XgGMDmO-7hyud__f_feCLEFTWPfjqLugfbTeDNxA4FUK8DMSSAMkl5S7upwdbkX5nbAZIdyInuZH8gMG9v0pesYWmakAfIrS6_FcXM4L9bOuWCBS6t90nr1PVzT-AMqTJmYd62/s1440/A710F8BA-832B-468A-9945-5E46FAB5C243(2).JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1440" data-original-width="1440" height="441" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgRNZz0gkBZXYu9bNehhGniCUvCR1R66iMIWMOhNCnrgs694rSOShEiy9XgGMDmO-7hyud__f_feCLEFTWPfjqLugfbTeDNxA4FUK8DMSSAMkl5S7upwdbkX5nbAZIdyInuZH8gMG9v0pesYWmakAfIrS6_FcXM4L9bOuWCBS6t90nr1PVzT-AMqTJmYd62/w441-h441/A710F8BA-832B-468A-9945-5E46FAB5C243(2).JPG" width="441" /></a></span></div><p></p><p><span style="font-family: trebuchet; font-size: medium;">... a small aluminium square (that looks like slate) that you can attach to a bench, grave stone or memorial. It has a unique QR code, that when scanned with a phone camera, takes you directly to an online portal. Here you can learn more about that person. </span></p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: trebuchet; font-size: medium;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgv1uY1ojWvXceDgFbt_Ccqt1-M43Fa7G1aOmH6tbkfypVUk5GIIsV_Mtz8L8volhDmwCQyo12GI3yEbvEKB2tWPcwu5hhGwe1vq9V-gHYT9k7a09s3NSCLBcFOgNA__8hTRdkGrRPWpQ3ZVbzGpKVy7_MM4UG84pOrLGsRTGs4YZlCGRpylMGgSI30-nZx/s1440/3866BFEF-0701-4E7B-B1E6-87CA432C6CC2(3).JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1440" data-original-width="1440" height="455" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgv1uY1ojWvXceDgFbt_Ccqt1-M43Fa7G1aOmH6tbkfypVUk5GIIsV_Mtz8L8volhDmwCQyo12GI3yEbvEKB2tWPcwu5hhGwe1vq9V-gHYT9k7a09s3NSCLBcFOgNA__8hTRdkGrRPWpQ3ZVbzGpKVy7_MM4UG84pOrLGsRTGs4YZlCGRpylMGgSI30-nZx/w455-h455/3866BFEF-0701-4E7B-B1E6-87CA432C6CC2(3).JPG" width="455" /></a></span></div><span style="font-family: trebuchet; font-size: medium;"> </span><p></p><p><span style="font-family: trebuchet; font-size: medium;">I wanted one!! So I ordered one as a gift for my husband this last Christmas!</span></p><p><span style="font-family: trebuchet; font-size: medium;">Luckily we had already decided to spend Christmas and the New Year in the Lakes and so we were able to place the medallion on Heni's bench. Since then we have been uploading memories of her for others to see. I wanted to make it easier for people. Instead of googling, they can now just scan the QR code and be sent direct to Heni's portal. Here they can see pictures and videos of her and our lives... see her, feel her spirit and hear her precious giggles.</span></p><p></p><p><span style="font-family: trebuchet; font-size: medium;">When you actually SEE the person online like this....it makes it REAL...they are no longer just a name on a plaque... they are a PERSON. You get to see and hear what others have had, and lost.... you get to feel the love and a sense of the lives they lived. It becomes so much more than a bench. It's really quite special. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: trebuchet; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: trebuchet; font-size: medium;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhHbNxmEktWTyE97X07NqSjv_U5BwjK0OJq5wXLV5tBiJTDLrxcVM-b7Oj5kz6p9K_-JpFY3F2XZuJOHF5JarH93Nvm9Uf3rz6gFjk2-kqkqkMtbWB2NrDYCVqmHvPnH5Gemfs7VlznZ-yIQLQWMSu6h0Y6jpKuPTK3MfSkOk6x4ASlMK9FP8CHCyF2FGFP/s640/EFCF5F42-48CF-42D1-9140-F8579FC503E0(1).JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="640" data-original-width="640" height="443" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhHbNxmEktWTyE97X07NqSjv_U5BwjK0OJq5wXLV5tBiJTDLrxcVM-b7Oj5kz6p9K_-JpFY3F2XZuJOHF5JarH93Nvm9Uf3rz6gFjk2-kqkqkMtbWB2NrDYCVqmHvPnH5Gemfs7VlznZ-yIQLQWMSu6h0Y6jpKuPTK3MfSkOk6x4ASlMK9FP8CHCyF2FGFP/w443-h443/EFCF5F42-48CF-42D1-9140-F8579FC503E0(1).JPG" width="443" /></a></span></div><p></p><p><span style="font-family: trebuchet; font-size: medium;"> We decided that next time we go up to the Lakes we are going to have another square plate ordered and fix the medallion on to it at the side of the plaque (rather than on it). I think it will look better and be a better fixation. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: trebuchet; font-size: medium;">This is still a work in progress. As we gradually come across pictures and videos that we can upload, the portal will have more content. Anyone visiting the bench will be able to see and learn more about our special daughter. It also has a link back to this blog so that they can learn more of her story on here too. There is no limit to the amount of content you can upload and other people can become a contributor to the site too. They can also add their pictures and videos and memories of the person. To me this is truly magical...</span></p><p><span style="font-family: trebuchet; font-size: medium;"> If you would like to know more about the medallion you can follow this link:- <a href="https://turninghearts.com?sca_ref=5257224.I0sd6xR0w7">https://turninghearts.com?sca_ref=5257224.I0sd6xR0w7</a></span></p><p><span style="font-family: trebuchet; font-size: medium;">This has a unique link to me, and a small amount of any purchase of a medallion will paid to me. I see this as a way of being able to further the blog and make people aware of health and living, death, dying and supporting people during bereavement (I always keep a few free bereavement coaching/counseling slots for people who don't have the means to pay). I also will be able to maintain Heni's bench on an on going basis. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: trebuchet; font-size: medium;">I hope you will try it out by scanning one of the pictures of the QR code above... and go check out Heni's portal. Let me know what you think in the comments below. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: trebuchet; font-size: medium;">Do you think its a good idea? How do you think it will change someones experience of the memorial bench? How do you feel it can be improved?</span></p><p><span style="font-family: trebuchet; font-size: medium;">I personally would love to know how many people scan and visit the portal after seeing the QR code on the bench. I'd love to have access to those numbers as a user.....because as a bereaved mum... it tells me my daughter still matters and people are still interested in knowing her...</span></p><p><span style="font-family: trebuchet; font-size: medium;">jx<br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: trebuchet; font-size: medium;"> </span></p><p><span style="font-family: trebuchet; font-size: medium;"> <br /></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: trebuchet; font-size: medium;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZyXzSF-Cu7NnvBlql0-WRmdVtI1_a9yV5j6kFk96pNEBDJRPthrPd0pNfP8uTVNihsFzb7lWu5PtudvXORNpdh-owArNxgFKI_Id_Zbb6lRW_Jc667QFJ5OsAA4KHNwxuLkMb2esGMOSyIv4NGptrSBQVnI674FPQIn2jbyB0Ike4ohRQQNjON9QKqTMH/s640/IMG_0395(1).jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="360" data-original-width="640" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZyXzSF-Cu7NnvBlql0-WRmdVtI1_a9yV5j6kFk96pNEBDJRPthrPd0pNfP8uTVNihsFzb7lWu5PtudvXORNpdh-owArNxgFKI_Id_Zbb6lRW_Jc667QFJ5OsAA4KHNwxuLkMb2esGMOSyIv4NGptrSBQVnI674FPQIn2jbyB0Ike4ohRQQNjON9QKqTMH/w473-h266/IMG_0395(1).jpg" width="473" /></a></span></div><span style="font-family: trebuchet; font-size: medium;"><br /><br /></span><p></p><p><span style="font-family: trebuchet; font-size: medium;"> </span></p><p><span style="font-family: trebuchet; font-size: medium;"> </span></p><p><span style="font-family: trebuchet; font-size: medium;"> </span></p><p><span style="font-family: trebuchet; font-size: medium;"> </span></p><p><span style="font-family: trebuchet; font-size: medium;"> </span></p><p><span style="font-family: trebuchet; font-size: medium;"> </span></p><p> </p><p> </p><p> <br /></p><br />jadebiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06413526635637792044noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2817630757790422763.post-87313929122298166242022-04-25T12:40:00.001-07:002022-04-25T13:33:51.986-07:00<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><p><br /></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjyI3PS3SalqCStrUWrPIKUBB80mP4I9M8HtQoTh5EKYjDpTjMs6YArEdU2ejwURU59G5qfcdZx2ZBwScNxBGzNhFqwnaOB33ZaOV36EAdAqWIUJsHoC5T6qX4tScIBxTSXefccgLIyC8OR_4zhs0HvrWsECaxp0yru6VRvOqtehM_Ymk-92Yh3V8C5xw/s640/1E0387FB-D84E-45A1-993D-598415A74E48(6).jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="640" data-original-width="640" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjyI3PS3SalqCStrUWrPIKUBB80mP4I9M8HtQoTh5EKYjDpTjMs6YArEdU2ejwURU59G5qfcdZx2ZBwScNxBGzNhFqwnaOB33ZaOV36EAdAqWIUJsHoC5T6qX4tScIBxTSXefccgLIyC8OR_4zhs0HvrWsECaxp0yru6VRvOqtehM_Ymk-92Yh3V8C5xw/w400-h400/1E0387FB-D84E-45A1-993D-598415A74E48(6).jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br /><p>Last night I woke up in the middle of the night in distress, thinking about so many different things that are going on in my life right now and also many things that have occurred in the past. My mind was searching as to "why I feel the way I feel?"</p><p>As I lay there thinking and crying, remembering various events, I realised that I seem to feel this way over a similar period of time each year that passes..... and have felt this way over so many years that I've lost count! After hours of sleeplessness, It suddenly dawned on me that this was the time of year that we received a diagnosis for Heni before she was born....that she would have Edwards Syndrome, a severe chromosome abnormality with bleak prospects of life expectancy. It also dawned on me that this was the time of year that I received the news seven years previous to that, that my father had esophageal cancer and would likely die very quickly. To add to that It is also the time of year that I was given the news that my mother was on a quick decline and to return home as she was about to pass imminently. </p><p>The body remembers.... even if the mind sometimes tries to push it out of consciousness.... it gives us signs and hints as to what is still left unhealed..... and last night many things returned to consciousness and I felt validated that the reason "why" I was feeling what I was feeling was the remembrance of those anticipatory grief "triggers" that had been just simmering in the back drop of my mind still awaiting processing.<br /></p><p>Grief is by nature, complicated. Sometimes we deal with the emotions that emerge and sometimes we push them back down ready for them to reemerge at a later date further down the line. Sometimes we recognize the feelings for what they are and sometimes we don't know why we feel the way we do. There are many things that can side track us in every day life from our healing and there are old wounds that come up and sometimes hinder that healing too. </p><p>They say that time heals.... but it doesn't...it's not just time that counts, it's what we do with that time that matters. It's HOW we deal with the emotions/ feelings/ pain that is important... it's the WORK we do to overcome it, because without that work things stay put and time alone does nothing. Last night these thoughts came up ready to be healed.... and more work is needed and ahead. I've done a lot of grief work over the last five years both by myself, with counseling and as I studied to become a certified grief educator <a href="https://grief.com/" target="_blank">(Grief.com)</a>..... but it appears that there is still more left to do.<br /></p><p> </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgD_B1_kemvHVcQSl7R7sQYQZ-eMZ5Ni0iZCQc1i_iS8qnc-hJ3HX0MnqUcaddOFB-Ec4j_FGaJsAdWhHmsIwlBpdDW1mPmUP495DyFF94Ee42XDJSb9AETnuseevMacR7qHkvxNHRnyarUJsEoYnon6EQNZcM1NWcV1A-n7--mlgZehPEf764yGx7IxA/s960/196b58cb-a682-4ae1-af4a-e4a4da9f44a2(4).JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="960" data-original-width="846" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgD_B1_kemvHVcQSl7R7sQYQZ-eMZ5Ni0iZCQc1i_iS8qnc-hJ3HX0MnqUcaddOFB-Ec4j_FGaJsAdWhHmsIwlBpdDW1mPmUP495DyFF94Ee42XDJSb9AETnuseevMacR7qHkvxNHRnyarUJsEoYnon6EQNZcM1NWcV1A-n7--mlgZehPEf764yGx7IxA/s320/196b58cb-a682-4ae1-af4a-e4a4da9f44a2(4).JPG" width="282" /></a></div><p></p><p> </p><p>Grief takes time. It is the processing of information, feelings and emotions, the expression of the love that we had for our loved one...love left with no where to go anymore... a redistributing of that time , attention and space that our loved one occupied while here with us but is now left vacant. When they leave we need to learn how to grow life around that gaping hole that is left, and surround if with something different. <br /></p><p>it takes time to untangle the many things that come up and at times others can judge this process ...they can tell you that its taking too long, that you should be done by now and that you should be over it. You are never over it! It's like telling someone to stop loving the person who is no longer there. Yes, you move forwards but you take that person with you in your heart and find ways to honor them and keep them a part of your life even if their life is over. </p><p> So it's somewhat conflicting when the DSM is now categorizing "<a href="https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2008-09330-008" target="_blank">Prolonged grief</a>" as a disorder... a thing to be medicated and treated. So what IS actually a natural process of coming to terms with loss is now being pathologized and at the same time will become stigmatized. </p><p>I just listened to a discussion on line about this subject and I would highly recommend it. Grief experts discussing the downfalls of the DSM and confirming that grief is a natural process most of the time. Yes, sometimes people do get "stuck" in their grief but there are other ways of becoming unstuck without the extra stress and shame that a diagnosis may bring with it and the pressure from family and friends to push you through grief quicker than you can process. Not to mention the numbing that can be brought about by medication that stops that unraveling process in its tracks. Also all medication has side effects that need to be factored in too. Feelings need to be felt, moved though and expressed and as David Kessler is quoted as saying..."If you have 10,000 tears to cry you can't stop at 500", nor should you be made to. Each one needs to come out in it's own time and in it's own way. Have a listen to the discussion below..... you may just realize that prolonged grief is just plain old NORMAL after all!<br /></p><p><br /></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen="" class="BLOG_video_class" height="347" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/i_huqVolQzA" width="498" youtube-src-id="i_huqVolQzA"></iframe></div><p></p><p> </p><p>Until next time </p><p><br /></p><p>Jx<br /></p><p> <br /></p>jadebiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06413526635637792044noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2817630757790422763.post-87497584265949021532021-04-04T16:00:00.013-07:002021-04-05T06:17:32.461-07:00<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><b> Meditations on Grief</b><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;"></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjVAZwiTO6scnD1KDTRDlPYiZ1K1r-pp7sTRTUZ-zhm0tsMspbBX7-UBthpOQGVX4TfXTLOQx0y2XqtdW5VZPVIm0NVpiU3EX4Zhr9Pff0tBI96u7moL6WhdHm5FIwnnMXGIDIAz-Y0PTi6/s2048/IMG_4651.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1536" data-original-width="2048" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjVAZwiTO6scnD1KDTRDlPYiZ1K1r-pp7sTRTUZ-zhm0tsMspbBX7-UBthpOQGVX4TfXTLOQx0y2XqtdW5VZPVIm0NVpiU3EX4Zhr9Pff0tBI96u7moL6WhdHm5FIwnnMXGIDIAz-Y0PTi6/w640-h480/IMG_4651.jpg" width="640" /></a></div><p><br /><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><br />As many of you may know by now, (from reading the blog), we <a href="http://henibean.blogspot.com/2016/10/" target="_blank">lost our daughter </a>just over four years ago and life since that point has been a process of grieving and finding new meaning and purpose. Grief is a journey that doesn't end... the pain of the loss doesn't just go away. However, It does get more manageable and gradually bit by bit life starts enlarging around the pain in the middle. </span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">Its a tumultuous journey of ups and downs... at times you can grieve openly and other times you may feel like others just don't understand and you hide it away, trying to figure out what is acceptable or appropriate. You feel broken... but you learn that you are not broken... and you not only GO through the grief (as </span></span><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><a href="https://grief.com/" target="_blank">David Kessler</a>, a well known grief expert puts it) </span></span>but you GROW through it. You learn that you can't "DO" grief wrong and that its very individualized. </span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">I love what David says, when asked, "How long do you grieve?" His answer is so to the point..."How long is the person dead?".</span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">I also find the story that he tells... of how buffalo's run in to a storm to shorten the time that they will have to spend in the <b>worst part </b>of it. Most people do the opposite....people run away from grief and try and avoid the pain and emotional storms and in doing so often elongate the time that they spend in its epicenter. As the sayings go... what we resist persists! and "you can't heal from what you don't feel" <br /></span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"> <span></span></span></span></p><a name='more'></a><p></p><p><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"> </span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"></span></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQPIJaZHPGbbofan0l9dID04mroJ9dcQ6dj_gL1pOTyQWQUm81gyjBHz_fqbr_PyaADjkGNHeoLxhoYEQsu24arc6i2bLkVPK2Hk97KdljI7NX557PJY77L7KSdMFY7LLlGQsexuxvFUdk/s640/8D2EC3A4-0648-4941-BE77-9E6D94B834B8.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="640" data-original-width="640" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQPIJaZHPGbbofan0l9dID04mroJ9dcQ6dj_gL1pOTyQWQUm81gyjBHz_fqbr_PyaADjkGNHeoLxhoYEQsu24arc6i2bLkVPK2Hk97KdljI7NX557PJY77L7KSdMFY7LLlGQsexuxvFUdk/w400-h400/8D2EC3A4-0648-4941-BE77-9E6D94B834B8.JPG" width="400" /></a></span></span></div><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><br /> </span></span><p></p><p><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">You may have read that I am a Physiotherapist with an Integrative approach to treating my patients and this last year has brought much growth throughout lock-down as I have done personal and professional development and completed a number of courses. </span></span></p><p></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: small;">I studied ACT (Acceptance and commitment therapy for chronic pain), Functional Nutrition for chronic pain and <span>recently I completed another course with <a href="https://www.integrativepainscienceinstitute.com/faculty/" target="_blank">Dr Joe Tatta</a> at the <a href="https://www.integrativepainscienceinstitute.com/" target="_blank">Integrative Pain science Institute</a> on Mindfulness based pain reduction (MBPR). You might have guessed that I have and interest in Pain... both physical and emotional ... and there is good science that shows that you can't actually separate the two. </span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: small;"><span> I've had an interest in mindfulness for many years (see previous blog post on this subject <a href="http://henibean.blogspot.com/2015/04/beginners-mistakes-book-review-lost.html" target="_blank">mindfulness in 8 weeks</a><a href="http://henibean.blogspot.com/2015/04/beginners-mistakes-book-review-lost.html"> </a>and <a href="http://henibean.blogspot.com/2015/10/mindful-meanderings.html#more" target="_blank">mindful meanderings</a>) but wanted a certification that I could use with my patients as so many people suffer pain and loss, and as a consequence grief. <br /></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: small;"><span>At the end of the course I was asked to lead a compassion meditation in a zoom retreat with other professionals also studying this topic. </span></span><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: small;"><span><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span>As loss and grief are very real and experiential for me, </span></span>I decided that I wanted to do the meditation on this subject matter. And because many people who visit this blog are parents of Edwards Syndrome children (both living and deceased) I wanted to share the meditation, here on Henibean. It is however for anyone who is going through any type of loss (expectant grief included) or bereavement<span lang="EN-US">. I adapted a practice </span></span></span><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: small;"><span><span lang="EN-US"><span face=""trebuchet ms" , sans-serif">by Meli O'Brien (aka Mrs Mindfulness)</span> and have put both the new transcript and audio version in this post below. </span></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: small;"><span><span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: small;"><span><span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></span></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgvNuxkeUd0Q3mKgonaodsVeWewooJKhnmAxxFzWtvpHkPCqoilvgXtpD4Km-DdJAMAbcyH1gFgd3V2ZU3BiXJP24Ia-1aPum9kj5AFtOnlBoa7spTQaZlrpuJJJEbZknFAPTlV2f_72n3G/s640/EAAA423E-C2E7-4217-AE51-37CEF0A9BEA2.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="640" data-original-width="640" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgvNuxkeUd0Q3mKgonaodsVeWewooJKhnmAxxFzWtvpHkPCqoilvgXtpD4Km-DdJAMAbcyH1gFgd3V2ZU3BiXJP24Ia-1aPum9kj5AFtOnlBoa7spTQaZlrpuJJJEbZknFAPTlV2f_72n3G/w400-h400/EAAA423E-C2E7-4217-AE51-37CEF0A9BEA2.JPG" width="400" /></a></div><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: small;"><span><span lang="EN-US"> </span></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: small;"><span><span lang="EN-US"> </span></span></span><span style="font-size: small;"></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: small;"><span></span></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><span style="font-size: small;"><span lang="EN-US"></span></span><p></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: small;"><span><span lang="EN-US">The word compassion means to be with
suffering… so there is not greater time to adopt a compassionate approach (with yourself and or others), than after ANY type of loss. </span></span></span><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span lang="EN-US">It takes a lot of courage to grieve and to honour
the pain we carry after a loss… and In this practice, we look at turning
attention<b> towards</b> our
difficult emotions of grief, rather than suppressing or <b>running away</b> from and avoiding them. I can tell you from experience that when you ignore them... they come back and bite you on the metaphorical back side!</span></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span lang="EN-US"> </span></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: small;"></span><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span lang="EN-US"><span><span><span lang="EN-US"><span lang="EN-US"> </span></span></span></span></span></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span lang="EN-US"><span><span><span lang="EN-US"><span lang="EN-US">Grief is about our broken hearts but often our minds can take over and get in the way. </span></span></span></span>The key to the
practice therefore, is that instead of focusing on the ruminating thoughts we all have in our mind,
you allow yourself to feel what is happening in the physical<i> </i>body. What does it really
<b>feel</b> like in your body to feel the way you feel and allow the sensations to be there without getting carried away in thoughts that can make suffering worse. What if you curiously allowed those feelings to unfold, without censoring or suppressing them in any way, or being carried off in ruminating thought?</span></span></span><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span lang="EN-US"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Avenir Book";"> </span></span></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span lang="EN-US"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Avenir Book";"><span style="font-family: verdana;">So with the above question, <b>I invite you to try out the grief meditation below</b>. It's around ten minutes long, so go find yourself a nice quiet spot where you will be undisturbed......</span><br /></span></span></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span lang="EN-US"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Avenir Book";"><br /></span></span></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small;"><iframe frameborder="0" height="360" src="https://youtube.com/embed/768vjgvR5io" style="background-image: url(https://i.ytimg.com/vi/768vjgvR5io/hqdefault.jpg);" width="480"></iframe></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small;"></span><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Avenir Book"; font-size: small;">This
is the self-compassion meditation transcript for grief…</span><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Avenir Book"; font-size: small; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></div><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Avenir Book"; font-size: small;">I invite you to find a
comfortable posture... either standing in the traditional yoga mountain pose/</span><span style="font-family: "Avenir Book"; font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "Avenir Book";">tadasana</span> ), shoulder width apart with your feet grounding firmly in to the floor.... or if you prefer, find a comfortable sitting posture, spine erect and feet flat on the floor. </span><span style="font-size: small;">
</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Avenir Book"; font-size: small;"> </span><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Avenir Book"; font-size: small;">As
you settle in to the position you’ve chosen … lightly begin to close your eyes.</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Avenir Book"; font-size: small;">And
now drawing the focus of your attention to the breath…</span></p><span style="font-size: small;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Avenir Book"; font-size: small;">Breathe
all the way down in the belly… taking a few moments to allow your awareness to ride
the…ins and outs and shifting tides of the natural breath.</span></p><span style="font-size: small;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Avenir Book"; font-size: small;"> </span></p><span style="font-size: small;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Avenir Book"; font-size: small;">Following
the breath all the way in ……and all the way back out again.</span></p><span style="font-size: small;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Avenir Book"; font-size: small;"> </span></p><span style="font-size: small;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Avenir Book"; font-size: small;">Now,
remembering that there are many types of loss in life I invite you to think of
a loss you are experiencing. Perhaps it’s... </span></p><span style="font-size: small;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Avenir Book"; font-size: small;">The
loss of a job, </span></p><span style="font-size: small;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Avenir Book"; font-size: small;">The
loss of a beloved pet, </span></p><span style="font-size: small;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Avenir Book"; font-size: small;">The
loss of movement and activity</span></p><span style="font-size: small;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Avenir Book"; font-size: small;">A
heartbreak or the end of a relationship…</span></p><span style="font-size: small;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Avenir Book"; font-size: small;">It
may be the loss of a friendship or loss of freedoms that have been forced upon
us in these unsettling times… <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>OR the
loss of a loved one.</span></p><span style="font-size: small;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Avenir Book"; font-size: small;"> </span></p><span style="font-size: small;"></span><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Avenir Book"; font-size: small;">So
now I invite you to just take a moment to fully acknowledge your loss…</span><span style="font-size: small;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Avenir Book"; font-size: small;"> </span></p><span style="font-size: small;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Avenir Book"; font-size: small;">Let
the thoughts and story, the images, the feelings come to you naturally …</span></p><span style="font-size: small;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Avenir Book"; font-size: small;">First
taking a moment to notice the<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"> thoughts</b> in the mind about this loss. </span></p><span style="font-size: small;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Avenir Book"; font-size: small;"> </span></p><span style="font-size: small;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Avenir Book"; font-size: small;">And
now just dropping awareness out of your thoughts and moving it in to your body… and
beginning to tune in to wherever you are feeling the sense of discomfort, dis-ease
or grief in the physical body.</span></p><span style="font-size: small;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Avenir Book"; font-size: small;"> </span></p><span style="font-size: small;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Avenir Book"; font-size: small;">Tuning
in to where you feel the sensations the strongest…and gently making contact
with the cycling emotions of grief as it arises in your body in this moment. </span></p><span style="font-size: small;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Avenir Book"; font-size: small;"> </span></p><span style="font-size: small;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Avenir Book"; font-size: small;">Noticing
if your mind wants to take over …. With thoughts entering in…softly bringing
your attention back to the physical sensation of emotion.</span></p><span style="font-size: small;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Avenir Book"; font-size: small;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></p><span style="font-size: small;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Avenir Book"; font-size: small;">Now…
just inviting you to repeat the following phrases out loud or inside your head.. whichever feels comfortable.... in a gentle slow voice.</span></p><span style="font-size: small;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Avenir Book"; font-size: small;"> </span></p><span style="font-size: small;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Avenir Book"; font-size: small;">Repeating
them…. one by one.</span></p><span style="font-size: small;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Avenir Book"; font-size: small;">The
first phrase is </span></p><span style="font-size: small;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Avenir Book"; font-size: small;"> </span></p><span style="font-size: small;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: small;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Avenir Book";">“This is a moment of grief…..”</span></b></span></p><span style="font-size: small;">
</span><p><span style="font-family: "Avenir Book"; font-size: small;">And as an extension
to that phrase<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">…”grief is a normal and
natural part of human life…. I’m not alone in this.” </b></span></p><span style="font-size: small;">
</span><p><span style="font-family: "Avenir Book"; font-size: small;">As you listen to my
voice be aware that all humans face grief and loss... and vulnerability and
failure. And we are all doing the best we can, given the circumstances of our
life. </span></p><span style="font-size: small;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Avenir Book"; font-size: small;">And
now if you care to place a hand or both hands over your heart or wherever feels
soothing for you…. and feeling the warmth of your body and the rise and fall of the chest... and repeating the
following phrase….</span></p><span style="font-size: small;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Avenir Book"; font-size: small;"> </span></p><span style="font-size: small;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: small;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Avenir Book";">“May I be kind to myself in
this moment…”</span></b></span></p><span style="font-size: small;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: small;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Avenir Book";"> </span></b></span></p><span style="font-size: small;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Avenir Book"; font-size: small;">And
just for a few moments imagining that you can breathe a kind smoothing and
tender breath right in to the area you feel the pain or grief the strongest…</span></p><span style="font-size: small;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Avenir Book"; font-size: small;"> </span></p><span style="font-size: small;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Avenir Book"; font-size: small;">Softening…and
settling…in to this moment…breathing kindness and tenderness in to the
discomfort…tending to it as you would tend to a loved one that was hurting. </span></p><span style="font-size: small;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Avenir Book"; font-size: small;"> </span></p><span style="font-size: small;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Avenir Book"; font-size: small;">And
just for a few more moments holding your discomfort in this kind, tender
awareness. </span></p><span style="font-size: small;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Avenir Book"; font-size: small;"> </span></p><span style="font-size: small;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Avenir Book"; font-size: small;">And
then as we now begin to draw this meditation to a close I invite you to repeat one
more phrase…</span></p><span style="font-size: small;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Avenir Book"; font-size: small;"> </span></p><span style="font-size: small;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: small;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Avenir Book";">“May I give myself what I
need”</span></b></span></p><span style="font-size: small;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Avenir Book"; font-size: small;"> </span></p><span style="font-size: small;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Avenir Book"; font-size: small;">And
seeing if you can now find words for what it is you need in a time like this </span></p><span style="font-size: small;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Avenir Book"; font-size: small;"> </span></p><span style="font-size: small;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Avenir Book"; font-size: small;">Some
options may be …</span></p><span style="font-size: small;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Avenir Book"; font-size: small;">May
I be comforted.</span></p><span style="font-size: small;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Avenir Book"; font-size: small;">May
I forgive.</span></p><span style="font-size: small;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Avenir Book"; font-size: small;">May
I nourish and look after myself.</span></p><span style="font-size: small;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Avenir Book"; font-size: small;">May
I have the courage to speak up and ask for what I need</span></p><span style="font-size: small;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Avenir Book"; font-size: small;"> </span></p><span style="font-size: small;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Avenir Book"; font-size: small;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So just take a few moments to contemplate what
answers might arise. </span></p><span style="font-size: small;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Avenir Book"; font-size: small;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></p><span style="font-size: small;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Avenir Book"; font-size: small;">And
now once again inviting your awareness to land on the breath in the belly, noticing
the rising and falling sensations of the breath… and then take a long slow deep
breath in and a breath out…. and feel the contact points between your feet on the floor or your body and
the chair beneath you…Preparing also, to reconnect with the rest of your day…</span></p><span style="font-size: small;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Avenir Book"; font-size: small;">…and
now gently opening your eyes when you are ready…fully<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>alert and back in the room... </span></p><span style="font-size: small;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Avenir Book"; font-size: small;">…..well
done everyone! </span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Avenir Book"; font-size: small;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Avenir Book"; font-size: small;"> </span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjB-E2xt5fyTAcuIBF4FeXXJjdvFvo6FukFQkd2qB6zPuX3gBmKdVRJOhf5yh082fFYKJRLh14vRoEyY3VAqb3RrDW2FoIKkBdKvdkHA7HpJ5Oahpn41uhEgdrMny_9oqzHL8M971cJPgsr/s640/IMG_5312.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="640" data-original-width="480" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjB-E2xt5fyTAcuIBF4FeXXJjdvFvo6FukFQkd2qB6zPuX3gBmKdVRJOhf5yh082fFYKJRLh14vRoEyY3VAqb3RrDW2FoIKkBdKvdkHA7HpJ5Oahpn41uhEgdrMny_9oqzHL8M971cJPgsr/w480-h640/IMG_5312.jpg" width="480" /></a></span></div><span style="font-size: small;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Avenir Book"; font-size: small;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: small;">I hope that in some small way you have been able to witness the pain that you feel in grief and differentiate it from the suffering that can be brought about by the thoughts our mind bring up about a loss. I hope that you will be kind to yourself at such a difficult time.</span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Avenir Book"; font-size: small;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Avenir Book"; font-size: 14pt;"><span style="font-size: small;">Jx </span><br /></span></p>
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{page:WordSection1;}</style></p>jadebiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06413526635637792044noreply@blogger.com0London, UK51.5073509 -0.127758323.197117063821153 -35.284008299999996 79.817584736178844 35.028491700000004tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2817630757790422763.post-7222710606563283652020-05-10T06:32:00.000-07:002020-05-10T13:55:21.711-07:00Lockdowns and Liberations<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg7lAZnAegphpZTIRJTLDS6-im_wI8bQJ0rQ5IPbd4-QY3nOW0EgfXOdhIM7kLAwk83DzOlFMsrCFQbeBIcshAQFNUUwwFP3GhHh8-tHQT2Ztx0qu18O57NpRkYLDQiNzAJGZPwgz7RTDXA/s1600/D802A81D-5183-47ED-9B2E-F41134D2D48A.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="639" data-original-width="640" height="638" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg7lAZnAegphpZTIRJTLDS6-im_wI8bQJ0rQ5IPbd4-QY3nOW0EgfXOdhIM7kLAwk83DzOlFMsrCFQbeBIcshAQFNUUwwFP3GhHh8-tHQT2Ztx0qu18O57NpRkYLDQiNzAJGZPwgz7RTDXA/s640/D802A81D-5183-47ED-9B2E-F41134D2D48A.JPG" width="640" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">I just literally almost had a heart attack! </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">I haven't logged on to Blogger or on to Henibean for quite a while, but for some reason today I tried to access it through my <a href="https://www.instagram.com/jadebie/" target="_blank">Instagram </a>account and it said my accounts didn't exist anymore! I couldn't find them anywhere. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">I can't begin to tell you how my heart flipped upside down, inside out and fell into the nethermost parts of my stomach. The hours I have spent writing, musing, creating.... during <a href="http://henibean.blogspot.com/2015/07/incompatible-with-lifehappy-birthday-20.html" target="_blank">Heni's</a> last few years of life... the therapy that it was for me... the memories it contained... the source of hope that I pray it gave/gives other families in the same situation as us... all gone?</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5aMm5eP7SieBqyD1RZLVqmXv6dWQDq87YF2Wy7MY5yPgelXy5FFu1NM1vYtYF8qCAJtp8KhweMUMBPTjy-vrJVNqvfNry5FZc4EEfzFkQd2EwIKRELzAVOmXs_QejaENNkEGwtxSWeeoL/s1600/IMG_1731%25281%2529.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="480" data-original-width="640" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5aMm5eP7SieBqyD1RZLVqmXv6dWQDq87YF2Wy7MY5yPgelXy5FFu1NM1vYtYF8qCAJtp8KhweMUMBPTjy-vrJVNqvfNry5FZc4EEfzFkQd2EwIKRELzAVOmXs_QejaENNkEGwtxSWeeoL/s640/IMG_1731%25281%2529.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"> The prospect that it had ceased to exist made me panic, search frantically through the web...and </span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">fortunately, the heart attack was averted and was replaced by a skip in beat as my blog miraculously showed up before my eyes again.</span> Phew! </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">All of a sudden (amid the eagerness to find and keep what I had created), a desire to write something came leaping back again. Maybe nothing huge or grandiose but just a desire to share a little right now and to reach out and check that you are still there and that you are ok?</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">It's been a weird, surreal, almost dystopian time in the last few months hasn't it?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"> Just when I thought that we personally were nearing the zenith of yet another challenge allotted to us after having to move out of our home for the last 15 months (due to a water leak) and continuing with the ever onward ups and downs of the <a href="http://henibean.blogspot.com/2016/10/empty-chair-and-aching-heart.html" target="_blank">grief journey.</a>.. something else hits us... ALL of us, and changed the lives that we currently live and know.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">I'm no stranger to change. I'm well acquainted with challenges and bad news. Hey, I'm even best friends with self-isolation and can keep my own company rather well. There were often months at a time that I would stay home with Heni during her <a href="http://henibean.blogspot.com/2016/08/tunnels.html" target="_blank">prolonged</a> illnesses and shut the rest of the world out... living in our own little lockdown bubble. When we ultimately emerged from our own final "Heni bubble" we each had to work to adapt to a new status quo, look at what we had gained and lost... and </span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">learn how to live without her</span> and enquire "what next"? </span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjAnXWX5ew2y2yyQ6TEESGWYVbRPJcHn2KoIeHcgH8esC3mB6v43Hv2U3BIYzNkc3qgKEq83KgJRh8-M-xSIAZFib40U7b21IKRSh3Y7PNIvE_-_7dfHDKv5inWjF7f52nQsBA4g6_QSy4l/s1600/IMG_1730%25281%2529.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="480" data-original-width="640" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjAnXWX5ew2y2yyQ6TEESGWYVbRPJcHn2KoIeHcgH8esC3mB6v43Hv2U3BIYzNkc3qgKEq83KgJRh8-M-xSIAZFib40U7b21IKRSh3Y7PNIvE_-_7dfHDKv5inWjF7f52nQsBA4g6_QSy4l/s640/IMG_1730%25281%2529.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">....and so although lockdown with Covid19 has had its unique challenges for us personally, I'm cognisant of the fact that all lockdowns are not created equal. Some individuals have gained extra quality family time, community spirit, and a virtual couch to 5K medal... others have lost jobs, hope, and loved ones. Some have worked their socks off as key workers while others have caught up on sleep and self-care that they maybe haven't had for a very long time. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">On one hand, my lockdown has consisted of long daily walks, bike rides, runs, pilates, food, sleep, reading, virtual physio consultations with my patients, studying, tv, social media, gardening. However, this has been intermingled with boredom, feelings of displacement at not being in our own home and frustrations at our insurance company for being so useless on our house project. Also, the lack of clarity on the COVID situation and the seemingly inconsistent stories we have been told along the way has brought a certain level of distrust in what we are being fed by media. Mainly I've been regrouping and trying to get some much-needed energy back after what has seemed to be a very long slog of difficulties. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Here we ALL are... people from all corners of the globe in some stage or other of lockdown, and soon, potential liberation/emancipation. We are all going through different trials and "personal learning experiences" right now and we are all coping in different ways. When life resumes again (and it WILL), we will do it in our own way and in our own time and style... Some will emerge out of lockdown with a new direction and skillset, others with new talents and motivation. Some will emerge more emotionally battered, or even physically ...with bruises and broken marriages. </span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">BUT hopefully, the liberation that we will all feel will be a little more than the ability to </span></span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">go out of the house and be outdoors and</span></span> exercise whenever we want. I'd like to believe that we will all come out of this with somewhat more. </span> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Regardless of how we emerge from our governments' lockdowns that have been imposed upon us, </span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">I'd like to think that we will emerge having changed for the better. To surface with greater clarity for the future and having maintained our freedom to choose our way and live our own truth. Mostly to have gained a greater capacity to control our </span>individual reactions to adversity. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">I've always loved Victor Frankl's book, "man's search for meaning" and some of the quotations in it ring true in many circumstances... of both life and death, lockdown and liberation. So I thought I'd share a few with you below.</span><br />
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<img alt=" " class="hCL kVc L4E MIw" src="https://i.pinimg.com/236x/be/3c/bc/be3cbc134ed05d1c74860d9e0fe1bb09.jpg" /></div>
<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;"></span><img alt="Viktor Frankl Stoic Quote - TO CHOOSE ONE’S OWN WAY Canvas Print" class="image_preview_p8mXz" src="https://ctl.s6img.com/society6/img/nazIBmgTxBYXxOKtr54cHikvtwQ/w_700/canvas/~artwork/s6-original-art-uploads/society6/uploads/misc/2c9bc67c75424a3fa3ec2bfbd1e83932/~~/viktor-frankl-stoic-quote-to-choose-ones-own-way-canvas.jpg?wait=0&attempt=0" style="visibility: visible;" title="Viktor Frankl Stoic Quote - TO CHOOSE ONE’S OWN WAY Canvas Print" /><br />
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<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;"> “The meaning of life is to give life meaning.”</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;"> ―
</span><span class="authorOrTitle"><span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">
Viktor E. Frankl
</span> </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">So I guess what I am trying to say in a roundabout way is that although we didn't choose lockdown (like we don't choose many challenges in life), </span></span><span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"></span><span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">we all possess a capacity to choose how we will respond right now... and hopefully grow from it eventually as a result. I'd like to think that no matter what heartache or difficulty it may have brought for you personally, that you can know (like I know from my own previous learning with Heni) that there WILL be positive things that come out of it. All we have to do is look for them and wait while we </span></span><span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"></span></span><span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">each work to adapt to a new status quo, look at what we have gained and lost... and </span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">learn how best to live as we </span>look to "what next"? </span></span></span> </span></span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmI3C8NTefiegwCOQwjIG-irYUxW7DeRNdkca_vWYoprVtkbxnYUa4j0oBuXum6ENsqdpJ2CiyRzVkYtM7L3x2yFGtlPL94Pz_f0Gsp4kWQW7OjPt4kcIB4CUEvo58gR0uEktGKyfa7Axj/s1600/0B602739-1AEF-42CE-9086-ECAF424C5318.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1347" data-original-width="1124" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmI3C8NTefiegwCOQwjIG-irYUxW7DeRNdkca_vWYoprVtkbxnYUa4j0oBuXum6ENsqdpJ2CiyRzVkYtM7L3x2yFGtlPL94Pz_f0Gsp4kWQW7OjPt4kcIB4CUEvo58gR0uEktGKyfa7Axj/s640/0B602739-1AEF-42CE-9086-ECAF424C5318.JPG" width="534" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">I would be interested to know what you have done during your lockdowns and what they have taught you? What would you like your "new normal" to look like when you are finally liberated? I'd love you to message me on <a href="https://www.facebook.com/Henibean-158755564312371/" target="_blank">Facebook</a> or <a href="https://www.instagram.com/jadebie/" target="_blank">Instagram</a> or leave me a comment below. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">I am feeling so thankful that the blog still exists and I hope I'll be back writing again real soon ; )</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Know that I'm thinking of you all...until next time...</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Jx</span><br />
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jadebiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06413526635637792044noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2817630757790422763.post-86321210372965611502019-03-07T00:00:00.000-08:002020-05-10T14:05:02.845-07:00 Pain - self education resources<br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqEuj8ZIW-g_tzLnkIGMLQJsBJGRG0IGRXpKtKWj5OE3r1hZpmjlY06tonzgF3uqSOTPIi6CVQrZSZC9Cg-iVHbSUet_AtH41S2aQjWqrGyQnB0SHHaUSenxm6ywqyaWt2ggxhhy2F7Bjr/s1600/7-%253F.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="300" data-original-width="1200" height="100" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqEuj8ZIW-g_tzLnkIGMLQJsBJGRG0IGRXpKtKWj5OE3r1hZpmjlY06tonzgF3uqSOTPIi6CVQrZSZC9Cg-iVHbSUet_AtH41S2aQjWqrGyQnB0SHHaUSenxm6ywqyaWt2ggxhhy2F7Bjr/s400/7-%253F.png" width="400" /></a></span></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> </span></span></span></span></span></span></span><i id="yui_3_17_2_1_1551983196425_346"><span style="font-size: xx-small;">The above pain scale is by Allie Brosh </span><b id="yui_3_17_2_1_1551983196425_345"><a href="http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2010/02/boyfriend-doesnt-have-ebola-probably.html" id="yui_3_17_2_1_1551983196425_344" target="_blank"><br /></a></b></i><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I promised a while back that I would share</span></span></span> a few of my
favorite "go to's" that I've found useful for patients to learn more about pain
and how to get rid of it. </span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> </span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Here are a few below:-</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">1) </span></span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><a href="https://www.amazon.co.uk/Heal-Your-Pain-Now-Revolutionary/dp/0738219223/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1537642674&sr=8-1&keywords=heal+your+pain+now" target="_blank">Heal your pain now" by Dr Joe Tatta DPT, CNS</a></span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Part of my role as a physiotherapist is to</span></span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> </span></span>explain pain and work with my patients to help them to reduce/remove it from their lives. When</span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> I came across the book (below), I was really pleased to see that
it was a comprehensive "homework" resource that I could advise them to read between sessions. </span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> </span>This book </span></span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">is written to the lay person and will </span></span></span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">shows you how to move towards </span></span></span>health and a life either free of pain or better management of pain.</span></span></span></span>
It contains Information, knowledge and advice on how to work in partnership
with a therapist and also to take responsibility for
your own health and healing.</span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">A section of the book looks at how food can keep you in pain or how it can
be anti inflammatory. It</span></span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> includes </span></span></span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">three different </span>Nutritional protocols to aid </span>promote healing, repair and provide energy for
recovery. </span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">The "core nutritional healing protocol", explains why cutting out processed food, adding omega 3 fatty acids add photo-nutrients can help decrease inflammation. Then for more difficult cases
the "Gut healing protocol" will help show you why eliminating food
culprits that can cause inflammation and pain (gluten, GMO's, sugar,
dairy and eggs) can propel you on to greater healing. Last but not
lease, for more chronic conditions that are resistant to
improvement, it shows how a "ketogenic healing diet" (consuming more good
fats, eliminating grains, legumes and starchy carbs) can help with even
the most difficult of cases.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2UbqRoQt859O_xE9K7qH7u1ysh72STd8U-m27aQRrgELe3UFZQKpd4H0reRDFZnHgAMiINIcE098wdHm0i_to0e4VFbr1i53KHZ_xuuHoakPstu0-_GcDTDtm1a5fOgU0owbUcn3R74tZ/s1600/healthy-fats-food-arthritis-salmon-avocado-nuts-seeds.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="400" data-original-width="640" height="250" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2UbqRoQt859O_xE9K7qH7u1ysh72STd8U-m27aQRrgELe3UFZQKpd4H0reRDFZnHgAMiINIcE098wdHm0i_to0e4VFbr1i53KHZ_xuuHoakPstu0-_GcDTDtm1a5fOgU0owbUcn3R74tZ/s400/healthy-fats-food-arthritis-salmon-avocado-nuts-seeds.jpg" width="400" /></a></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">The
book weighs up the benefits of movement for healing and explores
resistance training, HIIT (High intensity interval training). It also looks at how pain can be changed/eradicated by looking at thoughts and beliefs about pain and by rewiring the brain (with such techniques as Graded motor imagery, visualization and healing
intention). </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">2) </span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><a href="http://www.drjoetatta.com/podcasts/" target="_blank">"The Healing pain podcast</a> by </span>Dr Joe Tatta</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">On which he interviews expert guests on the cutting edge of pain science and treatment. His guest come from many and varied disciplines of pain medicine, Physiotherapy/Physical therapy, Nutrition, Psychology, Personal development, Exercise and fitness (and many others). I highly recommend this to both practitioners and patients.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> 3) <a href="http://www.greenmedinfo.com/" target="_blank">Greenmedinfo </a></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">A repository of abstracts and articles on all natural health related research. You can look here for ones related to pain:-</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><a href="http://www.greenmedinfo.com/search/google-cse#gsc.q=pain">http://www.greenmedinfo.com/search/google-cse#gsc.q=pain</a></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">4) <a href="https://drhyman.com/" target="_blank">Dr Mark Hyman.com</a></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> Website contains various programs, articles, recipes and podcasts on healthy living and healing. Go here to check out one on pain :-</span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> <a href="https://drhyman.com/blog/2010/04/20/natures-ibuprofen-pain-relief-from-within/">https://drhyman.com/blog/2010/04/20/natures-ibuprofen-pain-relief-from-within/</a></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></span>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">5) Dr Josh Axe </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><a href="https://draxe.com/">https://draxe.com/</a></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Contains an A-Z of conditions, symptoms and natural treatment options and remedies.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">If you love healthy eating it provides an abundance of recipes and nutritional information on a variety of foods. This web site also contains information on anatomy, exercises, fitness and natural treatment options for common injuries.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">6)<a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed" target="_blank"> Pub Med.gov</a></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">...if you want to sink your teeth in to some more in depth articles, abstracts and research publications on practically any health related topic. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">7) <a href="https://www.naturalmedicinejournal.com/" target="_blank">Natural Medicine Journal </a></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">This is the official Journal of the American Assocaition of Naturopathic Physicians </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">https://www.naturalmedicinejournal.com/blog-tags/pain</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">....Just a few to explore for the time being! </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Let me know what you think in the comments below.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Until next time...</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Jx</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> </span></span><br />
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jadebiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06413526635637792044noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2817630757790422763.post-23685628840241923452018-09-29T00:00:00.000-07:002020-05-10T14:06:03.181-07:00<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhNCGTMCuwh7IViAXgRcymHGKBiMePioin63-cfQfCo19xPPosAO8WosIsb108eTKujC4nNHxp6d88pAfggtwJpraTnHPyCLWgTopYaOkiBRSj3yCdIJwQIMWrbx28AQ-l1dMSB50HXo-W8/s1600/pain-alarm-clock.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="413" data-original-width="643" height="409" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhNCGTMCuwh7IViAXgRcymHGKBiMePioin63-cfQfCo19xPPosAO8WosIsb108eTKujC4nNHxp6d88pAfggtwJpraTnHPyCLWgTopYaOkiBRSj3yCdIJwQIMWrbx28AQ-l1dMSB50HXo-W8/s640/pain-alarm-clock.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">PAIN.....The
first real episode was after lifting far too much weight during a
squatting session when I was <span style="font-size: small;">15</span>... the second major one, years later, lifting a
patient who decided they didn't want to stand anymore. After numerous sports injuries, four
babies and 21 years of lifting my disabled daughter<a href="http://Heni's story part 4 here" target="_blank"> (HENI)</a> my back was
pretty much shot to pieces. I, like many of you have suffered chronic
pain for years. Even though looking in from the outside I can still run and exercise
etc, there hasn't been a day in a very long time without feeling Pain. I
understand pain intimately, (experientially as well as academically) and
I've worked hard (<a href="https://www.blogger.com/null" target="_blank">since Heni passed away) </a>to reduce it, and hopefully eliminate it from my life once and for all.</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWZ35frkOKFG2eSMIxMXC0HLHZ6z_JQAL7l6L0gP4VWnH66QWk8eUGDYw5sqa2n2e955oMI048T4OJMsAdP8shJSYj3e_uotYTByDNYtDGbmvVttSuDXFicDdgA9vh_dCFD0S3K4UgQk-A/s1600/pain.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="324" data-original-width="464" height="278" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWZ35frkOKFG2eSMIxMXC0HLHZ6z_JQAL7l6L0gP4VWnH66QWk8eUGDYw5sqa2n2e955oMI048T4OJMsAdP8shJSYj3e_uotYTByDNYtDGbmvVttSuDXFicDdgA9vh_dCFD0S3K4UgQk-A/s400/pain.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Pain
is perhaps one of the most common reasons for someone to visit a
physiotherapist such as myself. It can come in multiple forms and be
associated with a range of injuries and musculo-skeletal conditions/
disorders, ranging from arthritis, to the most common neck, headache
and back issues (like mine). It's something that most of us experience
at some point in our lives and is something that practically everyone
would like to do without... me included!</span><br />
<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjIhEhFYTjm42WzNF0ehL_2dWTTZiCyczgUJFWx0uaCT3iACgZNWk1Zq0Q4Bntt9IGC7qPcY7iRC9rMst0yENA7921v9TXywLbsgbic8ee8qewltK4-Ngo5l2vTo0RQKKL4A2H40fJ7NCf_/s1600/Back-pain-blog.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="448" data-original-width="336" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjIhEhFYTjm42WzNF0ehL_2dWTTZiCyczgUJFWx0uaCT3iACgZNWk1Zq0Q4Bntt9IGC7qPcY7iRC9rMst0yENA7921v9TXywLbsgbic8ee8qewltK4-Ngo5l2vTo0RQKKL4A2H40fJ7NCf_/s320/Back-pain-blog.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
<br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Pains
main job is to serve as a positive alarm, to notify us of a problem
that needs our
attention. Most people just shut the alarm off by taking pain killers,
but if we heed it and listen, and take it seriously, it can be an
empowering motivator to "wake up". It can help us find answers how to
change and do things differently... to create healing and be rid of this
friendly foe
once and for
all.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">If
we fail to heed its message it can stay around and linger far longer
than it is welcome and become difficult to eradicate</span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">. </span><br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgV__NbMRNERcLVjiYwXDItq52wxN7y_DssRFFw254nGYVSq2X515oRDB7Ezd_zWbo7PvlfYNhSwsH2g6qm1MYEu-LRwft6e2cPhMgg5OzB3PjOT76-TQQgT0nWpvM555lxuI6p2ZMhSX0L/s1600/images.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="189" data-original-width="267" height="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgV__NbMRNERcLVjiYwXDItq52wxN7y_DssRFFw254nGYVSq2X515oRDB7Ezd_zWbo7PvlfYNhSwsH2g6qm1MYEu-LRwft6e2cPhMgg5OzB3PjOT76-TQQgT0nWpvM555lxuI6p2ZMhSX0L/s320/images.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> </span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Some types of pain like my initial "squatting injury" can be created by tissue trauma and local inflammation</span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">.
In my instance, lifting incorrectly with too much weight, an immature
body and with faulty bio-mechanics. It took a while to heal but I never really sought any good quality treatment back then and it was
never quite the same again. I was left with a deficit in flexibility of some spinal segments and lacked strength.</span></span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> But loss of strength and movement was not the only cause as to why it continued.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Subsequent fear of
further pain, avoidance of moving normally, and
anxiety about what the pain means personally in our lives </span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">can compound a simple injury and make it
worse.</span> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">You
may recognize this in yourself? After an injury </span></span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">have you ever asked yourself the questions...can I
still exercise? How much pain is ok? Will it ever be the same strong back again?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">We
tend to think of pain being located
in an area of the body that hurts (e.g. the back)... the pain signals go up
to the brain from the hurt area and we become consciously aware of it (bottom up route). However, </span></span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">regardless
of what the cause of the pain, or where in the body it's felt, signals
are all processed within the central nervous system and brain.<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> Therefore other areas of the brain that are associated with our thoughts and emotions, </span></span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> </span>can also become involved in the process. This series of connections can fire together and highly influence</span> how the signal of pain is perceived</span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> and can be just as responsible for intensifying or even creating
it </span></span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">(top down route).</span></span> </span> </span><br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh3S_OftrhoeiGqCtmFMN8AOL8HPMLS9JJZX3V7WoKmrRjfKfeJzPQDXJ4FQhKrnAGJ2awnDuqsf3rk3F2CFwGaxQ3ZYnORUNxIAmi7vfR7YvtWQbsdolXcfVlQLfpcCpHLPldQ-MnMcLjP/s1600/emotion-fig2-lg.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1297" data-original-width="1600" height="323" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh3S_OftrhoeiGqCtmFMN8AOL8HPMLS9JJZX3V7WoKmrRjfKfeJzPQDXJ4FQhKrnAGJ2awnDuqsf3rk3F2CFwGaxQ3ZYnORUNxIAmi7vfR7YvtWQbsdolXcfVlQLfpcCpHLPldQ-MnMcLjP/s400/emotion-fig2-lg.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"></span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Hence subsequent bouts of pain and memories of the previous physical pain,
together</span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> any emotional type pain can increase the sensation of how
it is felt. </span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Negative thoughts about life events can lead to </span></span></span></span>stress hormone production which can also wreak havoc on it.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">The "positive pain" signal from an acute injury, if not stopped over time, can</span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> lead to chronic pain and <a href="http://www.instituteforchronicpain.org/understanding-chronic-pain/what-is-chronic-pain/central-sensitization" target="_blank">"central sensitization"</a> where the brain intensifies and creates
pain long after the local trauma and inflammation have healed and gone. This </span>misfiring
of information can mislead the person to the pains true whereabouts.
The injury may be fully healed locally but pain can still be felt there.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Other
types of pain can stem from systemic inflammation which is at the root
cause of most chronic diseases. It can be created by the foods we eat,
food intolerance, nutritional imbalance, extra weight, environmental
toxins, genetic
susceptibilities etc. Belly fat in particular is metabolically active
and creates inflammatory chemicals and hormones which increase pain. </span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">A viscous cycle can arise from pain and a sedentary lifestyle which can lead to further weight gain and even more pain</span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">.</span>
If not stopped this can become extremely challenging to manage and
reverse ...often the cause of pain is not as straight forward as we think and can be due to a mix of a number of the above factors. But do these varying pathways to pain have to be
this way and do we have to suffer endlessly?</span><br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-Icvz90osf0bj9TWpaRPR5x9MjastNBvEaGZLaMPd-1ijGN4JEvrcFfOJn8JBZUa65aTqG_b1r5grwf80rGKAjpe4WWMJqdLlwIzROaHjOpuGMurmWqxOjBE2oyPGQiRhW4pfGb-1r2KO/s1600/pain-scale.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="800" data-original-width="1600" height="160" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-Icvz90osf0bj9TWpaRPR5x9MjastNBvEaGZLaMPd-1ijGN4JEvrcFfOJn8JBZUa65aTqG_b1r5grwf80rGKAjpe4WWMJqdLlwIzROaHjOpuGMurmWqxOjBE2oyPGQiRhW4pfGb-1r2KO/s320/pain-scale.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Pain is a purely subjective phenomena ... making it rather difficult to measure </span></span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">and as mentioned above it is reliant on a persons thoughts, experience and
perceptions.</span></span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"></span></span> </span></span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Only
the individual knows exactly how much pain is present! (unless you
visit a neuroscience lab where researchers are making headway in
documenting pain brain patterns!)</span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">The International Association for the Study of Pain defines pain as both
<b> "...a noxious SENSORY and EMOTIONAL experience."</b> therefore if you only treat pain from a physical viewpoint you will be missing a lot of the picture.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">The pain I experienced required a multi-pronged attack. Here are a few of the things that helped:</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">1) </span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Physiotherapy...mobilizations to address physical limitations such as loss of
spinal segmental movement and range, and worked on gaining back strength through a graded
regime from gentle to more vigorous rehab with exercise programs including hydrotherapy and... </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">2) </span>Pilates... for core control, strength and flexibility </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">3) Diet...was equally
necessary to make sure the right nutrients are available for healing </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">4) Nutritional deficiency testing.... together with a supplementation program (I used vitamin and mineral supplementation, homeopathic and herbal products when appropriate)</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">5) Food intolerance testing... and elimination of foods causing immune triggers.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">6) Hormone balance testing</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">7) Water ....not missing out on the equally important factor of working on hydrating the body properly. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">8) Stress Management..... was and still is a key issue. Mindfulness, meditation and modalities like CBT(Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) and counseling (I chose to seek grief counseling to help with the processing of emotions of life with Heni and her death) can all be useful tools to help look at thoughts differently, create self awareness and
release of false beliefs/fears. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">9) Sleep...to get enough rest and repair...(probably the hardest for me) </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">10) Find and work with people who know what they are doing. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">11) Faith, Hope and Prayer that pain can and will improve. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> My
back has come a long way... It still needs me to address some residual issues, but all of the above are important adjuncts to purely physical treatment. </span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRIKK6GnJIwpKvoG-wgRfiXjEKBI6ykR_MM26qx38Q7K34QouLyYzsAjTCEewGc1qS2fI1EeLS_NxhoSZqaZ8a_hhYzgrQvmhGQaDc4HA7mLDSTDUC2z4yBOptbDJRpqnu65wssnemejtM/s1600/totalhealth.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="245" data-original-width="260" height="376" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRIKK6GnJIwpKvoG-wgRfiXjEKBI6ykR_MM26qx38Q7K34QouLyYzsAjTCEewGc1qS2fI1EeLS_NxhoSZqaZ8a_hhYzgrQvmhGQaDc4HA7mLDSTDUC2z4yBOptbDJRpqnu65wssnemejtM/s400/totalhealth.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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<br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">If
you have been in pain for longer than you would like to be, I recommend
that you listen with interest to it and explore the different aspects of your
life that may be out of balance and need some attention.</span></span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Take a step back and look at the bigger picture! </span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> </span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">It can be a good idea to find a therapist that can help you or guide you in the right direction. It's often overwhelming to find information and work everything out by yourself. Knowledge is power
and the greater understanding you can gain about health and healing will
always stand you in good stead.... however, there is no substitute for
application and consistent effort in putting that information to good use! </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">So if you are interested in learning more, come back soon to read the next blog post in which I will be sharing a few of my
favorite resources that I've found useful for learning more about pain
and how to get rid of it. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Until then,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Jx</span>jadebiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06413526635637792044noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2817630757790422763.post-24556605122979778182018-07-20T00:00:00.000-07:002020-05-10T14:06:20.185-07:00 A New love?<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihvYpOp0LqFVNfjCdG2mUoW0RBBQxqfNYhI2r_7zBVnwwtfz59Nw5ypGYo9tjrSYuemn-s6iO2DgiTiHBm0DwiLy6_yzNZFM0HN1GrfeH_QagHH6fEY7sn9TrEIY59TcXyWnFQ1UBd4CTc/s1600/IMG_2729.GIF" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="640" data-original-width="480" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihvYpOp0LqFVNfjCdG2mUoW0RBBQxqfNYhI2r_7zBVnwwtfz59Nw5ypGYo9tjrSYuemn-s6iO2DgiTiHBm0DwiLy6_yzNZFM0HN1GrfeH_QagHH6fEY7sn9TrEIY59TcXyWnFQ1UBd4CTc/s640/IMG_2729.GIF" width="480" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">It's been a while since I had the desire to write on here..... but
something just keeps pulling me back. Maybe my reluctance thus far stems
from the fact that Heni (who my blog centered around) is no longer
here. It's a year and 9 months since she passed away... and
yesterday, the (19th of July) we celebrated what would have been her 23rd
birthday at the beach.</span><br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEglvklfj3s6KRCpIYA21tgGyj0CnTw49P5so4B6CJKgf2vy5z-RYcYFX6ywai47qyPolVDRXRplQeX0WaOIC37_ILKRYQgWHwVDyUq5ystTKAMACKLkaZW4Y4GUdHwZaU92cCk0z1cqkjJR/s1600/IMG_3074.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="640" data-original-width="480" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEglvklfj3s6KRCpIYA21tgGyj0CnTw49P5so4B6CJKgf2vy5z-RYcYFX6ywai47qyPolVDRXRplQeX0WaOIC37_ILKRYQgWHwVDyUq5ystTKAMACKLkaZW4Y4GUdHwZaU92cCk0z1cqkjJR/s640/IMG_3074.jpg" width="480" /></a></span></div>
<br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Henibean was originally written around my
life with <a href="http://henibean.blogspot.com/2015/04/henis-story-part-1.html" target="_blank">Heni </a>...a Trisomy 18 warrior... the whole blog was pretty much a record of how I tried
to keep some semblance of health, sanity, creativity and balance in my
life and family throughout her last few years of life.</span><br />
<a name='more'></a><br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh8BEc1ViYPtrTDGRYZxN3CbWSrZnX4jqnN0q8fkgrQKd4Tkhbej75YMe9IkEy9DXGnnvdb1k8_oTq_bIOj-GubG05cnd4X0k45IvWJEkK5Gg5quqXwdwWjG1Aiz_CEhlBBUXy_ZbFZ_PIH/s1600/IMG_2926.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="480" data-original-width="640" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh8BEc1ViYPtrTDGRYZxN3CbWSrZnX4jqnN0q8fkgrQKd4Tkhbej75YMe9IkEy9DXGnnvdb1k8_oTq_bIOj-GubG05cnd4X0k45IvWJEkK5Gg5quqXwdwWjG1Aiz_CEhlBBUXy_ZbFZ_PIH/s640/IMG_2926.jpg" width="640" /></a></span></div>
<br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Since
her <a href="http://henibean.blogspot.com/2016/10/empty-chair-and-aching-heart.html" target="_blank">passing,</a> my world has changed dramatically and hence I feel the
need to change direction somewhat and develop the blog too. Whilst maintaining the history
of Heni within it, I would like to now write more about one of my other love/passions...
health and healing.</span><br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivxpLbyMVVi_4zGPsQjmNttuuYhBdKltNDpHlsSw1J7FnJZtxxJQoiCiF6AcRdsHysxjGjL6LPVoC7kUEepR8zea3nWKOJGtN1tqIUQAzx56OE8Zdef0Ke1pFIa8-gEO1sh23VQp5W-s_3/s1600/IMG_3085.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="480" data-original-width="640" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivxpLbyMVVi_4zGPsQjmNttuuYhBdKltNDpHlsSw1J7FnJZtxxJQoiCiF6AcRdsHysxjGjL6LPVoC7kUEepR8zea3nWKOJGtN1tqIUQAzx56OE8Zdef0Ke1pFIa8-gEO1sh23VQp5W-s_3/s640/IMG_3085.jpg" width="640" /></a></span></div>
<br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Health and illness was something I
learned a great deal about while Heni was still here with us. Not only
did I learn from her specific health challenges, but my own health issues
taught me much and gave me the experience of what a lack
of health can bring..... and of course consequently the ongoing recovery
journey back to
health again. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">During my "free" time, my escape was often with a health
related book...reading and studying a variety of subjects...or if I
could escape for longer, I enjoyed going on a course or two or more! </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">This last year has taken me on other learning
experiences too...firstly dealing with and navigating through my <a href="http://henibean.blogspot.com/2016/11/100.html" target="_blank">grief</a>, and secondly spending time concentrating on building back reserves of
health, fitness, wellness and resilience. </span><br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-mgMbCKbFe-s3jeBpZ2z_npkoya96PGuIcPLp3v0Rc25v0f_MF7zc0xRE97ysavcJel0YloNB7wcFXPQKsQrXtMotLC_9sE2JZ2pu4oeC-r1MwURlkXKC0ASKE5kt_25MGU6MFNz6dVEQ/s1600/IMG_2883.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="480" data-original-width="640" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-mgMbCKbFe-s3jeBpZ2z_npkoya96PGuIcPLp3v0Rc25v0f_MF7zc0xRE97ysavcJel0YloNB7wcFXPQKsQrXtMotLC_9sE2JZ2pu4oeC-r1MwURlkXKC0ASKE5kt_25MGU6MFNz6dVEQ/s640/IMG_2883.jpg" width="640" /></a></span></div>
<br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I've also spent time "up
skilling" and searching for what I now want to do with my life (that age old question we all ask ourselves!) I'm not completely there yet with the answer to that one but my journey thus far within my profession as a physiotherapist has
taken me back into practice. Whilst physiotherapy
at first sight appears to be a "physical" therapy, my interest firmly remains and
continues to be within the realms of treating the whole
person...incorporating nutrition, and mind, body and spirit in to the
equation. My other qualifications ... (Naturopathic Iridologist/health/Life coaching/ mindfulness practitioner) tend to help with this balance. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEghvs1v8VVf94HqXZPzfLrLOzrQJCh9WTKUbGXoGJAvfiTji4ZcoMorfysIqmlWEQLg-w-TBZraWim5FeBM7lYT3VRoK6xcoXoYNAbgzi4F5HW8-0JVwn_qM-VNy_uZA7W6L7Oloj6yywgg/s1600/IMG_2787.jpg" imageanchor="1"><img border="0" data-original-height="640" data-original-width="480" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEghvs1v8VVf94HqXZPzfLrLOzrQJCh9WTKUbGXoGJAvfiTji4ZcoMorfysIqmlWEQLg-w-TBZraWim5FeBM7lYT3VRoK6xcoXoYNAbgzi4F5HW8-0JVwn_qM-VNy_uZA7W6L7Oloj6yywgg/s320/IMG_2787.jpg" width="480" /></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">In the future, therefore, I am hoping to bring
some more of this in to my practice and in to Henibean. I'd like to share some of the insights that I have already gained...and continue on with my search for knowledge
and some of what I hope to learn in the future. The blog will therefore be
a way of condensing my own thoughts and continuing professional development and be a way of
sharing some of this with you. I guess that gives me a massive scope for
subject matter.... and you could see anything from an injury to nutrition, to
chronic pain, mindfulness, here in the future.... basically anything that is related to
health/wellness and the understanding of it. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I also reserve the right to just share something of my life and things that I enjoy doing and creating (especially some of the photos I love to take) as well! (you can follow my daily heart photos on <a href="https://www.instagram.com/jadebie/" target="_blank">instagram)</a></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I do Hope this will be of interest and
of use to you and that you will have a desire to continue coming back to visit Henibean in the future.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Thanks for all your support and
for sticking with me thus far and I would like to extend a welcome to any of you
who have stumbled upon these pages for the very first time. Please take a look
around at the previous posts (Heni is quite the miracle!) and I hope that you will join me again soon.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Have a great week </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Jx </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"></span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Heni's story part 1 <a href="http://henibean.blogspot.co.uk/2015/04/henis-story-part-1.html" target="_blank">here</a></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Heni's story part 2 <a href="http://henibean.blogspot.co.uk/2015/05/henis-story-part-2.html" target="_blank">here</a></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Heni's story part 3 <a href="http://henibean.blogspot.co.uk/2015/07/heni-story-part-3.html" target="_blank">here</a></span>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Heni's story part 4 <a href="http://henibean.blogspot.co.uk/2016/02/henis-story-part-4.html" target="_blank">here</a></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Heni's 21st <a href="http://henibean.blogspot.co.uk/2016/07/21-today.html" target="_blank">here</a></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Empy chair and an aching heart <a href="http://henibean.blogspot.co.uk/2016/10/empty-chair-and-aching-heart.html" target="_blank">here </a></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">100%<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">?<a href="http://henibean.blogspot.co.uk/2016/11/100.html" target="_blank"> here</a></span></span><br />
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<br />jadebiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06413526635637792044noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2817630757790422763.post-52840144413649729962018-03-18T00:00:00.000-07:002018-09-29T08:57:12.882-07:00World Trisomy 18 awareness day <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjOEV8weFyw-fP-z0iSRnzmvwCG3csG8FEzOGOZIFDcDMmlGNtjsIUkDnh2PDxrZRNB7Ikmub8WMZhU6cNWREmfkWKSlG2wCUrwYBvajU2wJ7AV74hIdSirxe9cLS6ENvA4QMljq0E_M8AA/s1600/IMG_1824.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="960" data-original-width="960" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjOEV8weFyw-fP-z0iSRnzmvwCG3csG8FEzOGOZIFDcDMmlGNtjsIUkDnh2PDxrZRNB7Ikmub8WMZhU6cNWREmfkWKSlG2wCUrwYBvajU2wJ7AV74hIdSirxe9cLS6ENvA4QMljq0E_M8AA/s640/IMG_1824.JPG" width="640" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">It's Sunday the 18th of March 2018....World Trisomy 18 awareness day (and month)!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">It seems like forever since I last wrote anything here on the blog and I've missed it... but It's been a journey of many ups and downs and even now over one year on from losing Heni, our Trisomy 18 warrior, it's still really hard and a constant daily battle. A journey of adjustment to life without her.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">However, despite the lack of motivation that I often have (to put words about how I feel down here on these pages) I didn't want today to slip by and NOT remind myself (and you) of the enormous blessing that my daughter was and that all of these precious little souls with T18 are.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">We are especially grateful to have had Heni with us for over 21 years...a lot longer than the average! Some would say it was a miracle that she lasted so many years... and it truly was. Heni never had her heart mended, had minimal intervention, and we tried as best we could to give her a life free from hospitals and the pain and discomfort that they often bring... that was our choice and it worked for us and for Heni. However, I know that other parents would chose differently but unfortunately they are frequently denied the ability to access the often needed medical procedures that they would like for their children.</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhnQDZVTzyG55xNqUH6ijIwhyphenhyphensEgN-uqWpFXdXOQI6SAWPvz7Sz6nZb9li1Prz2Y97hD8UJY1zyrbEZqhVg5iC8Lj0i0kBJdJb3AxFF2BOerRGBEpiPCGx6uk4Gu7Jv9hVrJVnTBnrUnTf8/s1600/IMG_1309.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1280" data-original-width="960" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhnQDZVTzyG55xNqUH6ijIwhyphenhyphensEgN-uqWpFXdXOQI6SAWPvz7Sz6nZb9li1Prz2Y97hD8UJY1zyrbEZqhVg5iC8Lj0i0kBJdJb3AxFF2BOerRGBEpiPCGx6uk4Gu7Jv9hVrJVnTBnrUnTf8/s640/IMG_1309.jpg" width="480" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">A lot of the medical profession still see Trisomy 18 children as being "incompatible with
life", and doom many of these precious kids to a death sentence by this denial. I've seem countless stories on Facebook support pages from far too many parents about the denial of tube feeding, heart corrective surgery and so many other life saving interventions. How can this be? Isn't one life just as precious as another... despite the "seeming lack" that some children are born with? </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I'm pleased to say that there are many Trisomy organizations (and parents) throughout the world who are doing a much needed job of educating professionals and spreading the word, changing perceptions and hearts along the way. They are also giving hope and courage to new parents who are often sent reeling in to shock when faced with such a devastating diagnosis. </span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiMh3PiJR8OwuK4OTrdyZbFP_V8qrs9Y4cgZjabWe4bQGIHKv6nVXkCbMYBNz1ZiPGKAmBiLJKrVYjRCOYaEmZtTlsh-7rqqAPP3bljIkkH_rb3TNAHrY7JMB64LYa5BdI6PbNcOMCCYZW4/s1600/IMG_4911.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1600" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiMh3PiJR8OwuK4OTrdyZbFP_V8qrs9Y4cgZjabWe4bQGIHKv6nVXkCbMYBNz1ZiPGKAmBiLJKrVYjRCOYaEmZtTlsh-7rqqAPP3bljIkkH_rb3TNAHrY7JMB64LYa5BdI6PbNcOMCCYZW4/s640/IMG_4911.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">The world at large are also often in
ignorance of the innate value of what these children can bring to life and are unaware of the
love and lessons that they share ...even during the briefest of sojourns through it.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">That is why stories of families and children who do survive are so hugely important in
this educational process and to that I have tried to add my voice and would like to again today. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Yes, we have shed many tears and felt much heartache during Heni's 21 years, but she was definitely compatible with life in many ways, and lived life to the fullest that she could. She needed full time care, needed help with everything, but she also gave back to life so much more than she took out. She was able to teach many lessons, gave so much love to everyone along the way and brought a mountain of joy </span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">during her lifetime</span>. Although hard, I would never wish to have been without this learning and experience and feel that I am so much the better for having had her in my life. </span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLztZgMpk-XvK7h1zNHBV3ia58ZIouQA-q5Ox2e49sltulr4AUq54ZU5pb-0M55x86dEc2ZBqeEQYXywFOra5fTkrsrAUxVMpys-N4SH0x5CmDvuYexxL031gegg3cAUdBfJMru7heHGV9/s1600/DSC00709.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLztZgMpk-XvK7h1zNHBV3ia58ZIouQA-q5Ox2e49sltulr4AUq54ZU5pb-0M55x86dEc2ZBqeEQYXywFOra5fTkrsrAUxVMpys-N4SH0x5CmDvuYexxL031gegg3cAUdBfJMru7heHGV9/s640/DSC00709.JPG" width="640" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">So on world Trisomy 18 awareness day I would like to ask one favour of you, and that is ....if you know any medical professionals who are still under the misconception that these children are a waste of medical resources or the right to life.... I would kindly ask you to point them in my direction and share Heni's story with them. OR better still send them to one of the support organisations that can share educational resources with them and enlighten them of the right to life </span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">and immense value</span> of these precious kids.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Jx </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">If you would like to know more about Heni you can read more here </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Heni's story part 1 <a href="http://henibean.blogspot.co.uk/2015/04/henis-story-part-1.html" target="_blank">here</a></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Heni's story part 2 <a href="http://henibean.blogspot.co.uk/2015/05/henis-story-part-2.html" target="_blank">here</a></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Heni's story part 3 <a href="http://henibean.blogspot.co.uk/2015/07/heni-story-part-3.html" target="_blank">here</a></span>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Heni's story part 4 <a href="http://henibean.blogspot.co.uk/2016/02/henis-story-part-4.html" target="_blank">here</a></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Heni's 21st <a href="http://henibean.blogspot.co.uk/2016/07/21-today.html" target="_blank">here</a></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Empy chair and an aching heart <a href="http://henibean.blogspot.co.uk/2016/10/empty-chair-and-aching-heart.html" target="_blank">here </a></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">100%<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">?<a href="http://henibean.blogspot.co.uk/2016/11/100.html" target="_blank"> here</a></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> http://www.soft.org.uk/</span></span>jadebiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06413526635637792044noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2817630757790422763.post-25575829676920829802017-10-11T00:00:00.000-07:002018-09-29T08:57:30.946-07:00One year on...<br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I cant quite believe as I sit here in the early hours of the morning that one whole year has passed by since the death of our sweet angel Heni. I am sitting, in perhaps what could be called the "portal to heaven"... the exact same place that we found her lying peacefully asleep... taken home to rest from her mortal sojourn.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">The room has changed. Most of her "things" are lovingly packed away in her memory chest....there is no bed.... and no Her. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">The room has moved on... re-purposed in to my new craft room.... but as I sit on the sofa (where she would have been sleeping in her bed) and as I cast my eyes around, I can still see Heni. The bright multi coloured rainbow pompom banner still hangs from the window. Her photos cover the walls in family portraits. Her yearly milestone pictures hang just behind me on the wall. Her purple fluffy blanket lays next to me on the sofa ...and there is one lone piece of clothing that I still keep here in this room. Her fluffy heart dressing gown still hangs behind the door in the same place its always been. Sometimes as I walk by ...I can still see her in my minds eye all wrapped up in it after bath time. Sometimes I take it in my arms, close my eyes and imagine that she is still in it...smiling away and making her noises and smelling of mango and coconut body lotion.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Yes the room and the world moves on.... still rotates... and time passes by on lightening speed... </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">but many things remain exactly the same.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">My love for her remains constant... perhaps even stronger than ever. My desire to be with her again one day, is strengthened and resolute. I think of her every day... and often shed tears... and perhaps I will for the rest of my life. I now don't see that as a bad thing. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">To begin with I thought that maybe grief was a journey... something to pass through and come out the other side....but as time has moved on, and life has changed I am coming to realise that the persistence of grief itself is part of loving someone so deeply. That is not to say that grief itself doesn't change... and progress... it just remains. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">When you have had the privilege of loving someone... your love for them doesn't just disappear when they leave. It stays behind and goes through a transformation process of itself. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Just as Love is an eternal entity I believe grief is a part of that love too. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjnRYSw3gqwBFKKcaeiz3DOMhnUMZCYs5R9M18QKREuGQlYR1z5iDm6yQ0GGtzMBEeCdfTwRqB5Pmce4AfEAlHvS2oojT1X1m7mbAAEltWhJjvPr-I2kTqAfk_-Um0Tkh14lqUghd8Tc6g0/s1600/IMG_0738.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjnRYSw3gqwBFKKcaeiz3DOMhnUMZCYs5R9M18QKREuGQlYR1z5iDm6yQ0GGtzMBEeCdfTwRqB5Pmce4AfEAlHvS2oojT1X1m7mbAAEltWhJjvPr-I2kTqAfk_-Um0Tkh14lqUghd8Tc6g0/s640/IMG_0738.jpg" width="480" /></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I grieve that she is no longer here with me physically...I guess it's the love that is left behind when you no longer have that person with you..... a wierd mathematical equasion that some how works out to be... </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> Love + presence = Joy</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Love - presence = Grief </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">The Kubler - Ross Model of grief (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance) may be just that... a model/guide.... of what you "could" expect after the death of a loved one. Everyone is different and experiences death and grief very differently though and the bereaved can experience all, some or none of the above (and in no particular order). </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Perhaps what I am currently learning is that coming to a state of Acceptance doesn't mean that you no longer feel grief. Grief is not necessarily absent when Acceptance arrives, and the two states are not mutually exclusive. Both can exist at the same time and grief "is what it is". We can't rush it, change it or avoid it. We can, however, learn from it.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Heni taught me that (in a round about way)... she taught me to look at things in a different way and be open to what comes my way...she taught me to watch, observe, feel more and try not to judge and go with the flow a little more. With grief you just have to go with the flow. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I still draw every day on what I learned from Heni.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhV4YPLOEL4r2vxWraFALDoDP1drrbd3FGtxu3LBIrIm9FVPJKe1VA2ub3Ws64tX0vLmJ9o1dZYlgxL4JtMyGeg_pzBW8vTXentswkSYLGx6lWy20O9Kqw2WxL2vr80bRQvgo7J3HHVD9t/s1600/IMG_1659.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhV4YPLOEL4r2vxWraFALDoDP1drrbd3FGtxu3LBIrIm9FVPJKe1VA2ub3Ws64tX0vLmJ9o1dZYlgxL4JtMyGeg_pzBW8vTXentswkSYLGx6lWy20O9Kqw2WxL2vr80bRQvgo7J3HHVD9t/s640/IMG_1659.jpg" width="480" /></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Acceptance of a new life is a journey and a process which takes time. Coming to a place of acceptance doesn't always mean that sadness, tears, or missing a loved one disappear. I think most of us just get better at coping with our sadness and loss. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">So as we mark Heni's year passing today, my heart is heavy
at her absence... and tears come easily for losing something so
precious as her from this life. She is greatly missed and life without
her is very very different. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> As time continues to pass by and more changes occur in this
temporal existence...love and grief are some of the only remains left behind of all
of our lost loved ones. Although they are no longer visible to the human eye, I believe our loved ones still feel our love and forever remain a huge part of our lives.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Jx </span><br />
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<br />jadebiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06413526635637792044noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2817630757790422763.post-52457747394837971782017-07-24T00:00:00.000-07:002018-09-29T08:58:05.670-07:00Healing HEARTS<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWBKjcZfGRF8Vv9glWnmKj0uK5_Ahhvcowa5vmjcaL-4Hd4Ki881UQPXyWLAtRckkbLJ8O9Uy4_Oi5ntxtoM-8BxHrR0Fdo_qx-3h0D_sAyZ2B8OQ0e7ycZbu-7o0VlCRmcAP9VFXmHchk/s1600/IMG_4298.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1600" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWBKjcZfGRF8Vv9glWnmKj0uK5_Ahhvcowa5vmjcaL-4Hd4Ki881UQPXyWLAtRckkbLJ8O9Uy4_Oi5ntxtoM-8BxHrR0Fdo_qx-3h0D_sAyZ2B8OQ0e7ycZbu-7o0VlCRmcAP9VFXmHchk/s640/IMG_4298.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> Since my last post on <a href="http://henibean.blogspot.co.uk/2017/06/heart-photography-and-visualisation.html" target="_blank">Heart Photography and Visualization</a>, where I told you about my "heart challenge", I have continued to photograph even more hearts and post them on my Instagram account (For those of you who don't YET follow <a href="https://www.instagram.com/jadebie/" target="_blank">my Instagram</a> you can see some of them when you scroll below) </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I mentioned that It all started out as a way of "intentionally looking" but ended up with each heart being a
message to me of:- </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">"If you look you will find"</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">"If you work you will achieve" </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">"If you try your hardest you will be blessed" </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">& </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">" We are all surrounded with hearts from a tender
higher being who showers love on us each and every day... sometimes without us ever
seeing or realizing it"</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">The treasure hunt each day for the </span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">perfect heart photo</span> allows me to look for those tender mercies
and tokens of love all around.... with each heart acquisition & creative pursuit (for the most unusual shot), it somehow adds to consoling and healing my own broken heart </span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">after the <a href="http://henibean.blogspot.co.uk/2016/10/empty-chair-and-aching-heart.html" target="_blank">death of our sweet Heni</a>. Slowly, slowly each heart reminds me that love is eternal and binds the pieces of my own shattered heart back together again. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> </span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br />
This week has been a time of mixed emotions. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">In some aspects it has been particularly hard as we celebrated what would have been Heni's 22nd birthday without her. We spent a day at the beach....which was one of her favorite things to do. We took her tent (the one she loved to sleep in at the beach every holiday), one of her quilts to lay on, a BBQ and LOTS of food....</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEibxejWSG9N_mkBW5jP0IQ70phwYO2llnv9Axi2o9pCfwTJ6U3z-T2MTrgcvFRf5o44c9Nv6B9cTodZ-D1bmQ4gHBL4TYvmxE6-ChIg6gAt6K16IK-wGLHCezL-dS9Q2vs1cqI9UeazeV7K/s1600/IMG_4192.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1600" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEibxejWSG9N_mkBW5jP0IQ70phwYO2llnv9Axi2o9pCfwTJ6U3z-T2MTrgcvFRf5o44c9Nv6B9cTodZ-D1bmQ4gHBL4TYvmxE6-ChIg6gAt6K16IK-wGLHCezL-dS9Q2vs1cqI9UeazeV7K/s640/IMG_4192.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> ...and we chilled out and swam in the sea. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I missed her so much.... but the sun shone and I knew that she would want us to be happy and enjoy our day.... her day.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">It is a day that will always be special to me as it was the day she came in to our lives... a day in which we were blessed for 21 years with her presence. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">She taught us, tested us, loved us and made us laugh... and her strength and beauty graced our home. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">We celebrated with a birthday meal later that night...ate even more food and came home sun kissed, tired, sad but also happy and ready to flop. </span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgRshaUvAbazsBWJdQ7rqXtDE8tlK2uv1w6FPcQXf4-cB9PgX-YwE5kLp6xVJNL3yz89tpAbrh3aqaDoOU6oojRFkAPbP1u-XDmFQycGD6pExl064BSY1_2gZphnI5AMuqbk2-zVZn9EwN5/s1600/IMG_4186.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1280" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgRshaUvAbazsBWJdQ7rqXtDE8tlK2uv1w6FPcQXf4-cB9PgX-YwE5kLp6xVJNL3yz89tpAbrh3aqaDoOU6oojRFkAPbP1u-XDmFQycGD6pExl064BSY1_2gZphnI5AMuqbk2-zVZn9EwN5/s640/IMG_4186.jpg" width="512" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">We also had a happier celebration this week as Hubby's new book went live on Amazon! We were excited for the box full of books to arrive on our doorstep and to inspect the fruits of two years (plus) of hard work... all done while helping me to care for Heni in her last few years of life... a huge blessing (when we look back in retrospect) as he was able to help care for and be with Heni... spending precious time.... and also spending time writing from home. She would be so happy and proud of her daddy to see this day. </span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgC1eZnt1L5aeKQleVP17nOScS4ciu1Ck108uagRHmJJmUMbozBkqtrxmJN0Yl5It5cyjiiuJeZxCymwz1VgZhvCTLJS9lfoMd4QhwZD6KVdEZ7BjGThWtJVrVuqoBt-xSPPDy9fVpuqZHX/s1600/IMG_4284.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgC1eZnt1L5aeKQleVP17nOScS4ciu1Ck108uagRHmJJmUMbozBkqtrxmJN0Yl5It5cyjiiuJeZxCymwz1VgZhvCTLJS9lfoMd4QhwZD6KVdEZ7BjGThWtJVrVuqoBt-xSPPDy9fVpuqZHX/s640/IMG_4284.jpg" width="480" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Soon we
will be heading off on a summer adventure, it's going to be a welcome
change of pace and scenery and I'm looking forward to seeing what other
"heart moments" I can find on the journey. I will, of course, be sharing them all with you and posting them up on
<a href="https://www.instagram.com/jadebie/" target="_blank">Instagram</a> and <a href="https://www.facebook.com/Henibean-158755564312371/" target="_blank">Facebook</a>. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Life is moving on slowly but surely. It doesn't stop, even though if feels at time like my heart does. Each milestone and hurdle to jump is a step closer to her... and as time passes we have to make sure that life doesn't pass us by and enjoy each moment we have. This week I encourage you to make the most of every opportunity, hug those you love, say what you feel, plan something special and do something for someone else who is having a worse time than yourself. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I hope you have a wonderful summer and I'll see you all next month.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Jx </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">In addition to the ones above you can scroll below to see some more of the most recent heart photos below:-</span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1600" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjIuMGjZxuf4q93uF8XV21oY7_PSvXAFunA1p3EMoKRCemmbu6HVkXae_fdJNgU8n-sqN2UMVvun6rcTd7LB1NSvpHJaq3U27e_g50c1ammsJyu2YmFQaQt0bBXfhCRxgUnUGuOIREeeOdx/s640/TUPC4319.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="640" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Taken at the "Free from" show at Olympia</span></td></tr>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjIuMGjZxuf4q93uF8XV21oY7_PSvXAFunA1p3EMoKRCemmbu6HVkXae_fdJNgU8n-sqN2UMVvun6rcTd7LB1NSvpHJaq3U27e_g50c1ammsJyu2YmFQaQt0bBXfhCRxgUnUGuOIREeeOdx/s1600/TUPC4319.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgbv_mqtIost3C51xB_C5AOcE7Oz4tj_WgxR0iuJsbpokscC1Y7Mf1SlLT8ul1R01EUs_0E0PlS3M4CIrAzPIMDmRj-RqLQJoFFGd3r-LFWMJu2baYXoCbeyZGZJZBdp8S5Sq3VFIDs9bnx/s1600/IMG_4180.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1600" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgbv_mqtIost3C51xB_C5AOcE7Oz4tj_WgxR0iuJsbpokscC1Y7Mf1SlLT8ul1R01EUs_0E0PlS3M4CIrAzPIMDmRj-RqLQJoFFGd3r-LFWMJu2baYXoCbeyZGZJZBdp8S5Sq3VFIDs9bnx/s640/IMG_4180.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Dog roses</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjX7_CLfH0vRwUQVe6URvCzzWDWGQo4VHNp-DGMy0yhwA6QMKaXDc0OzDe83nYnrd8WJjPq4YFJkVqkBnzWQ7mY7jUMFLLgr2b1eDsoYH68LncoV8GODig2lqpH-LZhiZNkrnuX-O2Qhs_h/s1600/IMG_4343.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1080" data-original-width="1080" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjX7_CLfH0vRwUQVe6URvCzzWDWGQo4VHNp-DGMy0yhwA6QMKaXDc0OzDe83nYnrd8WJjPq4YFJkVqkBnzWQ7mY7jUMFLLgr2b1eDsoYH68LncoV8GODig2lqpH-LZhiZNkrnuX-O2Qhs_h/s640/IMG_4343.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Ascot House gardens - National Trust Property</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgf2fzgchuozW-nF_FZwtOkdRIZWf3EXGcCKHlQcgqPYQTAaWjHYpxxFiuxQ-lyR42Ce4YV5bXkKpq7bE6GzZYtsNP0qgyVDWQRBxJ1CyAFJ2ftAA3dotT83lFixs18JsWXc456yYuf8dQy/s1600/IMG_4225.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1600" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgf2fzgchuozW-nF_FZwtOkdRIZWf3EXGcCKHlQcgqPYQTAaWjHYpxxFiuxQ-lyR42Ce4YV5bXkKpq7bE6GzZYtsNP0qgyVDWQRBxJ1CyAFJ2ftAA3dotT83lFixs18JsWXc456yYuf8dQy/s640/IMG_4225.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">A friends entryway!</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjp6bxANU1b2ADDg04keSsXQw1p6Q4K9Amh6nZR964Qu3lccmiDuacOGKwAJNCK_l1VI0AoQdtd11Wg48midI8yNkAPQuUFVmU3a9_HYUvWexxaKS5k04h-N2EgE5IN33GD3qpMBdzqn7a2/s1600/IMG_4157.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="746" data-original-width="746" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjp6bxANU1b2ADDg04keSsXQw1p6Q4K9Amh6nZR964Qu3lccmiDuacOGKwAJNCK_l1VI0AoQdtd11Wg48midI8yNkAPQuUFVmU3a9_HYUvWexxaKS5k04h-N2EgE5IN33GD3qpMBdzqn7a2/s640/IMG_4157.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Tiled entry way to a house in London</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhlvEDxf7GjueF9bt2GrBHOscxyLh1IB7xVtcyx1leHUztZW3BUfuSFOVcD7VaF7LbzcmQ7kTxJ_kSflXvGRGBkMW5BbbtRGc7m7UkcSlXo8iMZLlSlVpaanrB45RRtqvx4Zx078wMMPYpQ/s1600/IMG_4215.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1461" data-original-width="1461" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhlvEDxf7GjueF9bt2GrBHOscxyLh1IB7xVtcyx1leHUztZW3BUfuSFOVcD7VaF7LbzcmQ7kTxJ_kSflXvGRGBkMW5BbbtRGc7m7UkcSlXo8iMZLlSlVpaanrB45RRtqvx4Zx078wMMPYpQ/s640/IMG_4215.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Old lecture theater at Enfield Hospital</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCs7GKpu7hLO-Y7KPoX8gUlGUoQORwYjjEIMtZP0S3-0Qgm_de-FGUKuVP3SF1ldwhWlCtT2zD9EjomFxJT2GPKW3DqVtYElKqJZYMQnOCrQB7cWWW3k6Yxl4Otlo9eoYu-CXDIMtUz3Da/s1600/IMG_4169.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1367" data-original-width="1367" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCs7GKpu7hLO-Y7KPoX8gUlGUoQORwYjjEIMtZP0S3-0Qgm_de-FGUKuVP3SF1ldwhWlCtT2zD9EjomFxJT2GPKW3DqVtYElKqJZYMQnOCrQB7cWWW3k6Yxl4Otlo9eoYu-CXDIMtUz3Da/s640/IMG_4169.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Diary cover</span></td></tr>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjRl3f55VaA-BGCaAspKQ5pPHZx8FELMwGUF4Jq1PNEk0w9Ff0U0a0vSoBZ74iFiYegnZGhs7aQK47SsJzNlOw2qqzbow5puhnF4yjo1BksP4ncH7nlANWC3CfBKJiBzqGleduu9UrrDrZN/s1600/IMG_4245.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1600" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjRl3f55VaA-BGCaAspKQ5pPHZx8FELMwGUF4Jq1PNEk0w9Ff0U0a0vSoBZ74iFiYegnZGhs7aQK47SsJzNlOw2qqzbow5puhnF4yjo1BksP4ncH7nlANWC3CfBKJiBzqGleduu9UrrDrZN/s640/IMG_4245.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Evening shot of wrought iron gates in Ashridge Estate</span></td></tr>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhHVjuhQ3SCY6Lo3qBbrzGCCJRnzgK2KTH6Df-KHe7u6X2GAb3_nBT2rRouFD_plTBWJMehhi0Us4tOyfZf-MkEEfigInT5kGFqKB8L9ukq549eLt1vTifDPzG8r9VIMKFrlJeP8iVV24Jq/s1600/IMG_4216.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhHVjuhQ3SCY6Lo3qBbrzGCCJRnzgK2KTH6Df-KHe7u6X2GAb3_nBT2rRouFD_plTBWJMehhi0Us4tOyfZf-MkEEfigInT5kGFqKB8L9ukq549eLt1vTifDPzG8r9VIMKFrlJeP8iVV24Jq/s640/IMG_4216.jpg" width="480" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Heart tiles!</span></td></tr>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiiqljYKiBP1HahkEvS0Bo2vGBY9kLhpIA9DOTFMR3Q8i9Q3ADYK0375DLIVrHbJOxsqFIs9smtUa-RAccF9CVCIaKAUko_m-fS38Swy3WJh52zP5lDDKnJXEsu5urEAL7unWnyHo62RawP/s1600/IMG_4239.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1297" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiiqljYKiBP1HahkEvS0Bo2vGBY9kLhpIA9DOTFMR3Q8i9Q3ADYK0375DLIVrHbJOxsqFIs9smtUa-RAccF9CVCIaKAUko_m-fS38Swy3WJh52zP5lDDKnJXEsu5urEAL7unWnyHo62RawP/s640/IMG_4239.jpg" width="518" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Ornate heart shaped table leg!</span></td></tr>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjtpjR2CBoB2Qjx-51uK8t1KncnlVYBXhTgPQJnJF2WsVsJkenXDAraVyyN2y3_FGnk9m6ygpYZTYVVVqJplWMS0vAFgKVgGWzj72Z5GtpkITgd4wP1i45fgueQPREW5hJ5sxGX5vpttOQ5/s1600/IMG_4258.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1600" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjtpjR2CBoB2Qjx-51uK8t1KncnlVYBXhTgPQJnJF2WsVsJkenXDAraVyyN2y3_FGnk9m6ygpYZTYVVVqJplWMS0vAFgKVgGWzj72Z5GtpkITgd4wP1i45fgueQPREW5hJ5sxGX5vpttOQ5/s640/IMG_4258.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Heart shaped wrought iron gates</span></td></tr>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDho8dgLT7kG8MvtTTqbiwka_3ofcWhFO9VJkradbC1yljO0RCyW6j8hnkQdC3hivY9K06BUi7JAhCZHTJA44uGcJKUC7UmFNyV-0eaXgVrV1hBQGOruYCDq_-IAAmHQBToW2MBzYBsazQ/s1600/IMG_4260.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="900" data-original-width="900" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDho8dgLT7kG8MvtTTqbiwka_3ofcWhFO9VJkradbC1yljO0RCyW6j8hnkQdC3hivY9K06BUi7JAhCZHTJA44uGcJKUC7UmFNyV-0eaXgVrV1hBQGOruYCDq_-IAAmHQBToW2MBzYBsazQ/s640/IMG_4260.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Wrought iron Gazebo roof</span></td></tr>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgl6gqaXYRWB_mgvF4muQiVX5lrYNBrtjQ3kqODyJ4Kud6glo9EZ38NUHpBNnXPpq8CqdiFl53Jaq4LJiEcebWtq2GCRocjdzzuOpOat7V2B8ak9ueMewCpS5ZfB7O6ScAOIrGj401Epjrc/s1600/IMG_4295.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1404" data-original-width="1404" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgl6gqaXYRWB_mgvF4muQiVX5lrYNBrtjQ3kqODyJ4Kud6glo9EZ38NUHpBNnXPpq8CqdiFl53Jaq4LJiEcebWtq2GCRocjdzzuOpOat7V2B8ak9ueMewCpS5ZfB7O6ScAOIrGj401Epjrc/s640/IMG_4295.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Sideways hearts on balcony</span></td></tr>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimY8QMRI7N6I7NKs653teRez2N2_d-XCBITe7C5PakgKT6-Q4UUnMGNtU_TnDy6bVLvWkYyTgxXlDqwr9ymIC0sc1joPQcotSjaNLP8jXxhGg8oin0xRinuyRU7qB6_M-H_ips_lzSu6cI/s1600/IMG_4311.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1255" data-original-width="1255" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimY8QMRI7N6I7NKs653teRez2N2_d-XCBITe7C5PakgKT6-Q4UUnMGNtU_TnDy6bVLvWkYyTgxXlDqwr9ymIC0sc1joPQcotSjaNLP8jXxhGg8oin0xRinuyRU7qB6_M-H_ips_lzSu6cI/s640/IMG_4311.jpg" width="640" /></a></span></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Heart tiles at Frinton on sea... on Heni's birthday!</span></td></tr>
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<br />jadebiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06413526635637792044noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2817630757790422763.post-8808311742043139092017-06-30T00:00:00.000-07:002018-09-29T08:58:48.406-07:00Heart Photography and visualisation<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgfo9lRv2UT41DpmsKwGBpKYzU7y0D0wel4UaJdsrevnnQDU5VkbKPdLOSOlF48Elj5f4iyjsaivkNCEKbbRoNKTbrbk8hoCB3ZxwaCl_jfwbe0nQQLJRAI5seGvrHRtsx-QkxKRFnJ6pXC/s1600/IMG_3932.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1600" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgfo9lRv2UT41DpmsKwGBpKYzU7y0D0wel4UaJdsrevnnQDU5VkbKPdLOSOlF48Elj5f4iyjsaivkNCEKbbRoNKTbrbk8hoCB3ZxwaCl_jfwbe0nQQLJRAI5seGvrHRtsx-QkxKRFnJ6pXC/s640/IMG_3932.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> Daughter number two says that I am obsessed..... And I guess I am! </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">For many years I've loved to stroll along a beach and down a country lane looking for the perfect heart shaped rock or pebble... I always like to collect the best samples and decorate my garden with them... some dotted around hidden in the vegetation.... and </span><br />
<a name='more'></a><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">others lined up on the fence and on planter boxes near the Sauna. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjd-pa86HzbXWb4ONaDgOijmP2NAxZCc_iIUl190o4wF7paesMaeTh_WkbXCQUTxzpA1DYPf-Lb9s9VJ2c72dj-y9SDfddaIfHXRzTe5qRutx2Z89NbEbDHSeLPWGuH4cjG5lXLsbJjSEke/s1600/IMG_4037.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1600" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjd-pa86HzbXWb4ONaDgOijmP2NAxZCc_iIUl190o4wF7paesMaeTh_WkbXCQUTxzpA1DYPf-Lb9s9VJ2c72dj-y9SDfddaIfHXRzTe5qRutx2Z89NbEbDHSeLPWGuH4cjG5lXLsbJjSEke/s640/IMG_4037.jpg" width="640" /></a></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Some have even made their way in to the house to decorate rooms... </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhSbwlD0393YWWHvPy12qYjkcJQyiZjGNAc9inGsODkqmTAlB5h8oRS-KQrK-yEjIzIbqHiTXzwLLOWv1Iu6YGOIgdRzzdFAweOVJw9Adq7vuUGZH9vG5HQxBzvmP35PP0JG1YPaNSwtCEq/s1600/IMG_4138.jpg" imageanchor="1"><img border="0" data-original-height="852" data-original-width="852" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhSbwlD0393YWWHvPy12qYjkcJQyiZjGNAc9inGsODkqmTAlB5h8oRS-KQrK-yEjIzIbqHiTXzwLLOWv1Iu6YGOIgdRzzdFAweOVJw9Adq7vuUGZH9vG5HQxBzvmP35PP0JG1YPaNSwtCEq/s320/IMG_4138.jpg" width="640" /></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> I'm not quite sure what got me in to it originally... the heart collecting that is, but the obsession progressed to the point that I now love to take photographs of the many hearts that I find in every day life and then post them all on Instagram!! </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I've been taking photos of hearts for a while... but posting them on Instagram is a recent
thing and o</span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">ver the last month I've had many people ask me how it is that I have managed to find so many different hearts?</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">A few months ago I gave a workshop on letting go of habits that don't serve you and on the cultivation of personal development and nourishment routines. One of the practices we touched upon was daily visualization... a way to see things as you would like them to be and not as they currently are. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Intentionally looking for hearts each day </span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">became a purposeful "exercise" that I decided to carry out
as an object lesson to myself (and to everyone else out there) to put visualization in to practice .</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">So what are the lessons from my experiment and how did I find all those hearts?</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">For me,</span> searching for and taking the photos was a way to prove to my self that whatever I looked for in life, I could and would eventually find. <span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"></span> </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> <img alt="" height="480" 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IAABCAAAQhAAAIYAOgABCAAAQhAAAIQgAAEYkQAAyBGlY2oEIAABCAAAQhAAAIQwABAByAAAQhAAAIQgAAEIBAjAhgAMapsRIUABCAAAQhAAAIQgAAGADoAAQhAAAIQgAAEIACBGBHAAIhRZSMqBCAAAQhAAAIQgAAEMADQAQhAAAIQgAAEIAABCMSIAAZAjCobUSEAAQhAAAIQgAAEIIABgA5AAAIQgAAEIAABCEAgRgQwAGJU2YgKAQhAAAIQgAAEIAABDAB0AAIQgAAEIAABCEAAAjEigAEQo8pGVAhAAAIQgAAEIAABCGAAoAMQgAAEIAABCEAAAhCIEQEMgBhVNqJCAAIQgAAEIAABCEAAAwAdgAAEIAABCEAAAhCAQIwIYADEqLIRFQIQgAAEIAABCEAAAhgA6AAEIAABCEAAAhCAAARiRAADIEaVjagQgAAEIAABCEAAAhDAAEAHIAABCEAAAhCAAAQgECMCGAAxqmxEhQAEIAABCEAAAhCAAAYAOgABCEAAAhCAAAQgAIEYEcAAiFFlIyoEIAABCEAAAhCAAAQwANABCEAAAhCAAAQgAAEIxIgABkCMKhtRIQABCEAAAhCAAAQggAGADkAAAhCAAAQgAAEIQCBGBDAAYlTZiAoBCEAAAhCAAAQgAAEMAHQAAhCAAAQgAAEIQAACMSKAARCjykZUCEAAAhCAAAQgAAEIYACgAxCAAAQgAAEIQAACEIgRAQyAGFU2okIAAhCAAAQgAAEIQAADAB2AAAQgAAEIQAACEIBAjAhgAMSoshEVAhCAAAQgAAEIQAACGADoAAQgAAEIQAACEIAABGJEAAMgRpWNqBCAAAQgAAEIQAACEMAAQAcgAAEIQAACEIAABCAQIwIYADGqbESFAAQgAAEIQAACEIAABgA6AAEIQAACEIAABCAAgRgRwACIUWUjKgQgAAEIQAACEIAABDAA0AEIQAACEIAABCAAAQjEiAAGQIwqG1EhAAEIQAACEIAABCCAAYAOQAACEIAABCAAAQhAIEYEMABiVNmICgEIQAACEIAABCAAAQwAdAACEIAABCAAAQhAAAIxIoABEKPKRlQIQAACEIAABCAAAQhgAKADEIAABCAAAQhAAAIQiBEBDIAYVTaiQgACEIAABCAAAQhAAAMAHYAABCAAAQhAAAIQgECMCGAAxKiyERUCEIAABCAAAQhAAAIYAOgABCAAAQhAAAIQgAAEYkQAAyBGlY2oEIAABCAAAQhAAAIQwABAByAAAQhAAAIQgAAEIBAjAhgAMapsRIUABCAAAQhAAAIQgAAGADoAAQhAAAIQgAAEIACBGBHAAIhRZSMqBCAAAQhAAAIQgAAEMADQAQhAAAIQgAAEIAABCMSIAAZAjCobUSEAAQhAAAIQgAAEIIABgA5AAAIQgAAEIAABCEAgRgQwAGJU2YgKAQhAAAIQgAAEIAABDAB0AAIQgAAEIAABCEAAAjEigAEQo8pGVAhAAAIQgAAEIAABCGAAoAMQgAAEIAABCEAAAhCIEQEMgBhVNqJCAAIQgAAEIAABCEAAAwAdgAAEIAABCEAAAhCAQIwIYADEqLIRFQIQgAAEIAABCEAAAhgA6AAEIAABCEAAAhCAAARiRAADIEaVjagQgAAEIAABCEAAAhDAAEAHIAABCEAAAhCAAAQgECMCGAAxqmxEhQAEIAABCEAAAhCAAAYAOgABCEAAAhCAAAQgAIEYEcAAiFFlIyoEIAABCEAAAhCAAAQwANABCEAAAhCAAAQgAAEIxIgABkCMKhtRIQABCEAAAhCAAAQggAGADkAAAhCAAAQgAAEIQCBGBDAAYlTZiAoBCEAAAhCAAAQgAAEMAHQAAhCAAAQgAAEIQAACMSKAARCjykZUCEAAAhCAAAQgAAEIYACgAxCAAAQgAAEIQAACEIgRAQyAGFU2okIAAhCAAAQgAAEIQAADAB2AAAQgAAEIQAACEIBAjAhgAMSoshEVAhCAAAQgAAEIQAACGADoAAQgAAEIQAACEIAABGJEAAMgRpWNqBCAAAQgAAEIQAACEMAAQAcgAAEIQAACEIAABCAQIwIYADGqbESFAAQgAAEIQAACEIAABgA6AAEIQAACEIAABCAAgRgRwACIUWUjKgQgAAEIQAACEIAABDAA0AEIQAACEIAABCAAAQjEiAAGQIwqG1EhAAEIQAACEIAABCCAAYAOQAACEIAABCAAAQhAIEYEMABiVNmICgEIQAACEIAABCAAAQwAdAACEIAABCAAAQhAAAIxIoABEKPKRlQIQAACEIAABCAAAQhgAKADEIAABCAAAQhAAAIQiBEBDIAYVTaiQgACEIAABCAAAQhAAAMAHYAABCAAAQhAAAIQgECMCGAAxKiyERUCEIAABCAAAQhAAAIYAOgABCAAAQhAAAIQgAAEYkQAAyBGlY2oEIAABCAAAQhAAAIQwABAByAAAQhAAAIQgAAEIBAjAhgAMapsRIUABCAAAQhAAAIQgAAGADoAAQhAAAIQgAAEIACBGBHAAIhRZSMqBCAAAQhAAAIQgAAEMADQAQhAAAIQgAAEIAABCMSIAAZAjCobUSEAAQhAAAIQgAAEIIABgA5AAAIQgAAEIAABCEAgRgQwAGJU2YgKAQhAAAIQgAAEIAABDAB0AAIQgAAEIAABCEAAAjEigAEQo8pGVAhAAAIQgAAEIAABCGAAoAMQgAAEIAABCEAAAhCIEQEMgBhVNqJCAAIQgAAEIAABCEAAAwAdgAAEIAABCEAAAhCAQIwIYADEqLIRFQIQgAAEIAABCEAAAhgA6AAEIAABCEAAAhCAAARiRAADIEaVjagQgAAEIAABCEAAAhDAAEAHIAABCEAAAhCAAAQgECMCGAAxqmxEhQAEIAABCEAAAhCAAAYAOgABCEAAAhCAAAQgAIEYEcAAiFFlIyoEIAABCEAAAhCAAAQwANABCEAAAhCAAAQgAAEIxIgABkCMKhtRIQABCEAAAhCAAAQggAGADkAAAhCAAAQgAAEIQCBGBDAAYlTZiAoBCEAAAhCAAAQgAAEMAHQAAhCAAAQgAAEIQAACMSKAARCjykZUCEAAAhCAAAQgAAEIYACgAxCAAAQgAAEIQAACEIgRAQyAGFU2okIAAhCAAAQgAAEIQAADAB2AAAQgAAEIQAACEIBAjAhgAMSoshEVAhCAAAQgAAEIQAACGADoAAQgAAEIQAACEIAABGJEAAMgRpWNqBCAAAQgAAEIQAACEMAAQAcgAAEIQAACEIAABCAQIwIYADGqbESFAAQgAAEIQAACEIAABgA6AAEIQAACEIAABCAAgRgRwACIUWUjKgQgAAEIQAACEIAABDAA0AEIQAACEIAABCAAAQjEiAAGQIwqG1EhAAEIQAACEIAABCCAAYAOQAACEIAABCAAAQhAIEYEMABiVNmICgEIQAACEIAABCAAAQwAdAACEIAABCAAAQhAAAIxIoABEKPKRlQIQAACEIAABCAAAQhgAKADEIAABCAAAQhAAAIQiBEBDIAYVTaiQgACEIAABCAAAQhAAAMAHYAABCAAAQhAAAIQgECMCGAAxKiyERUCEIAABCAAAQhAAAIYAOgABCAAAQhAAAIQgAAEYkQAAyBGlY2oEIAABCAAAQhAAAIQwABAByAAAQhAAAIQgAAEIBAjAhgAMapsRIUABCAAAQhAAAIQgAAGADoAAQhAAAIQgAAEIACBGBHAAIhRZSMqBCAAAQhAAAIQgAAEMADQAQhAAAIQgAAEIAABCMSIAAZAjCobUSEAAQhAAAIQgAAEIIABgA5AAAIQgAAEIAABCEAgRgQwAGJU2YgKAQhAAAIQgAAEIAABDAB0AAIQgAAEIAABCEAAAjEigAEQo8pGVAhAAAIQgAAEIAABCGAAoAMQgAAEIAABCEAAAhCIEQEMgBhVNqJCAAIQgAAEIAABCEAAAwAdgAAEIAABCEAAAhCAQIwIYADEqLIRFQIQgAAEIAABCEAAAhgA6AAEIAABCEAAAhCAAARiRAADIEaVjagQgAAEIAABCEAAAhDAAEAHIAABCEAAAhCAAAQgECMCGAAxqmxEhQAEIAABCEAAAhCAAAYAOgABCEAAAhCAAAQgAIEYEcAAiFFlIyoEIAABCEAAAhCAAAQwANABCEAAAhCAAAQgAAEIxIgABkCMKhtRIQABCEAAAhCAAAQggAGADkAAAhCAAAQgAAEIQCBGBDAAYlTZiAoBCEAAAhCAAAQgAAEMAHQAAhCAAAQgAAEIQAACMSKAARCjykZUCEAAAhCAAAQgAAEIYACgAxCAAAQgAAEIQAACEIgRAQyAGFU2okIAAhCAAAQgAAEIQAADAB2AAAQgAAEIQAACEIBAjAhgAMSoshEVAhCAAAQgAAEIQAACGADoAAQgAAEIQAACEIAABGJEAAMgRpWNqBCAAAQgAAEIQAACEMAAQAcgAAEIQAACEIAABCAQIwIYADGqbESFAAQgAAEIQAACEIAABgA6AAEIQAACEIAABCAAgRgRwACIUWUjKgQgAAEIQAACEIAABDAA0AEIQAACEIAABCAAAQjEiAAGQIwqG1EhAAEIQAACEIAABCCAAYAOQAACEIAABCAAAQhAIEYEMABiVNmICgEIQAACEIAABCAAAQwAdAACEIAABCAAAQhAAAIxIoABEKPKRlQIQAACEIAABCAAAQhgAKADEIAABCAAAQhAAAIQiBEBDIAYVTaiQgACEIAABCAAAQhAAAMAHYAABCAAAQhAAAIQgECMCGAAxKiyERUCEIAABCAAAQhAAAIYAOgABCAAAQhAAAIQgAAEYkQAAyBGlY2oEIAABCAAAQhAAAIQwABAByAAAQhAAAIQgAAEIBAjAhgAMapsRIUABCAAAQhAAAIQgAAGADoAAQhAAAIQgAAEIACBGBHAAIhRZSMqBCAAAQhAAAIQgAAEMADQAQhAAAIQgAAEIAABCMSIAAZAjCobUSEAAQhAAAIQgAAEIIABgA5AAAIQgAAEIAABCEAgRgQwAGJU2YgKAQhAAAIQgAAEIAABDAB0AAIQgAAEIAABCEAAAjEigAEQo8pGVAhAAAIQgAAEIAABCGAAoAMQgAAEIAABCEAAAhCIEQEMgBhVNqJCAAIQgAAEIAABCEAAAwAdgAAEIAABCEAAAhCAQIwIYADEqLIRFQIQgAAEIAABCEAAAhgA6AAEIAABCEAAAhCAAARiRAADIEaVjagQgAAEIAABCEAAAhDAAEAHIAABCEAAAhCAAAQgECMCGAAxqmxEhQAEIAABCEAAAhCAAAYAOgABCEAAAhCAAAQgAIEYEcAAiFFlIyoEIAABCEAAAhCAAAQwANABCEAAAhCAAAQgAAEIxIgABkCMKhtRIQABCEAAAhCAAAQggAGADkAAAhCAAAQgAAEIQCBGBDAAYlTZiAoBCEAAAhCAAAQgAAEMAHQAAhCAAAQgAAEIQAACMSKAARCjykZUCEAAAhCAAAQgAAEIYACgAxCAAAQgAAEIQAACEIgRAQyAGFU2okIAAhCAAAQgAAEIQAADAB2AAAQgAAEIQAACEIBAjAhgAMSoshEVAhCAAAQgAAEIQAACGADoAAQgAAEIQAACEIAABGJEAAMgRpWNqBCAAAQgAAEIQAACEMAAQAcgAAEIQAACEIAABCAQIwIYADGqbESFAAQgAAEIQAACEIAABgA6AAEIQAACEIAABCAAgRgRwACIUWUjKgQgAAEIQAACEIAABDAA0AEIQAACEIAABCAAAQjEiAAGQIwqG1EhAAEIQAACEIAABCCAAYAOQAACEIAABCAAAQhAIEYEMABiVNmICgEIQAACEIAABCAAAQwAdAACEIAABCAAAQhAAAIxIoABEKPKRlQIQAACEIAABCAAAQhgAKADEIAABCAAAQhAAAIQiBEBDIAYVTaiQgACEIAABCAAAQhAAAMAHYAABCAAAQhAAAIQgECMCGAAxKiyERUCEIAABCAAAQhAAAIYAOgABCAAAQhAAAIQgAAEYkQAAyBGlY2oEIAABCAAAQhAAAIQwABAByAAAQhAAAIQgAAEIBAjAhgAMapsRD3iCHSovV3J5BEnV0iBYi5+SEoEgwAEjngCdIZHfBVHL2CP6JOsSYrtam1T3/5K1Nnkk2rdo4b+qvd97JVKfpNa3ayXN+pgQhdcqjH9K0kjJ86uVh0TVfFykranHWbkl1AkAGySnffb3qb97TKlT9Srob7z8j1iclrzoJau9KRJNOi8z2vaqFDCte9RW4eaolDyEvnVoFn5OVYsvpNCLQvmlzDl6Ha0u3WvkgO/gtMK+qWOdm17Sy0btGmnDkpHHaXBw3T6OA3phCaWktAM/g5IPVSfqEDiolE6tHePDnQ4Yer7qiHy9Itm3t0vdlpTKrszDFOtSS3/uVbtdSrhK3+vpm46zohQhzrxrhFhqYsm9RcfffRR0QBd4+LSm7WmTePna85pboGSuucmbZUmXKnZ4QY9xeSwqXlhhuh711Q7qm6+W09ucUbnV/+TBhXuNJNtUoMJFXyse0Krt2r0ZE0OknHdg1pixn+Nuu7v1VjLxrl3m97aore36X0zXnePYwdq2CkaM7wiSu1a/bSef9Gx6NJHQqPO1LnnaViBW+auzfrzAR1/ghob0pHi7Fp+t1YYBcs8ztJ/uzTzPMidVPNv9ORa59K1/1rjPr0GzcoXqULxU/FrWTC/hI6j29Hu0NP36bG1GnyRvjo1S5TAk13b9EEPDWwq2IMFxuqinhX1S9qpe+7R1syuLEO8fmdo/mW17ZzVrqU/0ZodXq5N03TtzIwSVOHs2KmHHtLqjVlJXPg1TTkxy6e7n+xt0YMrdPCgjhqly6eHlWbXy/rpI+pzoiZO0fjhQbE6sSmV1RmGrdY2LbxNm+yz5Xnf1pjQd16TxYqXpKPVv4/qeqjjkA516NCH+vCg83//fn3YrvfaNfYiTai9LkU2cui0u0aQNtXMrzs8AWh7xRn9m2PkCR6H7U87o39zjB3s+bz2qBY1O24zFdo7ofpezjSM+TPHwXYdTDot3Pw3+pw84C6ZGKhvXSdv3jmhc85zB9NOcGmLfvOyLjszdVLJ/y1PuKN/EzWp3z2tawt0K1ue0r2POAbA/K9rZE7rSmrp/9SaXU7um7Zp3LdtUW1x0m1+l+64R9+5pvQ92LSEl9ep9/FSL01O2VE2teDfDq37ox5+SvtsL5AOttF5YNJ7km68JO0XxtX6su5aEhQwqZZVzt/5X9GMvP503e+1ZJUXy9xTv3yZGgoYPK1vau1abX1HjZM0O1wNJvdow1q1vOV0SeY46jgNPUXjP64+QWZZVWqWJ3dZWWfGXvOr9OjfKPzQoTKaPuSszCDBbkdt7Fhhd7uacrQuOFIo370b9LvVGjtFE/zqi7pZ+eWoWHwvhZoVzC9hytHNaHdo6f/w+pw/b8sRJei0XXff6fSo5pg8T7PGBYWxfl2k4dji5P5W1i+ZVNp3547+ew/UgIQ2bXGy2L1Wd7yl6/5r2TZA+J4huSM9+jc5tr6ovTPVx8m8xNGxTf9+pzNF1Xegzp6lCSdnhW9r0a0Ls3xSJ+9+EOAZ6NXFa9wv87uvquUN92yLtkzRkKBu3w/sOfbop0u0T9q3UVu3aVTe3Vm1bEo5hSmrMwxfre1vp0f//SZpVOg7RXKbbrHdQk5Rc06bzDOrUkeVWhTlyCGKu0aV4pSiVcH17mAALH/QFWygRvX1JHwyNRxsVJM3hNfGF71LZk59t+l53aFzER6JQVlD6rEXq9cxWrjci7F+iZ4bpMlNRRIodqljf/pq6yq1T8/KK3Vt0xM2uzYtullX35T1oGDTw96d2Anc1zzazT7atd69wXi+W3T7/bqx+OyvuVsv8O7WxuQYd1pAkTLzMM34J3eqNcOraYROG6a2TVqd6i5N9/ey2i8pkU5GAo7zmd9neYw6T+dOUN9DenCxWtwqW/ETnfxdjbTV6oRuS4/+zZm5p279TPBsxKZHtbDZiWGOd08KYQC0adl9aXFSEc3/TWv15NLgMU2VauZnYYQqN2s/bvsGLXWn8M3Ne86XND77zu0HC3TsNwsU7LF2k8YUHbTZgKF+3/qTNm10/p7PmIOMtlmlylGN+L4ktSiYn7jv6F60O7am+5zkWm35fKnBUMa093O/1SfHFesKukLD8esl31FJv+SmUj9CkwfqOWtUz75eE9y7Rker/uN2505kWvpPHyhnoqTMniExXPNmaLG9c5ns1m0LNUnfvsu9HZiVtFv0/BtZBoAp/B0LPUiJIbpkpgbbO2+DdXiXC/908Rr3C37iSMnOLv3huVAPvp5b5oz+vcMsZDWLo+xZ6remTSkzq7I6w7KqtX6ojCKnBgC7NxuLJuzT/scX22FGZkGt20xX9e2r447TiaN1vj9VZK/m/1alRVGPHKq/a1QlTj6dCHxyh5YRJBltEv70/7CJ3iS3UfoW997Tb3S64Z1gniW5DysTCUf/jBmf+WZk70b1Mg8EEs4zgfp69RuqqefkFnPYdF0pOyiXHr5dTd/VsJyWnRsp+HzIeGmld2nweelC+qHNIwLf2DCevUfkta6Meul9kie4H92k+PXv6tXV+v0jXmPb95LuOb5E59XbjJ5TSeRbFOmkHVfbBt26KO3Ve7SuuDRta421hT//sgDR0tGCXOderDVLvQu9z9PlF3vuy/9Wt/+bV7zfPZZ9v2zQvPO02PI0S54GF5qNyBjdXjgpKPsMP9Mb/uj2jH7c1EKD9mWOaRbrQ2lO9hC5ejUzRagsa7/sf7BG1NzrNTb0/TgVfdosrbY1u/4FdYzLUzw/m7IcHXrhP70IrWuVnJnW2AibVSqDasTPlCnygmUmnnJ3L9p1J2t8g/es1ZT/gcKPLlPStf5n+k5/wZdKdAVdoeHkV5DvU0m/lIpcp7PP0XOpPq1Rp5pBk3vUNemz52mh22vte92s0ynBJxWrsp5hjLlz7ffyMuk8uyaUAbC1JZWn83/W5LTbuB5a5NVsYrT+8YoKu4guXuO+wD2O9p3a+og2TShx029v0cPuSMOL1qhj0gl4rpo2pczcyuoMy6vWeo0a4hiHzmGW7rhjqsysC7n7DpD86deELrxEJ/bTscfqmF7qWf77ilVpUQ1GDlXeNaoSpxDxqvwzBppVpVOzyM2PeUmPH+05nrGzHaOM7W6PCVfozA7VZawMee33WpSy7Bt0zTfMrHfpw6ndQ+lZ5IX/S98MFzEn6bq+6mdH24MH51yUs/LHiqCBuvpLGpRXuGFT1bTSs7/75F01KdbVa+xUjRnhPMZNPYU3ndeyPpqdPWBN512v4Y3eg5F+w9Pjs3QA60q+mTX6H3aRrsxeDWwofWeiDtVX8vp100RNeEqr3Q7ilGE2S/Nbr788Q0vWOj7598sxF2vufi15yblqrL4gHs4l00l5R6NG9bfuwN89zvycN4tjOqnLdPap7vvlSW36k3651EO6ZrHGDstanRWBmlWadUoOc/tJLYfT6LJH/yaFhtN04Qg9lnqG84a2tJe42wXCy/fc9by2prRQOn9OrnZF1axMvlWKn1PyCAuWk3LqtNvRnvNVvf4jr120Lte6M4vp2PInPKGbZmhaqcdQh73hBFaQ71lZv+TVcqOfTNZY+b330/6hXFX0DMMu1OCV3rLYfSu1/cKs58kBuXdo1TrP21Rf5jyX6f9T/bO5/NfzsiQKSKewVxevcb/gO173nY7j/odKPEt/4DdZ4c2tYn9HwK2wdk3Jz76szrCCah1xkrfQNGe5hF+AQMfET+nxjd4NtPdETTkzMFRYzyq1KPqRg1TNXaNKccJSKyPcx8oI2/lBzWS/1xk1aoQ72Wn02F/EPDp7bJ05+jdF7TfIlrccu3PYTF01w0bcpVt/5jz8KvtwR9uBsVqfddf9u9fM/Ip5DyF/9O9cbNCogV4C+SaEd8GYAcbazjhWL9bT2zLOs53HHOWdDx+afSHzrEO//Fn6fPCM3NF/6pp5kFfx5ks9bDF6ZBufwz+ezjffZRZopQ47zswPooG+RdFHPQOup73M5gbew5AGXftPmnKa3V0qIfOg6R+vl3lakjoeeta67G+ValZN1qYI216z5ThYkWZK51xkUzArsuy0fdqrItfjzV4081pI/isc5lo0zSoK8XPki6pgOcn6p92Mdn99bb5fdi35uTN1HXjsfVktqaaY0H+ZHhgk1/PwNpzc0uSdV9YvOcnYiQfzpDTzgfGmt2wetsez58G/VfUMCX1udjrZpzOnqNPeadeul9IrvP9qStrfuMyLWKnDtOVQC+KzYmeddPEaT5U1Z7WweZZe5B5qHt2vd58SmzvjhakZSbPkOHAtey2bUqrkZd0LKqjWejvT1vvYrGotfmKefZ2VYRIXDxzmapVaFO3IIVXgau4aVYoThlg5Ybq2AfDH5Z4spm9NaeMf7AISM3d+YmZ3myd0g9XC3qdk9ct5AXM9hkx3lnV6x0YteNS6y/n1byen+EmZJ2PmFdhlXiqJM3TjFcUK5q9nOWRvMAH5JzTOipm6+tidWrcnIKDxGjHC8z/huOAAxrf1+fSNQSP05XC39oLJBV7wBcu+mvkoNvtK2LOe1qLod1Kxiavk5rQNOe/rasp768t0YVfYUfLuZ9Ra1AQsS82izPpt7SxasELU6k7UBUO8iy0rvKmaQoHNAPC+O3T73drUVjCIGQumboomxBWfKRgskmaVTr1S8dMpWFfEBbPJpn67He360zJmQHbovjwDOCXXo494co43u9xkixzy7LA1nELlq7pfyuxIzESP96TOWL8Ti/XzqeJU3zM0npN+U3P9MyXa9eP2xjpqbvazgg6ttpMCE81C1kiPLlfjrnRvb3d++p2lC+wSg8cWmzcpgo49+nWKm1lbMl1DrN5v3hEU2DzV7qympJKdYUXV2newJ1eRSbdAyU8q9TwwMFZIz7K0KGSaIUcOmalFddeohTiZ5Szl7sIGQMfm9MtVKTGM/e0/nTRLQTI73AA57bg5YceFAWEKeGVO2bQ2674XCoQL421HaXtf0R12A5zeZ+gfv1Cq/AVuSFl5tuvtXY5HvyHpSesltztLO4ocx1nLPj/MH5vTfmYDu4wVVWn/Kl2nnBKcwJ6tnn/gA8emkcGxAn2TRdFteMaLZF5CKLS1WdNk5xUo50hq7eaUq8D/ctSs+qz7mbVlqSOpP75i3WX+njvTRtihV3Zad9Dvlqe1fod2b9HDhZtAeiw4v8S+otU3q0jEzxe0+oLlp+n7dDva5t5m1omljk3LAiYUdr1gTb6Buvg0X9AyHZ3bcEoWrrJ+KSvZlBqZzdMeTU/0GPPo8+dkhQo8qb5nMMlebKctzEZ2L7UG5uN4mtfqPIu9UZ/NWaGxMz0BdHL24+WCyYW/0MVq3Cl4u950b6DHnaxplzoLd51jlxY/lXJl/X/6t97quAu+6ExH9j3Ju7r7vaxgmSc1bUpldIaVVautr0yJwrj9SfcwgcsOY0sVclwX4cghp6jR3DXKFCenDFWfdmUDwA6djZDmFV5z7LZjROP++KmOT5ijXPs1c5VRKv31S7W8JUxWBcOY12p/vNi72vss3fCF0mPrhjB7uTnv5zjH6bN0w1e89M2Y9d7btSuDnr3g/iZ0bM8sD//ECO5P5ZrBce7OpH646hz+yp9TTshIaI8W2znFs4Le3+1hwxaz+mygRGbTtBG933Y9s9Zznj8h51rGqfkenC3GfttEMy4HOEurWRRZN37c3qWk9U8UmKkKKF2Wl9k5ZIKdvlppn/hnhUidtOuBZs+7tSV4xVF6+n9IibFgJM0qEvFzJI2kYDlpZp52R9pT/lqDrQy5C4E6tCy1LZt04edLzWLYRIr8dk7DKVKA1KXK+qXMZM0GZauf0Pf/WUuaPW+zu4P5SEvh+RYbO4qewaTV50znNe7U8fgKm3je78O2+s6/NLdsSX8sm7HDXl4C1Xp0kRo3YnS8660FHXy88x7a38z1RDMv1K3Jnhkxq5FTr06ZlVGpN14a7OcvNm8pBqR2TSl8Z9g51epTCHfD9INX6CitRW7CdlBQtKeygYqNHLKLGfldI6Q42aWo/qwLGwCJwZp1nkadpblXex83GX+pMyw7fZLmfa30a2c+mwH+pKnvVdTx1APe5XlmTze7gGfFQj1XeE6lSHo962X6Dn9THbOlrtmvM8zM+ol2gqFI4v6l/QdUN1zfnG892nTHnQVGh/0KbqK/8y0b3ewLcW7aXSOXbXTa+6Zuv8XriE33Omt4sQyT+7Vrj1p3alfmX6vjucF9S9hENnfi7a3aG9ikOjyTydz6RvYvlpE/ICi2BCsjgdJqFknW9frkGTbXXVr1pnWX+TvtQi/CbvOueQFb8dWHMvaB3aI3g56LP/h7L51Zee/+5pQommYVkfiZZYumYJkp5rm7H+2E/uYrVowd+kXGQqDtf/Qmic0ixki+CdVJDcdKU/K3sn7JSXaXli331t6MmqQrr9eNV4X7AkAkPYMr2IyLPfmSL+m1oOfAaYt9tGbkLdXY8ZYX3XxYxGyjl/5rV7JDHQU6Chsn7G/XqfGd270ypx53GAvKf/a19JcZL8B06L77vJCXz7Ji9jUbdDvHvs1FF1zVrimF7gw7p1otFw0Y5DmLzdb5oSt1lNai7JSrHTlkpxb5XaNccbKLU/GZ39tVnELtIiY0+WJNzky/XtMuyTwP5W6yW7OFCW0G66mXjM3eCGOaNOZrOmQ/jmM2Bj3uRo1JNfowablhnntEr630Qps3h746PWzMQ/vDhvTDmV1H/mGefdSwQ7feq+9clWf4Fl4ec8DPcUTZYvplCO/oUadXH9WjL2q3HVmat6KvL1W/5iWtO+xAv2Beu7Tgds25QePzhvjt79jXfxM6pqgd1s/MCbnH65ukEOscSqpZVFmPn26/AyCteFIXVPQ95obTNSrhvcf5x/W6bFwey21anM25+WWNzN4PatezXgqJs0p8NCPCZhWJ+L60ERbMTzPf0R1pmwcX88/TIrfv2rpMa0a6raldv1vuyfe5wu975BMo4tNpDadIGTIvVdYvZaZg3Ef11Ymh7ztR9Qwm34ZxOv1B70HuY6tzG6x5iudb7HNn5xTZOe1w7w5m3Ga+L/bjm/ICNOpb3yj9PkNetFyPrlPj77zllq1RA+37hFMu04s3u/cIY/c+5e2s/ZrZHtSdTpowP+OVCbNjxEC1mhcAdmhHstgL07VrSiE7w86pVr+a2/d4zuQhx2hM2Y1mHi3Zrvff1/vv6cMP1WNQeV+w8RP3HSW1yA+ZclQ5cshMrRZ3jXLFySxPFe4u/ASgCqmyooacwU3FeSA1o5nQ5z/petRpzt/pdPtcdfEt2hQ0rZKVX/bJ+pXe9EDTRWWM/k0a/gx0dnolzvqM03VzbJg3nA+EpWdtUgtjeuV9VswG/8AaAOZjlkXHxjZCdb8miwO70qN/szLKvBUd4ZxBzyAZevayWSQzyAQJ4r+dE3QxwK+kmkWWdZNmjbAFeEOv2t7WeoX7rdMFdjS/vjlgBmuZXbHmJ7d1pfb6J8ZhloL8wTu/7NOZFwLcUTarSMS3ZYyyYDbNgN/uSXvkxemlYmZC1AyBNj3pPRRqmlbw/ZkA8Yt6dV7DKVoM/2Ik/dL6R/T9m7S6+OtDNsvIegY3wZkzvHRbH8l9uLd9pWex95tWbIPXwEenJtHJsyIY/Zt0uk6Nb3rLYWXeOrN3eGf/vcyFQKtN79rqmcFmV4xPZ88EDbWPULa866RT5KhVUyqnM6x1tfrif2Bn9Pat0r/8s9MQzN8P/k0//pHu/YmWLNGyZVr6+4Cbjp9CGEdJLQqTSGCYwJFDZsha3DVqJ05myfPcXfkJQF5ha+2x3W7yZba2aPKHjwld9g394jbv62MLf6ir/yljGiB0mUx33DxQ00aFjhAiYMceO5+dEbhxoq7erwXuknpj9f7HUd60ujNXYV4Xzv+smI27yd6uTh5kvWr5e6BD47+gEdP1n2bfif6akN23Fso50aiRJ8u8/2Q+j3C0+bbI0TLN1ewgZL7v9voDWrbWiWdsiWs+rQY7qZOZVEfG+sS0aZQZwrp3bvVcgd9hsKHK+I0w64kX6eE7vayfelljQz9WyizuoMnqt9yb6zKvDGZ+93q7/VaDuR1e9UUtXeAGa9OKFs22Cty60psVG3xR9pebM/Nw3ZE3q0jEN0WLvGB5oqc9uint2X+jV37k3qp36MEn9I59mPn5v0yLVmtXhA0nTFEr65dMymZU/bcT9Yff2o+LJ7VsgVaepb+Zoz7+3SSoBNEK2OcsjXrQG+gvf0WXn2mzNE9v3JuCOZ9XqvrMB4A/6XbIZjs7MxVletp+J2hQmU+/bcZl/0YLpGD2bXrdHaoef2JWkD5mIdBL3or/ZXfreXtx7udy58WOtzfKzdtLL4erUVMqqzPsnGrd9o5FVvh3lP2ua+EgEV+pcuTgl6Yz7xp+pjVzHLlPAMq2qPboF6mn2wM1I/sN446ELv+63WYnqQW3aXshazqnoho0a7YG22ntJxc6TxUjPA58EJzYoKm6cpp3afcq3fWo497jzlIUKfgA+9pxw3Fe3OCfDrW1lZg+D44Y5GtepZowNezo3yQwbo4uu1QzpmvCRI09TSOHa8jJGtTk2AMnDfUySBwTPPp3LnfYiQfT+2e/5uVFtj8H7DTGwIHWK+i3DDWLLuvMzSVbnyr8wndQgdN+5uNrZ3lnWa8M7tT/tgOF2V928H52mhfMvOPo6U+H/m8qTML54mmxowbNKhrxa1CwYhy6Ke3++ms7o7xmuTf9f/rcjPmRYjIXu3ZYGk6xAmVfK7dfMrFHDVWir2ZfpW9enf5a+e6X9ON/1tMt2annnEXXMzgJ1zndY+poeST9Jtirj3nVN35e6epLHqUpU52/yed4PW31o/+uVuNm5dU+F1P+l3bMQqDeKYJtanVvBOaRV/5n1/2nxG/ZuTOPe+BPbZpSWZ1hLao1X9bhdpIoMVDjJ+nC2Zo7X1d9Tf9wo751k773r/pv/12Xh9gaKz9l41OGFmXHr3bkkEot6rtGxeJkC1fx2ZH7BGCbWbpdzuFv8mWW9N36z0Vjtjk2wFXXa0jQHHNWzIQmnqPJZ2vZnVrtTsCbHvmuD713mrNCVnTi195JeS86m29VzH3f+3pua7N+YdIvMvZ3c28yI903HJfzbZThrlf+v6QW3iSD1kx3XT8z/3LNfYYVnoXqaxfdFhHUdEkG1W63mM+/ogn2Tplf7m1ufRn/YQPyL6Z9wqtZtFmbzSWf/IlbjKSe31zizel0cbNdY0wv7C70d14Z/JS379PD7mIPE3DUHE1wkQ6bon7NLrQten6bM9dl1hJsdZMadUmJwURNmpVUvfg1Klg24KyzbkrbbGV4+qr0/mBmX8vP+JPKWfKVd3K4Gk55pSwntP9wseFkffXbevUJLU7NKEmPLdSLZ2j+59VoJ4MyE462ZzApN01Qk1n/Y1xtat6g2WYuf6d+m9rvy+zWlf/CT2ZpUu69ziuwJe9v+fGK+HS1Gm99zSvs0PwevsH5FMxddh7EhPuraQGS+RWXfM0xtNLriALCOl41akpldIYVVWuQzhaQ0PUeONS7etZnKrwxFUk9vBblJFLlyCGVWuR3jYrFyZGu0tOPVRqxy8fzP8UVpqRtr3iP/MIEdsK06d4fFvs6kp/OAeOq0+zrdMEIz88Mx2+5v+Ro3E8glKNXUFc99tL0ngYtzd4SpiLJ9R3kXdz+58KhDuk992LxvfYLx6/wim8o9+xZOAV7Bz5lWOEw9TrB9tOty4M3yjCRzTcoUpu+me/NDS9scpiQZahZpFlnbi556MPC8ha9YmaP/P1AH3vWCWoW/zyXsnxG6/KJNnK9Zk7y3I897jxFedBO/19UdCxYu2ZVpfi1K5hFFvDbfWn/5Yy0OGbvyKDOJh0gpOtwNZyQxSsjmD8Nkx1nzHR974b0x7nM1mR33KTlG7IDpc4i7RmcJOvTuxivdo2Qp+2S6zmX2pegggqS9jNbAKVPonF1tRp/w53tMsP2E4IUumlqek9VM9s1KHAUXK8hqbtJm7baJ8bFYdWiKZXRGVZUreZd3vIOG96/a5cXvWjoMrTITccvQ7UjB/cDGt6ooGgJ0xdDjBLLFSedeDSuAp1XNIkf1lRSS95NEUqL2K6fL/bKOniSZoyX+TJcQXX5QL9e4E6umLnwmzX3Bo3N22omUO5pV6n3r7xF6mZp/vff0zevKj1nEJhU2tOXrSPtl+macpX23Jb+epq5FNiPpaL0OV1NSxzR9r2iXRcFb2Dnb5ycmUsnuFv95zkFJM0sQ/H3pz85TeuXecEX/UzfuiZvQNOh3/zSCzBhRt7VzJzMG2L2QYFfFdnXs86izfrcc7XaFWTjJneSLyursCd+Iq3PaMup+rWd9Lp6XlYKY85TYpU7Jtioe+600/8XF/0KbI2blV/yssWvccGywGWf+GXuXrT9pQ4aogvsi4/ZkpV9dhgbTtllLRphx+sFL9f11+Xf1roHtcS+O7FikVaN0Jcu0yA7DZGKHG3PYNIcM1lKTfnv0NL7teYNJx+zyXL+xmipAqT+O19NShW1Tavf1IxCz4Ez44R2d60ab1dLqus+vuC+2GZP1TXuwGD40IJCDjjemQ00x+vvhHotvhZNyeTudyyBnWGV1XrykILid/6FsrTIFC+ykUNt7hrlihM18CP3CUBqybvh1fZhCWjP3e8tjjSG/lcv0TCzpvxENfYv8Heyrr0h/TGmJT/Sc2HW/7lFmPAFzbUzqWaxza036zWzyUAVh/+iapE0Zv9d+ps+JlixeR3/61dt+u0fg5N84Zlg/27k23S2swOmd2zRD+7WloxaSO7UL35oFzwM0adOsyEL/IZXM5NAtFk3jrULVe2MS4EyFvNOf03GfD9ugbcodvJX8ma8+uusgV46W1M3zoRm2FcIAjOodbOqWPxaFyyQRsqzm9Le46wmcY7x5+a+B5nyr+D/YWw4FZS2SJTUHosmQKEpgLEX61tX2y+Lmx74DS24WUufzXqNKtqewSltk86347Y1dj/fzxRe8ZgSsL5feoZoxdMpv8j+d6kaT261N/3CW96ZPVXnz9WFc3S+fXqfz+JE2yu++Vb+xQCfWjQlk03xzrDCarUK3dArQJDD5VWWFkVYyBrdNQ6XOJbMkWsA+IOi9Y9lb19oRU/9ms/aP7zRdSZK743gRe2vr1+f7igfXqCH8x7sHnI3VM7Oyjkbe4nmT7PebVp0i5Y+pfYO61Pm73sZI9eCUROaOzd9cd/GjO+bpL0915jPeHuebl2uu4xdlJH+3s1aeoceXpsXp8t4+DVeokR1mvuljCBbdO8tuv1u3fcr3XWzvv8ju1YqoatCbEvqZ1pczbz8Is1aBzxz7uQiS54yBA121usT2bc3s6l/4LfYzjYvDGQcg6cXW/1fo2aVkb/ZRLYS8TujYFmlzD7pnrTXvuBJMWl0tjhVnB3OhlNFsYtEbXmr4MV6M230r7ogg96aZfqX27Rum40Sbc/gpjrpXJu4+2va9Zjsxw5Zl1Mn/TXJjmi1Ucvy7msBUUJ7dakaf+NVr9xDinaeI8/UlInFNnE61jwBcI/dbxadXPNCqRZNyUm7eGdYUbW27fIKfVSBZbfm8/DLfqWn37SydcpveVoUrkh+moWC1+6u4WcdavxQqHyV+9fddNNNlcfuyjH/37u2e92v59boqGP0wR7t/3/q3Vu+1ZPcnP5G7/i5mnBCWIE+1lsThmmlnVnZ+opeeUuNw9R4jJtCux75g/YbZ72mnGs+qph1NI7Q4A4nfOowT5BXPqnVf9bEM7Jm1/a+pjVvO0GmXqgBqWS9GPbHLMX+tfa6xkPiFJ3aaP3zfo8+XpvNJu5uSPMp4iLzGQbN6eP1+vN6v0MfvCMz39/8uFY/r+aHtfJF7UhtmuCmb75yPzl74JiXbbCHL9e489VYoGfJjxkm1lEf6Rl3Xm3Q+GI0TOJ1fTRpmP70UrrL3v+e3v2zPrDPR8x2aV+7TiccnV+QXJ8wapYZp5qsW1/WvUu05/+pn9mvqU0P/FLb3BqZNkvHB2pIZsaF3b06tCplA7th/voq9c1RWde//li98rSr1e7p5+YFBzMXa9Ssqhe/RgVzeYT9111op+XZpv/zpHNmFpBcdHrau0pXZzacMEUN08MEpmM+9bjVbYbmHY/zRgUGcT0/pqEf16nH6kW/re3Xhhf0yjYd10dHJ1Q/ILJOKVWInn31erPetyWa+lkNNf1GqWPwAK2w97Xtr2jfsTo1e5fMUgkUvN6FarxDj/7a2zztzAs02Nvxp2DJi1zo8YFWrHGvv6dR5+u4uiJhpeiaUrmdYdnValY4360P3DXDm17U9m1a9UetelrP/FErHldzsx5/VC+skXldcO+xuSOBjl0ek5I34qKwgi+Wq0Vh2nXxkUNN7xrlihMMpXLfI9cAGDBErz7laLBz7NebG7TuFb28Siedo0Y7vvn5D+3DgYG66rNZ4+9UvCL/zbcexx2bHjnt36M3EzovNSY+qFVPuUOl4zRtUkCyxgYY+hdak2E6Jz+mqdkhd77q3BvMYb725xc4szzbn9by//Q8SrQ0Y/G8o41/Vu8z9PW/CihPZrLqqU+cr6Pe05vveN7mg/D5jyj21+m8s0ollZWud+LLVZkBcNr5GlDYbDDYzRj+458s3aeb6jvvHB3ToR1vp80AU8R+QzRjjuZ9SvXFu3IrWhg1s2G934qzfvclPfuqtrY4HfHKZ609NlqXTk7btDl5hTmt76HmVV5A8wHsmYUGMT21b722uGOdxBn6bOH1PzVqVtWLX6OChYHsh+kutP0CP7zQG+Ce91caeqzvXa2jMxtOmLJW1i+ZdSSLHveSN9+TOi9jjj8w04YTNfUsvfOf2uXMDznH/p1a96KeeUp7T9K4U6LplFIpm965fo/Wpbpxs13vbNX7U19eiICfur5Z81PbN6r5ee3dr44DMh94akvquEqHy12nxpNv6Xf2odaUCwtOZATQyfOq+5hWP+PdQQZ+vMR9J8KmVG5nWEG1mm+YmknD1K1/1069v0/mU6H7zWvE9uO+KRiTL87tFnwDYMSEElto5OEs7VGuFvkGQMUjh5reNcoVpzSg8kLYZV7lxeoWoet19Q366T3Zr+eP0MkZr/yfcoY2uWtaJl+UXtITXjjzya1527U4NXgaqC//pY3aw3lzdLeZMxtUMNlh03X1MVqwTOb7FJOmamredzGMZqTe4jqUP/p28/mT7cLMm5ifGGqzLvB7xkXqea7GhHyBr05TLtWUz2rLW9qyVR8ecr4F07uvGo9X/x766e3ujpB7ZZ5e+WvpC2Qb4L3udc+zV+FxfH60OneG20zMB+7Y4IXv6Xx1YW+vrG9a5SeV9qmX6bzMX3ubnI0OTK3VKxFu3J+ZSEk1Swf2XRVl3dc+bvaTMY75cyoxwzJTMK+im3u6M7A3L4EU3dXn3M9o/c+0O6lxn8hKIOekRs2qevFrVLAc8UucdhPajhQdWr3U7grVoE9ENBPs8QnRPweQrKjhBKST51VZv2Q6+tMHav0OJ7l97zijpZL9hxmKXf4NrXtUS5qzCjF6gHsaqYCjzlci9ZxzePCmDlklsCcjZ+raAfrZEu+NIPOwcU2zUtPcJsi8b4dYSmSTyvrtMjWecL8Hn3rc+2GB22tWyYuc+J+Wb1RTxtAiN0bUTamCzrC8aq3TZV/UDxY6N4XxEzWgIWu/O7PCue3PWrdO+/rp7Gi7hVxweedlalH1I4fa3jXKFCcPR5Uef/HRRx9VmURXj976pt5udUarTUM0rAbKusskXqf+/bO6/o527WxXU/8q4LRr2f3aP1ifn56Vsp9isk172lXfVw0VDMP9VMp3PH2vu0Vmo771jRI75ASkndQ9Nzl7yJxuvuc1MeB69/WqtZqlyJhll8+s0Ia9GtpL283u1P9FI4vuUhqSZ9tOJevUp2+wpoVMJNpggc2qRuKXVfLAgpWVQregbXbC/ZcFabGGzdaV2S+BpK9V5+qchlOijNX1S8l259uIZmTfp5yuONmqJYvUYlZam9fPrteYKBpygJhJ7dqjugb1KTI8DYjmeG3ZoJbXtOkdtXtP0nXCmfqr6ZXM+2Tm0BVqvCOptvfNyvncG3dmOUO6283SYvMabuHqq1FTqrgzrFG1+riSLfr+QudswvzKt6dz4hc9uoIWFS1g1sWSd43DJE4MDICseuCkagJbHtW9zabDq8gAMLOK7lPFsifaqy42CUAAAmUQ2KPbb3Gf9blxrr4pb2OoMtLqBkEPV79kLIeeDdUOqbsB3zgXMWZNqX2DfrDIqe9Z14d+Gh9n9TicsodYFHg4i0feXY/AkI+7u0/2KrjtXfEi19WVv8ymeIpchQAEIifQV9d/V5NHK2HWAMw9wkf/Bt7h6pcaGP1HrrpdLcGYNaX6EzTKbEnSoJHVrIDoapV4ZJaHJwBHZr0iFQQgAAEIQAACEIAABAIJ8AQgEAueEIAABCAAAQhAAAIQODIJYAAcmfWKVBCAAAQgAAEIQAACEAgkgAEQiAVPCEAAAhCAAAQgAAEIHJkEMACOzHpFKghAAAIQgAAEIAABCAQSwAAIxIInBCAAAQhAAAIQgAAEjkwCGABHZr0iFQQgAAEIQAACEIAABAIJYAAEYsETAhCAAAQgAAEIQAACRyYBDIAjs16RCgIQgAAEIAABCEAAAoEEMAACseAJAQhAAAIQgAAEIACBI5NAjyNTrMilat+jtg41da9PWye1ulkvb9TBhC64VGO6V+FDVmFSy3+uVXud0F/5ezXVhYzWhYLtatUx/VUfVck7tHePDnQ4Atb3VUOilKSp8FLPnmpoUFSlKJVrZ1zvaNe2t9SyQZt26qB01FEaPEynj9OQw9oQOpJSorM4d4vWUa7GdobudMM8OtTeofqS7T2MZNWrTY16lRrc0WrVHmtDoJuNQyLUSaO3XVYtw7SpLhoGA6BkxSTV/Bs9udYJd+2/dsYQc9dm/fmAjj9BjQ0lC1c4QFL33KSt9vri+/W9azpr2GEzDfO77gmt3qrRkzV5VJjg2WHatPA2bTIjKvfY3a6maohlp905Z81364MtB8QAAEAASURBVMktzojw6n/SoMI372Sb1GBCFTs6duqhh7R6Y1aYC7+mKSdm+aROzI1k8+ta+4rWv5F1dfBoTZysM0ZFoCqmPCteko5W/z6q66GOQzrUoUMf6sODzv/9+/Vhu95r19iLNCGohFnFKvdkp+65R1sNtOxj6xt6brn6naH5l6mxNrZOcX1e96CWrJQadd3f16oAaYmrax3FBTG5VF+/ZWlsWq6KXCXFqSjVYpHadmrzJu34s9reV7sxQOt16jhNqKCXK5ZJ+trSH2pNm/qN1rxL1VSf9g90FRv1VqE2te1VanBHi7w91pBAp49DAjWnLM/IdNLk2mXVsiwiXS4wBkCpKll+t1bs8AJFO8Tcu0G/W62xUzRheLoQ636vJau8UzNS+fJlaigwUml9U2vXaus7apyk2WemU/BcCZ1znjvaSJ1v0W9e1mX5wfLiZXq89qgWNTseiQb1Tqi+lzONav7McbBdB5M6eND5b0bgyQNKmp+B+tZ15k4X7khq6f/Uml1O4E3bNO7boSPa5NvfTo/++03SqEpH/8k92rBWLW8541FzHHWchp6i8R9Xn+IjbluM1G8FiWx5wh39m/hJ/e5pXTs9O0V7tuUp3fuIYwDM/7pGFpCxrUW3LrQRMn7f/SDjJOU02O/WGqvSOZe3bpT5W5rQhV/UlCoGK8ltuuVORzFKHk0HigWpgKpJrn137ui/90ANSGiTsbWk3Wt1x1u67r9GPQQvpc9OT+IWQLt0xz36zjUlLDpTVDMX8PI69T5e6qXJpzmFD39U3jpKCWLKUH39lqGx4WUODBlCnMB4FXu++pQefUK787S/5SWtnKbrZxZLuDKFV4fec9vR7o26698090aN7Vswl2W3abXb654+N+COUKHadEKvEsUdLRNKxO2xxgQ6eRySCcq4K1HL6HTSFKDrqmUOqW52igFQqsL2m8kbe6zdpDHj7EnVv2/9SZs2On/PT9O1qbtCW3r0b5I3I5Wtn9GYoDHfpke1sNkrwbsnBRkA0tiL1esYLVzuBVu/RM8N0uQm7zTMz8YXvVBmBnq3KY972ygSMTGojEH8poe90b+TYF9VoIn1Q2WkaXULtHuzuQmWP2/dpmX3aXX2LLhJb9NaPblUk+dpVpjqrjSRjv1u0d1/ravUPj2A3qYnbA22adHNuvqmgAcFHa26Y6GXVGKILpmpwfb232Ad6ZwOaUP26H/8DE06XXpPq1ZoTQpFUo8t1KvT9NWig5V0mnmuxxcXG/0be7JvXx13nE4crfOH50VOeVRK1cSuH6HJA/WcFXP29Zrgqr0B9R+3O5ps5pN++oBuvKRA1hV5l9Dndq1Pjf5TiW/R7ffrxkuL5tSuuxdYjA0ad1qAehSJX3HrKCGIm2WV9VuexhYRMsSlMOKESCZUkLY39fOfeD2SEyGhwQN1cI9a7cMo06UnZxYw/KpQeB3Qexn2xqZ3CxsAHXrfhly/QskzcwtTodp0Sq9S/R0tXYuRt8caE+jUcUgak9NVVniLjE4nTXG6slpm0upu7gqGXd1NxCrLO22WVi/y0lj/gjrGlT/KDCxBh174T+9Cq39XaNC887TYLBJIHY0aHDT6dy5mmCUXTvKC5/8Mm64rZUeQ0sO3q+m7GhZ2il4nmLUZ7pKSRMIZiCTMTIC9eZi8ejeql3kgkHCeCdTXq99QTT0nvwiFfTJ0r/dJufehwtEyrtRr1BC1psZVZmGJW8KMyyWcZhTyo9u1LyNU7wbts7dq4/3cYn0ozSlqA1STyJDxkq3rwecFDO/MIwLffjPl6T0iWPceWuQNExOj9Y9XBIdJS1mvf7hRf/i59xCg93maM9292KQ5o3TBm7rnJx6Trc36RV9dPjEdNbyr7wAzfW2Dm+cJl+jEfjr2WB3TSz1DrICvhqqTa53OPkfPLXUL0KhT3dG/492kz56nhS7zfa/LPO8J3RTcpIr/K67P9fr6d/Xqav3+Ea+y9r2ke47XV6cWS7S3sbpT1yuwkCtuHcUFcctTZf2Wp7HFCIW4FkKcEKmUDtL6gu5KqZzpiIbosjkaaRVvzf1a+pKTwpz5wR1dtQqfWbqEzh2ReZ7trlO/Xs6ozhz9RgQVpjK16ZRexZS5yjtamkXk7bHGBDp1HGIxRaaWVeqkKU/XVksLrNv9ZnSO3a7snVPghtN04Qg9lpoZfUNb2ssYQBcp4a7ntdUOps+fk+6Ix1ysufu1xL1bmAWdhcb/ZrDrHY0aVfSlRqfHPJR+XLDwf+mb3yiYrE3U+51whc7sUF3GGqTXfq9FqRVKDbomdDo5yaZOh01V00pvtqxPITkDY2Z4jjjJW1ZR1sMHJ4E9zmSwN/o3I9TLdPapShhJk9r0J/1yqTdKW7NYY4cVXHhTZSJ1fdXPjvAGD86QynU6K3/s0xuzturqL2lQEKXkm94DfRPpr+eVGv27KZuXg8ePCF4F1Ge4brxBt/zII9OyVK+NLix+bpHT5xM/pcc3egx7T9SUstaeRVE1DY3pwmTor957P+0fraukPtfVa+xUjRmhf7eLo7Y+omV9NLuQhVmv4Y3eY7d+w9NdRPhiV9Y6SgpiClBN/VagseFFzg8ZRpz8WOX6tLekR/+jLtLl2Xbd+EvV7yz1GqjGQIszCoX3C9z7zBJr20aP8B6O2fuPH9VzVKY2ndCrpMpXzR0tU9TI22NNCXTyOMQBFZ1aVq+TpjhdXC0zVav7uD/WfYp6+Ep6zkXpvJ+x0/Zpr4pcjzd70XpP0ozhWUmYdTupo1AHba4OHGaj9FFP6yz0O2ymrpphL+7SrT9zVsuEPDJH/yZKv0E2Xoh5XBu0wG+DRg30LuUPfwvEyfWut2Pi3sfmXip+bvYO2p0K0aBr/0lTTnNH/8YnoWET9Y/Xy0y+po6HnrWuvN9qE3FHeHmpOh6tz7rr/t1rZl7fvFkROPo311tS9ph5PjBJQ8wzmnBHX78e88P31zXz0r5FxE8HynOZufazMobgedeLeVRLNZW2NZF7j86a5t/0ls3afZXFnkTxG06f68yzkYxj9WI9vS3jPNt5jC3k8KHZF8KdVdg6QghSTf1WprHhJA4KFUKcoGjl+CX1i4Ve+MEzckf/qQtDhhcY/cvZx6zavsjMj9q+9JSRXklK/gww0w9BR4VqYxZy1rhX8QtbzR3NTyTliLY91pRAJ49DqlXLSHXSVFbXV8sc1eoOpxgAIWqp7kRdMMQL12LWTRaP0q777tDtd2tTxmKSnBh7X9Z6e/WKz+RcDHXa0z666XdSqEnfIdOdVdHesVELHrXuMn/9idXep2SNq8pMxgvur2M6ZIdr5abT106cl6iU7HSTm9Mvds/7upryxs1mfHOFtfp2P6PWIIMpkkR62BHeKX7tmLUzL+uuZV6JE2foxisKo+7QamuRTjQLikIf5n3uIkfDOJ1vy2NeKyyLrZ/sSSf7zjIckVDNzC+zbo1ZZXZKSR3GzAucjc2MW647lD4nNK4xK+HH7tS6PVk+/smIEZ7zhON8vzIclbUOk0EYQSqrXzP3UJnGliF2XtAw4uRFKsNj+9N2v7VGXT69jIgmaOQKf0K2dhUpTWOBkBWrTSf0Kr44Ud3RzIxPhO2xpgQ6cxwSrVpWr5Om3ruFWvr62U0cGADhKurcmTbcDr2y07qDfrc8rfU7tHuLHn4h6LLr9+gj3qXx8wP2FW0KPYVjUkn6N7eCuXkX7FDTOW1t1n2Fi1csJTtST1gLpFjgktdCF75gSrY8BQMEXdjwjOdrVsAHvmNtLjdNdt4wdo6k1m5OubL+R5JIOkVrY+x9RXcs8bx7n6F//ELRtR870/sgnZw9tZxOOdBVqvomnG+j7dDOiiwA/0GWTSjUb8RUTZ4pve/QukfTZpXZiPPzZb2vEqrsGQPnIuHb9fYu53K/IemnTEtud9YWFjmOs0+6ioQJuFRR63DSCdEwK6tfVayxAeKF9gohTui0AgI+bZ/CTZ5dtlUZucKH3wp5QCGrsmK1qX2vkkk/mjtatO2xxgQ6bRwSrVpGoJOm4ruJWmaqaJd3YwCEq6LEcE2w8yUrbXcfELVdDzR73q0twStt0tP/Q3TxaQFp+H1I5uRlbjgbKJHZC+YGSp+bdbf+ZqYp3/VLtbwlHaBcV0VjwtxMGvrk+nTGebueWevlc/6Ewhmar6fZt6v353c9kSSSl3nbBv14sefb+yzd8IUSj3eS79kkGktv/m2DOr+Jgc7rB0WOPkPTw9MPDhQJWPBSPrOCQf0LNaBq9l1Z/YS+/89a0uxlY96lNtvwVzai9ksa6Aipz6nh6OmzdMNXbDJJ3Xu7dlkj0Pra34SOLbnOz4aN5DeMIJXUr7GmK9XYauQKI07F6Zuu1Xucm9DZ9olN2NRqoPDmaxshj6q+MxOURyf0Kn62Ed7RImyPtSbQSeOQqNXyMOqkUZhaV4qvk93QgQEQutKmXegF3W1eXS3Qyb76UMYecFv0ZltA6g/+3vOclfHub0A4c7Pcr11mC7md2pX51+p4bnjJFmattrdqb6nx+FMPeOHnmS0R7eqOFQv1XGtgzqU9C60fLR0zI8SJJ2WcdJqzw85vNmhk0fene1grK2CFUiSJZIjcs17tG3TrIs/LfNbA7BGZ+fZqRti0c8db1n2Us0FT+q9dyQ51FNBSG6fob8+iTx6KRk1dHDDIC1TMjs1JJ2qqTvK7tGy5t4pp1CRdeb1uvKrEW5I5hQp/WpY+7z+guuH65nybfJvuuDO1O4v18X/7FfwYiB8kWkcYQSqpX6mGGlsYQRhxCscucWXb616Akm86BiRUC4UPyCbIq0H9OteqdApRda/iSxL5Ha2T2mPVBDpjHHK41PKw6GSkaunrZzdx2CFONynu4Sxmw+kalVCLO9T+43pdNi6vMNu02I7LU9eaX9bI7O0gdj3rpZA4q/SW/GajwDuyE8zL0hnfLLhdc27Q+MJjWTOyTE3/N83QmCaN+ZoO/Q9vD36zMehxN2pM34CEi3s12R3uigcrfvXQ/uLXa3K1/R37yl1CxxQdYvczH2Byj9c3SdnPaiJJJFO85x7Rays9D/Me4VfDrSTucCevzAg7uUM/vikzPdfdqG99o+w1CXmpVOhhPoqZOpKHHFMkZY0YUyrZrvff1/vv6cMP1WOQxme8KhA51ZyiH9VXJ0ahtznJ+qcV6LPZ3OMf5tnHPjt06736zlV5pleNV7D45fcdYQSpoH5N+odFY8OI48tetsPWTvi3b/0sIlT4Q7YYfuKFHJvfdq/06myrslB5KvCvxR0tVYyu2R4zEXXCOCQqtYyVTmbWUfdxYwCEr6s6XTBVLcudCOublRyXe59eZhdv+EluXam9U5Ve59KhZX/wLl72aT9UBI6eRQeyD6SeOST0+U+6edVpzt/p4G3ek+vFt+jKcj4OkCpuwKR4+XL4U+zlR608Rs9eTsU5dlwyeI2Wn7T/xrPv4zsiScRPzTjW29F/00Ul9obPjJVyF3r8M3lWFaP/drtHqtSjqHbllyfl84F9/LVvlf6l0Kq5gTrtunQ7ipxqTtnWP6L1T2j2lzQhw+rICVPNaWX63GecrjugO5a6Ob/hfCDsBv/hT2qBX69KPpNXa0EqqF+/SDXRWD/1PEdl9ZKXTLCH3xNW8KJ2hAo/7OT0dsDBBbW++136ZiFcGY/mbNxqf6vuVVIFqMUdzRettu2xegK1H4dEpZbdQydNxVdfKb72dDMHBkA5FTZosvotd+ePd+il1qwp/O1P2f63QVd9UUsXuMHatKJFs0d5ebSu9F7ZHHyRRobYgiTRqJEnq18/mW3yjzZfUDpaZqDf42jnq1uvP6Bl7kJ2s1L8mk+roXBq25/wBvrjL8t44Tihy76hX9ymFneUtvCHuvqfAj4xWw6bbhO2I2PxcvE1Mju3ekLlf6YgkkQCkbU+ouaBmmZ1JjBMvqf58NAn3WcUZlshM9wx2tLvBA0q/8GOn3L7bm/ZjPkEwYmFtcsPn+/Y9k6+X67PqIlZo5BaUO03TX87UX/4rf3ec1LLFmjlWfqbOepTkWGTK0OZ5x177AOojIiNE3X1fi1w9wYwz/3+4yhdf4lzuXWH89/s9HUYxmpOzsWOCuo3M7nINTYz8c50b7Z63lh+c4tQ4f13sjO6tyAMSW11lWqQfbwZFKhWftX3KqZk0d7ROrk9RkKg1uOQqNSyW+ik0ahIKqVWbaa26WIAlMW3Xn95lveVrsdXaPKlNvJO/W+7sc/sL2uI+eDoNO/bW+YFxE+Ncu/fHfq/qTAJ53OkYY5xczR7eHDAk4ZKrgGQOKbY6N98y+MX7iMLM4ybcWpWUh0JXf513XKzO9Gb1ILbdPU3StsA/nRXVlrd66TDDm3b9PpOTSi8dOqAncMeaN+aSAsaSSJ+cg2aNU1r/+B9G+7JhdqW9y0hP2ygI3mUpmQvNgsMFt4zPWla/ieWU7kMH6UntzhO8w7WaSdrwPHqc5yONX/1Shhrti7rA3NewaKl6iY6aqgSfTX7Kk3brMW/1Fa3Tne/pB+/pAuv1JQyDS2vnFX8HPggOPKgqbryQ6/T2L1Kdx2ja2dqz7tO4ELz5cEJdZZvJfWbUbbINTYj7c512up5fYdGFuiuCxYoOoWvSz0skl5/p+DOZk4x9ng7lp54OAyA6nuVyO9ondweIyBgKrHW45CI1LJb6KTBGU2lOK2r2x0YAGVW2Rize6C7Lj/5kl77lPeR1Id/6d2kR83RBHeR8bAp6tfsTvVt0fPbNOVEbV/p9byjLsmYiS+a+7DCU0p97VJme/cJTujp39qFHGZ58T8Hh/F82xwb4KrrNaTodO82sxq+Sx7hp0hTewLsdqV4/hVNKLzafps7VWYCDsvbYTOSRNIgE5p4jiafrWV3arWbacsjuutDZwgY9thrHmOWs+CnzSpGgQzSrzZW+sGHgUO9pM/6jGaFGxhFTNXN358QbThZX/22Xn1Ci1MmsfTYQr14huZ/Xo3htacArvDefo97Ut42TObzRnPf9+YXWpv1C5No8eYdOtdayFdB/WaVt1yNzYrchU76mCWebpvd9LoUTs/90keo8H517HA3mfWzyHHs2uJ5hNk1uGy1qX2vEvkdLeL2WHsCqfqr6TgkKrWshU4a8bugWua0su5z+rHuU9SuUVLzMQ5/P9DHnnXKZBb/PJcaKY7W5RNtKes1c5Lnfuxx8+6bHrTT/xedacMU+PVn2Xv2LBDCeNtxzSn+J4Hzwra9osfeyPMt4tGme39Y7PtlJqr/4aoiyRyWS+ZN07BHvU6we0C2LtdrZuAcdHRstvQGani+JRZJIhn5HjDuOs2+TheM8HzNEPCW+0OPAM0WQBmplXS2v1c0fIf++IyXRgWvNnoxbY34+lyyVMaCiaBqUtn4N/bsXMdM1/du0CirAGaT0Dtu0vIN2YE65axXkKU99lJdaBWgpdlboVd9ccpoHeEzq6B+MxMvU2OTe/RaS+ntzjJz6By3/zkt02C3l9UITfmiU/i6Xp64WzcUe7XpZfeeFXJdX7lqU+tepRZ3NF9JImmPtSbgl7a245CI1LIWOmkIdDW19CulGzoK3Ca7oSSdV+Rzz9XqZU52rc9oy6n6tV38c/W8rDKMOU+JVe4wa6PuudNO/19svkFU4mj1Z9mLL1F3k0k/vcpJtV0/X+x5DZ6kGePVs4cKWhQf6NcL3A1Mk1p4s+beoLEFFsakFiWbdLua4pxsP9WcgyHw9JPTtN6tQXN10c/0rWvy5s479JtfelEnzMi76l6JJJH84k27Sr1/5b3gYZaDf/89ffOqgpvWO9+MW+mm0abVb2pG6AnI4tXXtj79fbFPnJJfxhr6REV1x+sFC1nXX5d/W+se1JIUOmnFIq0aoS9dpkHWMCgYufoLPvoCrXvKVdpzm32hyM2u7BmvvEKW1TryYkfpUZnGvvaoFjV7xbj6ptIrFaMscam00hJJv3ta104vFqHNfETyWDVk1GhUCl83wPlwobOr8xt6skBX4O+dP+ycUNOo5aqNr9qBCKrtVWpzR0vfyaJoj7UlkI21puOQSNSyFjppGHQttcyulO52xhOA8mus8eP2I0rm8z0LvKUUk7+Sd1vqr7Ps2vHUe1em051xVvn5VRTjufu9LxKYlyC/eonM+/iDTlRj/wJ/J+vaG6xQ0pIf6bmgb9+agqQWJRtH24cVFSvySLbHbbATYGFyaDrb2dHVO7boB3dryx57aiYYduoXP7Qf9xmiT7kv16YvW1ckidjEsn4nfEFz7eMjczu/9Wa9llG8zKD1/dI38hVPZ14J6/YxpCMk9ZvfemdN0zQkIEQ6bOSuqKimtps0xbMKklvSsRfrW1fbjz2bSn9DC27W0meLzZ7mJlHRuf9meZHYs/9OgzMulzutnI5qhS+rdaSj18BVmca+vjZdlAP2yUPa67C66kekOxPzRHH5mwVKk9Tye3Xrj3THw1kBolJ40xGcZidBVvxED7+SlYtz0q7/8zPXM6HZxW9DVatNQJ9Rda9SoztajdpjLQjk1GhNxyHRqGWEOmmE75JqmVMp3e0UA6CCGqvXJ+xj+lRss6l/4Crns8/JSn3w9LCr/7OiBZ0UvwnuekEPb3SjJTTvL4Pi5/v119evT48mH16gh4PWRfj5rn9Me/MT6XSfNrvg9agCy6XM95iX/UpP59yV6zT3Sxll3aJ7b9Htd+u+X+mum/X9H9mlFwlddUWaSUYE1xlFIoV2Sh57ieZPsxm2adEtWvqU2vPnqPprkjUytVHLgqrMphL8mzO4NHtiLPzvdvo/of8SUnmC067INwqqmRm3vJV5luWuN3bvv+qC0WnPNcv0L7dp3ba0T+Su9wrYclkZJTR3btpj30bnBY8KjgpbRwU5hY9Skca2WTU1Pe2woKVT4fOPPmSdPvu5dKpm8N3ckj5NuVo36PabtOIN5+z4nPWE0Sn82VPT+T63WLfcrXWbXYO2Q6YbvOuH3h4DF3ypxIfwqlcbW11eearvVWp3R6tRe4ycQLpqfVdNxyERqWVUOmmE7oJq6VdFt3VYo6rbCnB4Cj5mnF0g7ub/xU8HF6NxtDOtnnrf1ISYMSE4WAW+qYm0nF4mlU5ys91TXBr/uTJMjrom/cNX9IOfeMV5bpFaRujTn9PIjDvWKafYxQm79OPbdOF0NfZUr0bn+0p1FYhho5wywLrK+k3q10udCGa6ZYVZwjRa7Xt18KAOmuXFB5zFV+bLuKmjX6OmDPfcqZ/EyfrWV3TnT9Lvwu7ekq4pE8ZsU3jNl0u8HlptIu160xowWYVzT0bO1HyzQqnZu7LmEZm/3mfo+i9k2SRTPyMz5kgdqxdJZueoid5pkZ8NL3oX972gdWM1oId2/1lmnnV1ym40Fxt05ddLDBSKpF/NpWqpunlvdAdbxpks/oGkOk27QqNe0AJXkZyou7TkTj0+WjM/qcEDim6x5WYU+K+gPndo1ctejI3veFsIBKbQZ5yG/d6zxPqdEbwILTBi2rOK1uEnUlAQP0T5jrI1ttU+jpM+mT2lUm7mtRDHlKFhnOa0aKm7OYQ5fXKhXhihC87R8b20e7teeEZbbTM3uzZ/OWOYnip/JApvkqo/zZk18HuMfVu0ZEEqh/T/8+drWvGPYFShNjXqVWp4R4u6PdaIQLr+sl01HYdEopbR6KSRuuupZXZVdNMzDICKKq5xSDqa+bxuwUmpBp0+0PsKb+KMwsHSiWW5/On2LN/UidlL0WkUGnBc7sVf+p3+QF08Lvdq8fP64bpuTtp+2P2GfveCbpyZjjTmQjWt8hYXmaHSY0u8S/O/G+rLBumEXJf/emiPAvP3OeFzT+tU71JIjfNb/MFrbjh9/PQ8L3O/HK4bv6vnntSKlWkzwITrN0TnTdeEUQFR8r0iSURm8/78pCVjA1zZQwuXp6/tezftTrkSw7Pu+quXavVyjf+ERg5Wr6NlXsMym9LmHG0btNRfU5HMGyUkNPlizZxYlUWXmeMxgbJlhshzV0u11b6Xb1Iu1oq8jAdN1PdO0eKfqsUO1HZv1GJXncZfqTnhNMHJyuZVSJ/NVmCbrFGaJ3S2R53Gn6pNax2T728zGmB2oKJnVbSOkoJkZlxu/ZarsVvW29yG6OwTrbuc37LEKSfhdNjxl6rnsVrc7Pnse0PLrAnqBxpVeG/fahXe5mF6jH84Rb9bqk1Wk+0VZ0bjry/XkAbfo4CjUrWpXa9SuztatO2xdgQKVJVqPQ6JRC0j0Ekjf9dTy0KV0q38y783dyvxalbYBvWWO2pM6IKiu/qc+xmt/5l2JzXuE2ELU3eME9L01ycUedjdU7Nma2+vrI+RpTI45Qxn3GCOyRdlTRWnrpb8b75JNG+7Fqc+3TpQX85ZBFKvq2/QT+/x9lP3Uhuhk4sUtXCWA4wd5WZ0qKNwoCJX6nTZF/WDhc4jgPETNaAha5Mis7qm7c9at077+hUeN9Q7g13z197m7i3Qw/nIWqLcZxkVJ2Kycx8Q9R5UsKaGTdfVx2jBMpmvwk2aqqnZX85KsTE97LUD9LMl1oxp05pmrbHc5n07d19w83gk8Bh2hiZM0pjhkQ39A3MJ61kxVZNBvWN4r3f35tr3jrMKomSV1vXV5d/Quke1pDmrgKPLeTZVUp//9IJNvFGfGGrdBX7PuEg9z9WY4vO1BeI63lW0jpKCFMk2zKWyNHa9fWZy/syCzaR4prUWJ5X7mJn6zll6qlkvmz7HN/MSahqoYafp42eWesW8GoXPkL/PcF35DbXvUctabdqm9oOqP04jx2tsSEWqVG1q16vU7o4WbXusHYGM6s121nIc4uUUhVpWq5OmKF1PLbNropue/cVHH33UTYt+mItt9nNI1qlP39Jji8Nc0Iqy39WqQ3Xq37+gdK1v6m0TRmoaomEVTcs55WrXsvu1f7A+P71gRhUVv9tE6mjXznY1FdhzqVwxtmxQy2va9I7aP/CinnCm/mp68LDJrI9qf1973ne+yaWj1VTdIq78oiZb9P2FjveE+Zp9muPo5CPZrrY2mZF9H/OYKPSRbNUSs/jNTKCa92eu15iM9W+l0yilz8k27WlXfd+sfWBKJ9v5IUoJYkoUSf2W1tg9+v4t7l5qQ/Sda4I1uTSeEOKUTqScEB1JGSs7+Gt35aTT7cLWulepGEjgHa0W7bGTCRzZ45CKqzsnYidXSk7uXfgUA6ALVw5Fg0D3JdC+QT9Y5BR/1vUBz6m6uFzGcujZUOlws4vLFlHxOqd+W5/VXcucEl/wNU2reKIhIpFJBgIQgMARRIBdgI6gykQUCHQdAvUnaFSj8zLxyIieb3SmaA2M/kvh7pz6fdVdNGU2/2H0X6pCuA4BCECgLAI8ASgLF4EhAAEIQKCzCLTvVMt2jThdDSVf4+isIpEPBCAAgSOCAAbAEVGNCAEBCEAAAhCAAAQgAIFwBFgCFI4ToSAAAQhAAAIQgAAEIHBEEMAAOCKqESEgAAEIQAACEIAABCAQjgAGQDhOhIIABCAAAQhAAAIQgMARQQAD4IioRoSAAAQgAAEIQAACEIBAOAIYAOE4EQoCEIAABCAAAQhAAAJHBAEMgCOiGhECAhCAAAQgAAEIQAAC4QhgAITjRCgIQAACEIAABCAAAQgcEQQwAI6IakQICEAAAhCAAAQgAAEIhCOAARCOE6EgAAEIQAACEIAABCBwRBDAADgiqhEhIAABCEAAAhCAAAQgEI4ABkA4ToSCAAQgAAEIQAACEIDAEUEAA+CIqEaEgAAEIAABCEAAAhCAQDgCGADhOBEKAhCAAAQgAAEIQAACRwQBDIAjohoRAgIQgAAEIAABCEAAAuEI9AgXjFAQgAAEShLo0N49OtDhhKvvq4ZERoQOtR+Qeqg+0zPjelXOIvnadDuSUkJ19vSw/RoOHVFASGp1s17eqIMJXXCpxvSPQqCklv9cq/Y6SX3l79UUElb5sbpKXVTErIaFT6mx1LOnGhoi1tW9O9XRU40NaZmNj+rVpz7tgwsCEIgTAQyAONU2skKgRgQ6duqhh7R6Y1byF35NU06U2rX0J1qzw7vUNE3XzswKVs1JsXwz0l33oJaslBp13d+rMeS4NiN6hM6lP9SaNvUbrXmXqqnU2KvgWDOpe27SVlusxffre9dUPV5s08LbtMmYSe6xu11NGYNFm1Xeb7mxOvT0fXpsrQZfpK9OzUstz2PXNn3QQwObjO1WxmG0YsVL0tHq30d1PdRxSIc6dOhDfXjQ+b9/vz5s13vtGnuRJhj9zD52bdAjz6p+pC6eGpBpLRSpfY82v661r2j9G1lFGTxaEyfrjFHV1mxHqxb8L7W6NTt5vmadpr0b9H/u027XZ84NGh+J9ZhVdk4gAIGuTwADoOvXESWEQNcm0NaiWxcGFPHdDxzP5I706N+ctr6ovTPVJyB4rlfHNv37nc60fd+BOnuWJpycG6B4vn7o5XdrxRb3bJfuuEffuSZgYOcHTjl2bdbL69T7eKmXJp+Wvvjao1rU7JwmGtQ7ofpeOuoo588cB9t1MKmDB53/ZmSVPKCk+Rmob11nplnt0aH3zGMQafdG3fVvmnujxva1l/J+l92m1bsc39Pn6rIzsy8ndM55rkmT8t6i37ycFyY7Rsmz9rfTo/9+kzQqzOjfGHdlxerQ0v+hNa5Qf95WskSO6Xj3nQ5Mc0yep1njQkQx5LfpFhureIQmty4yw7z6oBYbQ9Ecb6hhsGYMz7yoCBXJSzeppXdntY7M/LZulPlbmtCF/7+9ewG+q6DvBP7bBv5oIAIJGF4GCYTyEDcgFFRQoAFlkVpULFPR0lXXrrUyYp19uTOdzux21Kqj07rLWHdYxS4tVnTUYgWVLlhhocgKRBoQFuSVlhAgGDWQ6Z77OP/3/f/v/ZP4jeRzh8m999xzzvfcz70J53vuefxmnXz45FdGe3zPDf21/2ayW+7qFICbr+mv/TdDHp+BMNrcjU2AwC+qgALwi/rJWW4CO4RAs33xk5f2l2RsRb3+zDqoXald0n0wtrLOX1OXX9Mu7aa6/cHuLwPtgEH3mzd0V/621Pr76//8cHoBmDe3P9vNdUdv7b/3/P76xBfqA28alNkd3qx3XtJf76wl9dKjJtbg7/z7/oRbNtVjzXp8d112jnmNHTAxbWe0n9UTvfXZ7jT3/tPgArC1nmzHvOO62nLs9NLykrNr9+fXpa3qHVfUDQfUScvnWJZ5Xlr84mqmXt8d67H7qtmNa5hfSkaaausD/bX/JmTLbXX/G2vF3Bv2N00s8w1frFe/dCrmxItTHn3z8vazmzK4/6RpbnvvXXvuWQceUadMXb/fck+79t8d9+D9pk6/Tb9I/Vk/U2vbX8Z6Q1avqROPrnqibryubu39ILClrr60fnBqvXOhv5vdeXf7RsbqHWd1Hh/YdOle7rJ62YzfQNqx3RMg8NwWUACe25+vd0dgOwv89WX99a2xI+rfv232tcYjT68Lf1KX9ratVn331qEKwAPrJhb9rJMmHvceDZPbGXNxveeD9YOb68tf7y/nU7fUp184z/4nezQr972YvZvDFiZu+zdrS93dnMbGOnNrVl87m/nb2x7LavfmB4Gxzm8CixfX0hfXq17evjbzfqxecejMoe2QRbV096ruGvDSQ6ev/fdGOqRRrYkOcNUnavkH65CJnxvaWQ15v7gOX9HpWp1bs6tM993NP+koUy06uFYv6ewB1bt99fp69+lzJaz/h4lV+dN+e6i1/2Z2e+9bNV7Mms3nr68Dl9YLXlDP3712G/4gkGW13zTJbfpF6r/txfW+D9TffK7/I8Aer6xzeyDL69zD67R76tN/Vk91R33g2vr83vWWE+bimv21TXVnq7H6zbW827juXNsf9+gzmobrRoDAzikw+X9uO6eAd02AwEIFmo2mvd1Umhm89fzZ1/578z7kjDroO/3d1p/6Tj10Rh0w99bfrXXj7f3FWr5m+nrt8LnNLBYtrpe8qo48tLNDUW91/YGv11f2qnMG7VKyuFYu62/dX7pyysr38W+rY7fWoknbxu/6cl12Y3c5l9TvvH+E1ak9jp3naIQjDq0buptpJ1WMPsj4XacDPFOXXtsfcOl/q98fZRnG59N7cOiL+vtKTf/hYtp4U5+ONNW576y7P9ZfqV1/Td1+7ODfQKqu+VY/qfkCnDpjB7CpSzHx7ITX1Dfv7H/Qe5xQJ0/be2pixOmPmp+qzji0rm53xJ/0IffH3IZfpPHs5lj51YfOvhfQXivrAxfXR1qudVfWXUfUqhFX2Jt9tHoVojkA5jW9ndkerbW9DjZWZw76KzC+fB4QIPCcFfil5+w788YIENjeAut6675Ve5w43+4cY/WGcyYW5/qphwtPvNA+2nDLxC7pv35yO7S9HyG3nWRRs2F40u3my+v6wbuhP3/X/qgrXzxpmu7DyWv/zYClB7QjDLN1udle3u5YctiqdsL57vddOtcYh5xZb1/TjrCh/viznb13FnZb3K5c7vGCEWYw2lT71O9eMDHzKz7X7Oc/++3x79W6XvUZq9+Y84eCadMvWl7HLZs2bNinK140/5jb6os0nrT3+FdofND4g33qd84ff1J//d2Jx0M+uu+u/oirz+r/hLJ+bb8dHX72UIfiDBlkNAIEftEEFIBftE/M8hLYUQS21s3/0F+WE1bPv1DLXj5xaOkdfzexd8esU37zmv7gw8+b8VvBiLn9GY3VS6euF179p3X7xlnD69BD+8P333P2EcaHLmnnucdhw+6j0pt2/3bC8VkNerBsvjFXnF4ntb2i2UPpkm8MmtM8w/c+qD9Cb8V7nrHbl0edavFRkxrLI/WXA1Zqv/H1fkCz48p8AO2itPcvGvrngnaK/v1+L+4/mOs3kG39RWoOJZ/jtuSldUr74TbHjo/00TSz7e/t05wrtrf5v+q2W7tpY/Xa4+aI9RIBAs95AQXgOf8Re4MEtpPAoxMb6Q+eun19UODZr21fub9u6R1w2g6YfL+pOSXipu6AZfVrM3fhGD23M6/N9aMNnfulK6rZxb93u+ITdf+gTdDdMfZsN4q3U8y4f6Y/ZGzE3SmHOslmd977zldCmrHaXyw6E6y/tv7ypu6Uo/7RvpfRpht9qqaxNDvb9G73fmWWGrbhpvYLsF+d3a65Dr9UzeHRz/I2128g2/yLNN835/hT2nfzSD06UgPYWHd3/x4ddHq7sX9jfa+7X9khZ8+zB1ob6Z4AgeeqgALwXP1kvS8C21lgyxNtwLL5T2nfG3WvYzuHgfZu37yunXzG/VVf6w865U2z7FW/gNze7J7u3h19Vl38jjZyS33mE7Vh0E4zY/WC3dox57sfacWsmVlzZvohb5Mv3jTrJM0REdf1TurSvnzHlXXNuvbJDnl/8lur/b2hpu8ItLW+0n4BznjjlGMwhnwro1eS6TOe+9Pctl+ksf1qzp28aq8XT1TWH49y1s7ND/cPAFhzfP8NPn53f8g5Nv9P/8w9J7CzCSgAO9sn7v0S2EYCj/y/dka7dk6GM/Hf5tqytbYOWMFdc3Z/qi231F2zbX1vdv7ub/4/otbMti/HwnLbZa2f/KwWrazfv6AdsKk++ae90+20Q8bvl9aSReNP5nkw957680w8x8tLaul8JeR/f7U//fkX1fHt7iLXXVo3DP6NZY7An9NLY/Vb4zXskfr8pB2BHvrb/i9LY8cMdbaomQu87wH9YXMfZz5zwpGaw3b6Is1cqtptIS2omc8ue9ZJJ9ZpF0wcQz/2wjr6iDrtQpv/Z2E2iMBOJjDfj487GYe3S4DAsAJbuxtCm3Ws5lJfH/+DGVMtq3/3/ll2i2/2aT76a/1V/KtvrlXTLge7tb725f6szjtnxjy7AxaWO21eS46q951fH7+8O/iR+uPP1H96+4zVrN6W3mlTDni6fLhz8D8z9Dzv+1E3afd5Ssjmtf3N/82pco5cXkf+bj3TXmyrOTHonh+oI/cesMTpwc1Zdy54ZV32nc5yPPCVunVV95K0m+tL1/SX7A2vW+AiNtfW7d22PNMpor0u+swztWVzPflkPflE/fSntcsBtXpGvdxtzt3xZ12abf5FmjVlYQPHDqyzDpwy6eKD681vmzLEEwIEdlYBBWBn/eS9bwLbRGDQzhIntWcdmZly5ppq9lFpbuu/XutfWcsnbWV/6Dv9c78sPXWuE0Q20y4gd9qS7PXSeu/P6pPdJWmu/NpcIOziN7VnMu3tU7/7lIsATJt82tNm/XKY2yEHT5w4de7xf9J9h3sMuAjA+LRf7fWlsXrjq7vDFtW5v1dPf7RfsS7/SF34bC4OMB6zfR6sOruOv7MPcuWf11HvrQe/3b8Y2fJT68h2b7FRw3/cO4Ck6qkb6w/bE1VNn8l+nbhpPxH87MfTxxrm+bb9Is2SuLk9lWezUX/SX5ZZxjSIAAECwwooAMNKGY8AgdkFmgsAv7p7pOYuu9Yuu9Tzdq+l+9cBgzc873VcHf61/or+Nd+vtxzbzrbZ+tue++X8X20HDr4fKXfrxvbaXpNmuOyEetdP6pJuaHOBsD/ZtS56fefl9d1d6pe+aPoK4qRJF/hw/PjUefrClnqguwwHvHCuoIe+1V/R71zjaXzVcKze/P76/EdrXXc9+NIP17v+44wzKc0115/ra+f8Vn3/Y90690h97Vv1cPcHgWYJ3jjEF2DQgj748KBXJoYffsIsH+4w/z/8+X+RNj/W1t396sDFE2/BIwIECDwLgWH+wXsWszcpAQLPeYEtu9bJ0/bkmfs9L6o1p9e67mp38+emY/tH+v7g6v7W39XnT1qdHTyrkXIHbdw94FV14U/719J67Mb61PPr3WfWxn/qpA76kWHyEg254X98kkXt+XrufnjOLdwb+xdNO3COArCxPt/bW2a/WvPL4wmdB1vH6i3vqY/8UXfL8Za65KP1rvfvqB1gn3rrmvpM943c2ns7VUefN9QXYMp7nvRk5eH17fs7z5vja486uPZ9Ye21Z72g+W9xjTXXA1405VJuk6Yb6uF2+iLNkd2U6v5t+Cs0t1O4J0CAwACB8X9ZBrxuMAECBOYReLxzOaeRNk0uP76WN/v/NPPdVNeurXOaHxAerS/29tZYUWcPeYHSUXLH/6l70YxTrjTX0jrvybrils67XH9tfb65G2bdvzN6PXhv927oP8bPNP/Ihrmm2dBdf23GmOP8qtd/sd0zpDmG4T/PNbcGuekAb7+oVgz3IU3bMWbOWU+8uLCpmumbs4IefWN75HfzfFm9bvxHoYnZj/BoHPm419VZK0eYcJhRt/0XaVP7OQ6If/Du/gujXmtiwPwMJkCAQCPwSxQIECDw7ASaUwCNOoPFddqJ/Wlu7m73vf7L/Zmc+6ZZ9s2YffYLyK3afbaV4Je8aeLM9Ouu7e88M3vo1KHNXk8j3Ra1h5k+sHauS/Z+r3dWnMG7fDSXSrj6h6Mkb6rPfLjubXeOn3vK5tjZBdwWNlUv6FfXTAQ2536d7SOaGGH+R+3yj/r7zPxznjTGtvoibX5izr8+W+tv/66fOvzVoyctpocECBCYVWB8a8asrxpIgACBAQLLV1V9p/vaprr5nloz4qbWI0+q6m3yf6Su/ELd2l2d3ePE7qlgBiT2Bi8wd/zfugHnJz357bXxo1OO0B1mk3bvaIFmwcZnP+ey16J9qzldUOenjx/WtwegjZ/X/5CXD+hCm+tzvfMXVR10Yq1ZXbvtUrvtNiD5x/UXl3QTt9Slf1TnXVwv2WfAmO3gg1e0j0a5X9hUvYTxCyrXijptxsl5RlmK7T/u+Ce9jb5I4/ObddE33TFxub2XHTbrKAYSIEBgAQJ+AVgAmkkIEGj2+Vk6sXp63fWjiyyvU9oVzVu7u980s3jd6fPPZ2G5jz4w/5zP+b2Jq1M1Yw/zs0bvaIFm5E0/nX/+nTHG6qj2XV/3Z3XV92dMtbn+52e7A8dq0NWabvhC/2CJ5lxJ73x9NWcWOuDAWrbPgP8OrndfPHGpqSs+VjfcNyO0N6BdFV3S/kwxYLypgxc21dR5bOxUos5t9SvaEzH1nu94f26nL1LzRmcpnFvqr77YJ2hOi7RiljH6r66/rx56dMfDskQECOy4AgrAjvvZWDICO7bAPnXifu0S3llfWds+Hvr+xFdMGXXsuDmPix0fd0G5T2wcn37wg7E677yJV5+6s3Nsw9y3dmeTuuPqenzuUdtXf2XSAdM3XF4f+e91+33d3YG21vp19akP1wPd5nHab89+taYNN9VVd3bnNVbDnCupM+o+9Z6LJtYvr7qkrprtw9rUHpaw64AfE5rF+8r/quvvad9J935hU02ZRdVtN/UHnHjEtFd2uKfb6YvUvM9phbM53dCl/7Xd/D9WvzH4tEg3fLY+dUld8rHOqWynzWSH47NABAjsKALtxpsdZXksBwECvzgCr3pdNZuxe7ebL6s6t845YYSlX3JEZ4v7A+0Urxx62pFzt9aN3+vH3PlwrRp8gvnmnO6HfLm/1rX0mPl3Rj/ssHavoQ318Y/WGafXst1q92V14PKBW7IXH1UXnFqXXdtfnqfurysuaQna+1MuqFNn2xNmy33thQuajeVvGOFUOYuW1/veUR9qP6wbLqt1h9a/ekOtGj9b65b6iys78c1W5uuaXYaOqM2P19NP19PNgRY/66xWNld67t2WLquTV/YfNy8sZKp26v79g/1rmTU7gB0weCP3tIm2x9PxOjdw5tvhi7T27/tpT91Ut7+k9t2lHvvHuvu2urlX85oXl9SF75m9DTYvNqeC7RfCqsduqR++ZrgWPfAdeoEAgZ1EQAHYST5ob5PAdhDoXMx10rrszVdWc0Tv6pfVqoNq9+dVc8DrirmvjztWJx9Xl/f2/xmrY5o2MNxt1Nzm+mL3tuuv8yQsqtW/XPfeVnscU//2zHnGbV4+8oxafmN/h5zaUFdf0Z/kgg/WqsGHsq46s953WH3pyrq33eg+ntRc3OCtb6kVAyrKn49Xhf2GPldSO+vFK+u95070h8d+WF+6qT4w/h4X1eJm5bs9rnrd+NpnO/n4/b88evxhNS1nIVNNmkHz8Kq/6j8/4fipLzzrZ88f8X9wu+3Z6T/NN6X5c9bbNv8ibVpbV97WRm2ZUQXH6qSz68wTBpbJZsrxq5515jJWSwd/69oY9wQIEGgERvz3kRkBAgQmCzTrsu/etz57RXsqw01167V1azvG+f9hnu2Rh59SY7d0Vrlq5cBtnO3MptyPlPt/2z1MmlNMvuzFU+Yz88kxr63dXlFHzrYBfubIzW8E77q4/sen64HJJ9g5tA6ebz1sr5V14ftr88Zad1vd+2BtfroW71mrVtdL5sw97JhOOWluJ7124ErqLAvZDmoufHb+Q3V579jr/epfT96rZFG9+TfrQ5d2ViJXn1D7LqnJJzh65una9I91++311NL6lQPb2TX3C5tqfAZbqymNN3QvedZs537Z5DmPj/NzfLBoSUe1+TauaA5wn+22zb9Iza8rs94OOaaOP7GOXDnXqn9vwlVn1Tm71N98p7Ysqwv/zQg/Cs2aayABAjuNwL/453/+553mzXqjBAhsN4H719a6u+reh2vzj/sZ+x9bv376EOupW2rDxmrWvfaab6V51mUfJnfLptq4uRbvXUsGbdqdddajDFx/T/1ofTX7kCxfUYekV2TnXvANzXIuqn32mX/lcu75PMtXt95Xfzj+g0bVIefUhS9/lrPsT75lXf2XSzuPj7+ge4mJzsNhb7d/o777SP1acym62b4q2+mL1OxetfnJ2vhk5yJl9bxaPnj/sWHfhvEIECAwj4ACMA+QlwkQIEBgOwhsrE98pB5rZ/yuP9hmBwBsXlsfuqwz37MuqpPm3gmtTXdPgACBnUzAWYB2sg/c2yVAgMAOIbB3XfTBOumIGmt2Ojpvm639N29t8f51+LLOsbOr5rviwQ7hYCEIECAQEPALQABdJAECBAgQIECAAIGUgF8AUvJyCRAgQIAAAQIECAQEFIAAukgCBAgQIECAAAECKQEFICUvlwABAgQIECBAgEBAQAEIoIskQIAAAQIECBAgkBJQAFLycgkQIECAAAECBAgEBBSAALpIAgQIECBAgAABAikBBSAlL5cAAQIECBAgQIBAQEABCKCLJECAAAECBAgQIJASUABS8nIJECBAgAABAgQIBAQUgAC6SAIECBAgQIAAAQIpAQUgJS+XAAECBAgQIECAQEBAAQigiyRAgAABAgQIECCQElAAUvJyCRAgQIAAAQIECAQEFIAAukgCBAgQIECAAAECKQEFICUvlwABAgQIECBAgEBAQAEIoIskQIAAAQIECBAgkBJQAFLycgkQIECAAAECBAgEBBSAALpIAgQIECBAgAABAikBBSAlL5cAAQIECBAgQIBAQEABCKCLJECAAAECBAgQIJASUABS8nIJECBAgAABAgQIBAQUgAC6SAIECBAgQIAAAQIpAQUgJS+XAAECBAgQIECAQEBAAQigiyRAgAABAgQIECCQElAAUvJyCRAgQIAAAQIECAQEFIAAukgCBAgQIECAAAECKQEFICUvlwABAgQIECBAgEBAQAEIoIskQIAAAQIECBAgkBJQAFLycgkQIECAAAECBAgEBBSAALpIAgQIECBAgAABAikBBSAlL5cAAQIECBAgQIBAQEABCKCLJECAAAECBAgQIJASUABS8nIJECBAgAABAgQIBAQUgAC6SAIECBAgQIAAAQIpAQUgJS+XAAECBAgQIECAQEBAAQigiyRAgAABAgQIECCQElAAUvJyCRAgQIAAAQIECAQEFIAAukgCBAgQIECAAAECKQEFICUvlwABAgQIECBAgEBAQAEIoIskQIAAAQIECBAgkBJQAFLycgkQIECAAAECBAgEBBSAALpIAgQIECBAgAABAikBBSAlL5cAAQIECBAgQIBAQEABCKCLJECAAAECBAgQIJASUABS8nIJECBAgAABAgQIBAQUgAC6SAIECBAgQIAAAQIpAQUgJS+XAAECBAgQIECAQEBAAQigiyRAgAABAgQIECCQElAAUvJyCRAgQIAAAQIECAQEFIAAukgCBAgQIECAAAECKQEFICUvlwABAgQIECBAgEBAQAEIoIskQIAAAQIECBAgkBJQAFLycgkQIECAAAECBAgEBBSAALpIAgQIECBAgAABAikBBSAlL5cAAQIECBAgQIBAQEABCKCLJECAAAECBAgQIJASUABS8nIJECBAgAABAgQIBAQUgAC6SAIECBAgQIAAAQIpAQUgJS+XAAECBAgQIECAQEBAAQigiyRAgAABAgQIECCQElAAUvJyCRAgQIAAAQIECAQEFIAAukgCBAgQIECAAAECKQEFICUvlwABAgQIECBAgEBAQAEIoIskQIAAAQIECBAgkBJQAFLycgkQIECAAAECBAgEBBSAALpIAgQIECBAgAABAikBBSAlL5cAAQIECBAgQIBAQEABCKCLJECAAAECBAgQIJASUABS8nIJECBAgAABAgQIBAQUgAC6SAIECBAgQIAAAQIpAQUgJS+XAAECBAgQIECAQEBAAQigiyRAgAABAgQIECCQElAAUvJyCRAgQIAAAQIECAQEFIAAukgCBAgQIECAAAECKQEFICUvlwABAgQIECBAgEBAQAEIoIskQIAAAQIECBAgkBJQAFLycgkQIECAAAECBAgEBBSAALpIAgQIECBAgAABAikBBSAlL5cAAQIECBAgQIBAQEABCKCLJECAAAECBAgQIJASUABS8nIJECBAgAABAgQIBAQUgAC6SAIECBAgQIAAAQIpAQUgJS+XAAECBAgQIECAQEBAAQigiyRAgAABAgQIECCQElAAUvJyCRAgQIAAAQIECAQEFIAAukgCBAgQIECAAAECKQEFICUvlwABAgQIECBAgEBAQAEIoIskQIBxTC5KAAAUJklEQVQAAQIECBAgkBJQAFLycgkQIECAAAECBAgEBBSAALpIAgQIECBAgAABAikBBSAlL5cAAQIECBAgQIBAQEABCKCLJECAAAECBAgQIJASUABS8nIJECBAgAABAgQIBAQUgAC6SAIECBAgQIAAAQIpAQUgJS+XAAECBAgQIECAQEBAAQigiyRAgAABAgQIECCQElAAUvJyCRAgQIAAAQIECAQEFIAAukgCBAgQIECAAAECKQEFICUvlwABAgQIECBAgEBAQAEIoIskQIAAAQIECBAgkBJQAFLycgkQIECAAAECBAgEBBSAALpIAgQIECBAgAABAikBBSAlL5cAAQIECBAgQIBAQEABCKCLJECAAAECBAgQIJASUABS8nIJECBAgAABAgQIBAQUgAC6SAIECBAgQIAAAQIpAQUgJS+XAAECBAgQIECAQEBAAQigiyRAgAABAgQIECCQElAAUvJyCRAgQIAAAQIECAQEFIAAukgCBAgQIECAAAECKQEFICUvlwABAgQIECBAgEBAQAEIoIskQIAAAQIECBAgkBJQAFLycgkQIECAAAECBAgEBBSAALpIAgQIECBAgAABAikBBSAlL5cAAQIECBAgQIBAQEABCKCLJECAAAECBAgQIJASUABS8nIJECBAgAABAgQIBAQUgAC6SAIECBAgQIAAAQIpAQUgJS+XAAECBAgQIECAQEBAAQigiyRAgAABAgQIECCQElAAUvJyCRAgQIAAAQIECAQEFIAAukgCBAgQIECAAAECKQEFICUvlwABAgQIECBAgEBAQAEIoIskQIAAAQIECBAgkBJQAFLycgkQIECAAAECBAgEBBSAALpIAgQIECBAgAABAikBBSAlL5cAAQIECBAgQIBAQEABCKCLJECAAAECBAgQIJASUABS8nIJECBAgAABAgQIBAQUgAC6SAIECBAgQIAAAQIpAQUgJS+XAAECBAgQIECAQEBAAQigiyRAgAABAgQIECCQElAAUvJyCRAgQIAAAQIECAQEFIAAukgCBAgQIECAAAECKQEFICUvlwABAgQIECBAgEBAQAEIoIskQIAAAQIECBAgkBJQAFLycgkQIECAAAECBAgEBBSAALpIAgQIECBAgAABAikBBSAlL5cAAQIECBAgQIBAQEABCKCLJECAAAECBAgQIJASUABS8nIJECBAgAABAgQIBAQUgAC6SAIECBAgQIAAAQIpAQUgJS+XAAECBAgQIECAQEBAAQigiyRAgAABAgQIECCQElAAUvJyCRAgQIAAAQIECAQEFIAAukgCBAgQIECAAAECKQEFICUvlwABAgQIECBAgEBAQAEIoIskQIAAAQIECBAgkBJQAFLycgkQIECAAAECBAgEBBSAALpIAgQIECBAgAABAikBBSAlL5cAAQIECBAgQIBAQEABCKCLJECAAAECBAgQIJASUABS8nIJECBAgAABAgQIBAQUgAC6SAIECBAgQIAAAQIpAQUgJS+XAAECBAgQIECAQEBAAQigiyRAgAABAgQIECCQElAAUvJyCRAgQIAAAQIECAQEFIAAukgCBAgQIECAAAECKQEFICUvlwABAgQIECBAgEBAQAEIoIskQIAAAQIECBAgkBJQAFLycgkQIECAAAECBAgEBBSAALpIAgQIECBAgAABAikBBSAlL5cAAQIECBAgQIBAQEABCKCLJECAAAECBAgQIJASUABS8nIJECBAgAABAgQIBAQUgAC6SAIECBAgQIAAAQIpAQUgJS+XAAECBAgQIECAQEBAAQigiyRAgAABAgQIECCQElAAUvJyCRAgQIAAAQIECAQEFIAAukgCBAgQIECAAAECKQEFICUvlwABAgQIECBAgEBAQAEIoIskQIAAAQIECBAgkBJQAFLycgkQIECAAAECBAgEBBSAALpIAgQIECBAgAABAikBBSAlL5cAAQIECBAgQIBAQEABCKCLJECAAAECBAgQIJASUABS8nIJECBAgAABAgQIBAQUgAC6SAIECBAgQIAAAQIpAQUgJS+XAAECBAgQIECAQEBAAQigiyRAgAABAgQIECCQElAAUvJyCRAgQIAAAQIECAQEFIAAukgCBAgQIECAAAECKQEFICUvlwABAgQIECBAgEBAQAEIoIskQIAAAQIECBAgkBJQAFLycgkQIECAAAECBAgEBBSAALpIAgQIECBAgAABAikBBSAlL5cAAQIECBAgQIBAQEABCKCLJECAAAECBAgQIJASUABS8nIJECBAgAABAgQIBAQUgAC6SAIECBAgQIAAAQIpAQUgJS+XAAECBAgQIECAQEBAAQigiyRAgAABAgQIECCQElAAUvJyCRAgQIAAAQIECAQEFIAAukgCBAgQIECAAAECKQEFICUvlwABAgQIECBAgEBAQAEIoIskQIAAAQIECBAgkBJQAFLycgkQIECAAAECBAgEBBSAALpIAgQIECBAgAABAikBBSAlL5cAAQIECBAgQIBAQEABCKCLJECAAAECBAgQIJASUABS8nIJECBAgAABAgQIBAQUgAC6SAIECBAgQIAAAQIpAQUgJS+XAAECBAgQIECAQEBAAQigiyRAgAABAgQIECCQElAAUvJyCRAgQIAAAQIECAQEFIAAukgCBAgQIECAAAECKQEFICUvlwABAgQIECBAgEBAQAEIoIskQIAAAQIECBAgkBJQAFLycgkQIECAAAECBAgEBBSAALpIAgQIECBAgAABAikBBSAlL5cAAQIECBAgQIBAQEABCKCLJECAAAECBAgQIJASUABS8nIJECBAgAABAgQIBAQUgAC6SAIECBAgQIAAAQIpAQUgJS+XAAECBAgQIECAQEBAAQigiyRAgAABAgQIECCQElAAUvJyCRAgQIAAAQIECAQEFIAAukgCBAgQIECAAAECKQEFICUvlwABAgQIECBAgEBAQAEIoIskQIAAAQIECBAgkBJQAFLycgkQIECAAAECBAgEBBSAALpIAgQIECBAgAABAikBBSAlL5cAAQIECBAgQIBAQEABCKCLJECAAAECBAgQIJASUABS8nIJECBAgAABAgQIBAQUgAC6SAIECBAgQIAAAQIpAQUgJS+XAAECBAgQIECAQEBAAQigiyRAgAABAgQIECCQElAAUvJyCRAgQIAAAQIECAQEFIAAukgCBAgQIECAAAECKQEFICUvlwABAgQIECBAgEBAQAEIoIskQIAAAQIECBAgkBJQAFLycgkQIECAAAECBAgEBBSAALpIAgQIECBAgAABAikBBSAlL5cAAQIECBAgQIBAQEABCKCLJECAAAECBAgQIJASUABS8nIJECBAgAABAgQIBAQUgAC6SAIECBAgQIAAAQIpAQUgJS+XAAECBAgQIECAQEBAAQigiyRAgAABAgQIECCQElAAUvJyCRAgQIAAAQIECAQEFIAAukgCBAgQIECAAAECKQEFICUvlwABAgQIECBAgEBAQAEIoIskQIAAAQIECBAgkBJQAFLycgkQIECAAAECBAgEBBSAALpIAgQIECBAgAABAikBBSAlL5cAAQIECBAgQIBAQEABCKCLJECAAAECBAgQIJASUABS8nIJECBAgAABAgQIBAQUgAC6SAIECBAgQIAAAQIpAQUgJS+XAAECBAgQIECAQEBAAQigiyRAgAABAgQIECCQElAAUvJyCRAgQIAAAQIECAQEFIAAukgCBAgQIECAAAECKQEFICUvlwABAgQIECBAgEBAQAEIoIskQIAAAQIECBAgkBJQAFLycgkQIECAAAECBAgEBBSAALpIAgQIECBAgAABAikBBSAlL5cAAQIECBAgQIBAQEABCKCLJECAAAECBAgQIJASUABS8nIJECBAgAABAgQIBAQUgAC6SAIECBAgQIAAAQIpAQUgJS+XAAECBAgQIECAQEBAAQigiyRAgAABAgQIECCQElAAUvJyCRAgQIAAAQIECAQEFIAAukgCBAgQIECAAAECKQEFICUvlwABAgQIECBAgEBAQAEIoIskQIAAAQIECBAgkBJQAFLycgkQIECAAAECBAgEBBSAALpIAgQIECBAgAABAikBBSAlL5cAAQIECBAgQIBAQEABCKCLJECAAAECBAgQIJASUABS8nIJECBAgAABAgQIBAQUgAC6SAIECBAgQIAAAQIpAQUgJS+XAAECBAgQIECAQEBAAQigiyRAgAABAgQIECCQElAAUvJyCRAgQIAAAQIECAQEFIAAukgCBAgQIECAAAECKQEFICUvlwABAgQIECBAgEBAQAEIoIskQIAAAQIECBAgkBJQAFLycgkQIECAAAECBAgEBBSAALpIAgQIECBAgAABAikBBSAlL5cAAQIECBAgQIBAQEABCKCLJECAAAECBAgQIJASUABS8nIJECBAgAABAgQIBAQUgAC6SAIECBAgQIAAAQIpAQUgJS+XAAECBAgQIECAQEBAAQigiyRAgAABAgQIECCQElAAUvJyCRAgQIAAAQIECAQEFIAAukgCBAgQIECAAAECKQEFICUvlwABAgQIECBAgEBAQAEIoIskQIAAAQIECBAgkBJQAFLycgkQIECAAAECBAgEBBSAALpIAgQIECBAgAABAikBBSAlL5cAAQIECBAgQIBAQEABCKCLJECAAAECBAgQIJASUABS8nIJECBAgAABAgQIBAQUgAC6SAIECBAgQIAAAQIpAQUgJS+XAAECBAgQIECAQEBAAQigiyRAgAABAgQIECCQElAAUvJyCRAgQIAAAQIECAQEFIAAukgCBAgQIECAAAECKQEFICUvlwABAgQIECBAgEBAQAEIoIskQIAAAQIECBAgkBJQAFLycgkQIECAAAECBAgEBBSAALpIAgQIECBAgAABAikBBSAlL5cAAQIECBAgQIBAQEABCKCLJECAAAECBAgQIJASUABS8nIJECBAgAABAgQIBAQUgAC6SAIECBAgQIAAAQIpAQUgJS+XAAECBAgQIECAQEBAAQigiyRAgAABAgQIECCQElAAUvJyCRAgQIAAAQIECAQEFIAAukgCBAgQIECAAAECKQEFICUvlwABAgQIECBAgEBAQAEIoIskQIAAAQIECBAgkBJQAFLycgkQIECAAAECBAgEBBSAALpIAgQIECBAgAABAikBBSAlL5cAAQIECBAgQIBAQEABCKCLJECAAAECBAgQIJASUABS8nIJECBAgAABAgQIBAQUgAC6SAIECBAgQIAAAQIpAQUgJS+XAAECBAgQIECAQEBAAQigiyRAgAABAgQIECCQElAAUvJyCRAgQIAAAQIECAQEFIAAukgCBAgQIECAAAECKQEFICUvlwABAgQIECBAgEBAQAEIoIskQIAAAQIECBAgkBJQAFLycgkQIECAAAECBAgEBBSAALpIAgQIECBAgAABAikBBSAlL5cAAQIECBAgQIBAQEABCKCLJECAAAECBAgQIJASUABS8nIJECBAgAABAgQIBAQUgAC6SAIECBAgQIAAAQIpAQUgJS+XAAECBAgQIECAQEBAAQigiyRAgAABAgQIECCQElAAUvJyCRAgQIAAAQIECAQEFIAAukgCBAgQIECAAAECKQEFICUvlwABAgQIECBAgEBAQAEIoIskQIAAAQIECBAgkBJQAFLycgkQIECAAAECBAgEBBSAALpIAgQIECBAgAABAikBBSAlL5cAAQIECBAgQIBAQEABCKCLJECAAAECBAgQIJASUABS8nIJECBAgAABAgQIBAQUgAC6SAIECBAgQIAAAQIpAQUgJS+XAAECBAgQIECAQEBAAQigiyRAgAABAgQIECCQElAAUvJyCRAgQIAAAQIECAQEFIAAukgCBAgQIECAAAECKQEFICUvlwABAgQIECBAgEBAQAEIoIskQIAAAQIECBAgkBJQAFLycgkQIECAAAECBAgEBBSAALpIAgQIECBAgAABAikBBSAlL5cAAQIECBAgQIBAQEABCKCLJECAAAECBAgQIJASUABS8nIJECBAgAABAgQIBAQUgAC6SAIECBAgQIAAAQIpAQUgJS+XAAECBAgQIECAQEBAAQigiyRAgAABAgQIECCQElAAUvJyCRAgQIAAAQIECAQEFIAAukgCBAgQIECAAAECKQEFICUvlwABAgQIECBAgEBAQAEIoIskQIAAAQIECBAgkBJQAFLycgkQIECAAAECBAgEBBSAALpIAgQIECBAgAABAikBBSAlL5cAAQIECBAgQIBAQEABCKCLJECAAAECBAgQIJASUABS8nIJECBAgAABAgQIBAQUgAC6SAIECBAgQIAAAQIpAQUgJS+XAAECBAgQIECAQEBAAQigiyRAgAABAgQIECCQElAAUvJyCRAgQIAAAQIECAQEFIAAukgCBAgQIECAAAECKQEFICUvlwABAgQIECBAgEBAQAEIoIskQIAAAQIECBAgkBJQAFLycgkQIECAAAECBAgEBBSAALpIAgQIECBAgAABAikBBSAlL5cAAQIECBAgQIBAQEABCKCLJECAAAECBAgQIJASUABS8nIJECBAgAABAgQIBAQUgAC6SAIECBAgQIAAAQIpAQUgJS+XAAECBAgQIECAQEBAAQigiyRAgAABAgQIECCQElAAUvJyCRAgQIAAAQIECAQEFIAAukgCBAgQIECAAAECKQEFICUvlwABAgQIECBAgEBAQAEIoIskQIAAAQIECBAgkBJQAFLycgkQIECAAAECBAgEBBSAALpIAgQIECBAgAABAikBBSAlL5cAAQIECBAgQIBAQEABCKCLJECAAAECBAgQIJASUABS8nIJECBAgAABAgQIBAQUgAC6SAIECBAgQIAAAQIpAQUgJS+XAAECBAgQIECAQEDg/wOCRToZYwx3JgAAAABJRU5ErkJgggA=" width="640" />Sounds simple right?....well it is and it isn't. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">When you picture a heart in the morning ... it may not be "The exact" heart you find later that day.... but just the action of intentionally looking for a heart will open up your awareness... and eyes, to seeing them. Setting a goal and intending on finding and working on it, will put you in the right frame of mind to eventually be able to see it and achieve it.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">My mind was focused on the goal of seeing "hearts" each day..... but it could be that you are looking for something else in your life. However, your eyes are closed to seeing it because you haven't yet primed them for looking for what you want. You may not have set your goal or intention to go out and actually find it and achieve it yet. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">It's somewhat reminiscent of a story in "The Luck Factor" by Professor <a href="https://richardwiseman.wordpress.com/books/the-luck-factor/" target="_blank">Richard Wiseman.</a></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">He tells of an experiment where a group of people are asked to watch a video on which they are asked to count how many times some people pass a basket ball to one another. At the end of the video he asks the viewers "Did you spot the gorilla?" no one did. When he played the video back to them they were surprised to see that there was a man in a gorilla suit who walked right in between the people passing the basket ball. No one had seen it because they were too busy and had been primed to look for the number of passes. They were blind to something that was right in front of their own eyes. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">So visualization primes us to see... first with our imagination and then with our eyes....It makes us adept at spotting potentially missed opportunities. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Why not put it to the test? Try the visualization challenge on something perhaps small and insignificant to start out with. Like seeing if you can spot a yellow car everyday (that's easy by the way) or maybe look for a boat (if you don't live near the sea) ... maybe a little harder right? Be as obscure as you can and see what happens.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">The key is to be open to whatever form it comes in... it may not be a "real" boat... it could be a toy, a picture, a photo, something on television, the word on a sign.... it will be there if you look for it. Give it a try and then report back to me how you got on <a href="https://www.facebook.com/Henibean-158755564312371/" target="_blank">(Here)</a></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">So yes... I guess I am a little obsessed....(but in a good way) .....</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I suppose it became most apparent when everyone returned home one day to the ultimate evidence....</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">...vegetation spread all over the ground, me with shears in hand and the bushes in the front driveway "crafted" in to beautiful heart shaped topiary! </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEigBw3kYOQ9CsnV06h8FgA65PyNkBer5NVOR9yn1xqvmJFd-ZEqXLmKZJPPjxA74C4-_riO2-4mVPTASvxAOFZkGShZN___f-fyoNgFF8NqnjZb948zmbwaDNssjPMrsZltQrLobOmj-RQN/s1600/IMG_4149.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1524" data-original-width="1524" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEigBw3kYOQ9CsnV06h8FgA65PyNkBer5NVOR9yn1xqvmJFd-ZEqXLmKZJPPjxA74C4-_riO2-4mVPTASvxAOFZkGShZN___f-fyoNgFF8NqnjZb948zmbwaDNssjPMrsZltQrLobOmj-RQN/s640/IMG_4149.jpg" width="640" /></a></span></div>
<br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Visualization
has been found to be helpful among athletes and in therapy situations for individuals to work on setting and achieving goals... but there
are a lot of people who think that by just thinking about something it
will magically appear. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Most often when we visualize something it doesn't just miraculously arrive out of nowhere.... and you have to be open to what I call a "potential heart opportunity"... hence the bushes! </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">That is.... something that requires a little more work and perhaps a tad more imagination on our part to tweak it into its full potential. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Visualization is only the start ....it's the picture in your mind to work towards, and the visual recognition that you have found what you wanted to find. It is knowing and seeing the potential in something and seeing how you can change it to become what you want it to become to match that internal picture.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Sometimes it does just shows up perfectly...pure inspiration and a picture of what we never thought was possible... then there are the other times you have to just work, work, work for both the vision and the result! </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">This exercise
started out for me as a way of "intentionally looking" but it ended
out as much more than that... it morphed in to each heart being a
message to me of:- </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">If you look you will find</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">If you work you will achieve </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">If you try your hardest you will be blessed.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">It was a lesson to me that love surrounds me everywhere and </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">that a tender
higher being showers love on us each and every day... sometimes without us ever
seeing or realizing it.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> ....and life is like a treasure hunt as I look for those tender little mercies and tokens of love strewn in my path.... and sent my way each and every day. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><a href="https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTbnZ4_YHKzYlp_pzYaqpuP_dzM7wKscIj3lLZR7HeRnFsw4ek0Mg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Image result for hearts emoji" border="0" class="rg_ic rg_i" data-sz="f" height="200" name="zA71eOTG_OcgVM:" src="https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTbnZ4_YHKzYlp_pzYaqpuP_dzM7wKscIj3lLZR7HeRnFsw4ek0Mg" style="height: 190px; margin-top: 0px; width: 190px;" width="200" /></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Until next time</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Jx </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">If you would like to see some of my<a href="https://www.instagram.com/jadebie/" target="_blank"> Instaheart</a> finds from June please scroll below :-</span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_WWgGdrqrszK28SIiBRVfnHpQ3wc9J5QXwda_pfLxZ7mDRMf31T1DBEViSc5Pc16hZ6ouDnsitv4YNQTBHgZVUIxUoUfXZnNVkaypX6SXklXdRHEKTWEbf7GzZP_25k68RMQhx9Gp9T2D/s1600/IMG_3902.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1472" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_WWgGdrqrszK28SIiBRVfnHpQ3wc9J5QXwda_pfLxZ7mDRMf31T1DBEViSc5Pc16hZ6ouDnsitv4YNQTBHgZVUIxUoUfXZnNVkaypX6SXklXdRHEKTWEbf7GzZP_25k68RMQhx9Gp9T2D/s640/IMG_3902.jpg" width="588" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Taken walking around Tarn Howes, Cumbria</td></tr>
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<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjbXv8FclzTGvtjgNFgbF1dagTs3mFPjqVIkA3C0hJkg4uPrLBortndPZ9N9ZoizfHRzCp334-Y9cVIfjgzvNoa7gf04G7C961NJ8MzaYNMFw1FfR1-lFKfgzwDsj419eHg72z7yGOLOARh/s1600/IMG_3752.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1600" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjbXv8FclzTGvtjgNFgbF1dagTs3mFPjqVIkA3C0hJkg4uPrLBortndPZ9N9ZoizfHRzCp334-Y9cVIfjgzvNoa7gf04G7C961NJ8MzaYNMFw1FfR1-lFKfgzwDsj419eHg72z7yGOLOARh/s640/IMG_3752.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Derbyshire Junk shop find</td></tr>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiix998fTQQa5zFJzBTujnUbWyLWTHvUbZ-vq4B2dV3qdFrWC-GGpm5Db-94HAXd88VueHyEfK3TACxKfFrUBrww4NFBOjRi4qm_24joFS0bmfLybq6-7zETVGPs6mjC9_FzyJMsoZqjujf/s1600/IMG_3754.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiix998fTQQa5zFJzBTujnUbWyLWTHvUbZ-vq4B2dV3qdFrWC-GGpm5Db-94HAXd88VueHyEfK3TACxKfFrUBrww4NFBOjRi4qm_24joFS0bmfLybq6-7zETVGPs6mjC9_FzyJMsoZqjujf/s640/IMG_3754.jpg" width="480" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Pullwood Bay floor (see <a href="http://henibean.blogspot.co.uk/2017/04/memorial-bench.html" target="_blank">memorial bench</a>)</td></tr>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwK2mzqO4EYmEyYup0iZcVDCxNnRtNbVFfTB9VY2BLTEciaj6A_EsdNLt9lYQoX-zsGzMb0aSnOhrOt33Teo5WZa0Io8s9mPOBxeHgauVft5-pUdZQYsHB3k2RSbNNW52W0sj7qaNqjqJ9/s1600/IMG_3757.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1600" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwK2mzqO4EYmEyYup0iZcVDCxNnRtNbVFfTB9VY2BLTEciaj6A_EsdNLt9lYQoX-zsGzMb0aSnOhrOt33Teo5WZa0Io8s9mPOBxeHgauVft5-pUdZQYsHB3k2RSbNNW52W0sj7qaNqjqJ9/s640/IMG_3757.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">...another one from Pullwood Bay</td></tr>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjQoy9qpPhJs74Z0D2HbFY5h0GkE4ed1g1TP4eRqBdvqi90rORUJ2Bloiwpe9Cwx4aU_K3_iKSJHED8EAOSw6IgkbniTXx4mnhKcvHjPuyGxRFV_2pP0vJ1piaEzEYoHagrRLcREU-BX8nV/s1600/IMG_3936.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1600" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjQoy9qpPhJs74Z0D2HbFY5h0GkE4ed1g1TP4eRqBdvqi90rORUJ2Bloiwpe9Cwx4aU_K3_iKSJHED8EAOSw6IgkbniTXx4mnhKcvHjPuyGxRFV_2pP0vJ1piaEzEYoHagrRLcREU-BX8nV/s640/IMG_3936.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Door Handle at Pullwood Bay</td></tr>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJgeB_JamTtJdrV4NbTqUwgLr-qBL7Sz4gbt9KnsmJFOqn5VVEnFdJYrqrU96vy_Kp_HMdwVfi1M3O1CVtdYb9-mV8m-3B5DgwsfqcC3GMK52eQNm0Bv4_A2MAeb4LTl2R6Kt2hvn-gJ8n/s1600/IMG_3826.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJgeB_JamTtJdrV4NbTqUwgLr-qBL7Sz4gbt9KnsmJFOqn5VVEnFdJYrqrU96vy_Kp_HMdwVfi1M3O1CVtdYb9-mV8m-3B5DgwsfqcC3GMK52eQNm0Bv4_A2MAeb4LTl2R6Kt2hvn-gJ8n/s640/IMG_3826.jpg" width="480" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Tree stump in front of Heni's <a href="http://henibean.blogspot.co.uk/2017/04/memorial-bench.html" target="_blank">memorial bench!</a></td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"></td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"></td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgBPq5p3LAiNgZLGiSJqi678w5oZ-sqzRP5pX2NaACe0kORPv3SUsMhoa9lP0ewJWB7od-0_BZGNUa9iduY2_wRSg_rp84Q43lPo9x8XN_-MWWvx1y0-JylDt4qpyARQHKu8VwNg0TPJI1e/s1600/IMG_3905.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1600" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgBPq5p3LAiNgZLGiSJqi678w5oZ-sqzRP5pX2NaACe0kORPv3SUsMhoa9lP0ewJWB7od-0_BZGNUa9iduY2_wRSg_rp84Q43lPo9x8XN_-MWWvx1y0-JylDt4qpyARQHKu8VwNg0TPJI1e/s640/IMG_3905.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Wood carving at <a href="https://www.nationaltrust.org.uk/townend" target="_blank">Townend </a>(National Trust Property in the Lake District)</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhRcvAODr875KI5htFuxA3XPwvmZWlR5NyiA0FZg6NudSLQPvfsIvnB4cQGS1RVgU9iiirv2wxnxP_75GQxNwbRXaYkyjRFf9Od3reH5kqZl3IMbGPyHEElWVLLi-Em1gup2HOro_49BiZw/s1600/IMG_4009.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1600" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhRcvAODr875KI5htFuxA3XPwvmZWlR5NyiA0FZg6NudSLQPvfsIvnB4cQGS1RVgU9iiirv2wxnxP_75GQxNwbRXaYkyjRFf9Od3reH5kqZl3IMbGPyHEElWVLLi-Em1gup2HOro_49BiZw/s640/IMG_4009.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">...another one from <a href="https://www.nationaltrust.org.uk/townend" target="_blank">Townend</a></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgSC-sheH8Gmkl23whhiy98BT3WyBmwTYZxYLvxrMhJv7_jF9SdstnJ6j6bQ7R_hpC3cpu5X2EUXc8BlLLljxE1XxPA4WDO09nM73BjSGiaNrqWM5aplwkmb5Ykutp5geQ_c_6ZP-d5mcT6/s1600/IMG_3943.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1281" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgSC-sheH8Gmkl23whhiy98BT3WyBmwTYZxYLvxrMhJv7_jF9SdstnJ6j6bQ7R_hpC3cpu5X2EUXc8BlLLljxE1XxPA4WDO09nM73BjSGiaNrqWM5aplwkmb5Ykutp5geQ_c_6ZP-d5mcT6/s640/IMG_3943.jpg" width="512" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Chipperfield woods</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2mhPO9RHYgy56NdUyMkegs1meBTt9lL8SDTGzVdwW8jlJLAKcj4ptscrzqLHhWMUOTN9yox8KJ3rjfyOK0ZFa8pWRGfUVCqiXeNaqq6HXVvsMtwYBHfZ1FfpgoaJnwWCunBA-DPzt0LEq/s1600/IMG_3968.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1564" data-original-width="1475" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2mhPO9RHYgy56NdUyMkegs1meBTt9lL8SDTGzVdwW8jlJLAKcj4ptscrzqLHhWMUOTN9yox8KJ3rjfyOK0ZFa8pWRGfUVCqiXeNaqq6HXVvsMtwYBHfZ1FfpgoaJnwWCunBA-DPzt0LEq/s640/IMG_3968.jpg" width="602" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">cooking in the kitchen!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgx9sIkwTYQVoiLmXheD5GUxAmOnvOEnzrDPn86j5n2nPNX2bfX13SjLIF_s7IVta_Akaa-JEiiHouqPqFVQCfMxv6135dPuyK25GqaidENAsLux6Q2eoFWjgTOWyNpVWvXWmwdAGKhI1r_/s1600/IMG_4007.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1600" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgx9sIkwTYQVoiLmXheD5GUxAmOnvOEnzrDPn86j5n2nPNX2bfX13SjLIF_s7IVta_Akaa-JEiiHouqPqFVQCfMxv6135dPuyK25GqaidENAsLux6Q2eoFWjgTOWyNpVWvXWmwdAGKhI1r_/s640/IMG_4007.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Door handle Berkhamstead high street</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg02Tl5ll0YVn7guEJtle8uI3TtAEUKE3Z2XJvTz0TzzHYRqFOfe1HmEj0fxPHYqV1QjiCVhoc-9auG1R0b57XX9RS6r-BZ7wJMwYzPEOeJHGrGfRai_2JFeBV0R0NqZPh4xH0ZEBdXay6V/s1600/IMG_4018.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1337" data-original-width="1337" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg02Tl5ll0YVn7guEJtle8uI3TtAEUKE3Z2XJvTz0TzzHYRqFOfe1HmEj0fxPHYqV1QjiCVhoc-9auG1R0b57XX9RS6r-BZ7wJMwYzPEOeJHGrGfRai_2JFeBV0R0NqZPh4xH0ZEBdXay6V/s640/IMG_4018.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Garden gate Sarratt</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhXZ2eWr6FWe_Lt9KyOwh-k8vhlz1ibrb23Ey7YE9J-LGlZOraCZhV482f4cvGBAxkstrX9GDLIL6TfFBS6aQA61xB_W9bJWKbKMgecQKzuhbeYyv5H0LnA7JlN80mPrPq2FCNfF325bG3A/s1600/IMG_4071.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1600" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhXZ2eWr6FWe_Lt9KyOwh-k8vhlz1ibrb23Ey7YE9J-LGlZOraCZhV482f4cvGBAxkstrX9GDLIL6TfFBS6aQA61xB_W9bJWKbKMgecQKzuhbeYyv5H0LnA7JlN80mPrPq2FCNfF325bG3A/s640/IMG_4071.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Man hole cover!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjgxvxHzZv4l1lb6mwEOnM3v_vHCx9a4VpQjrBJNhBsopwKE3lgPNCnJfWMLyE9599rl0b9EIetrNdSf_uYNkmzOmdG7m1rG1t_eSh6-sEjwxLqFxuYwKxgQ8X0mJdbK04GKgOGgCKOF6oY/s1600/IMG_4081.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1600" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjgxvxHzZv4l1lb6mwEOnM3v_vHCx9a4VpQjrBJNhBsopwKE3lgPNCnJfWMLyE9599rl0b9EIetrNdSf_uYNkmzOmdG7m1rG1t_eSh6-sEjwxLqFxuYwKxgQ8X0mJdbK04GKgOGgCKOF6oY/s640/IMG_4081.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Iron railing Near Grosvenor square, London</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgW7_V_nzzVyD-e2fxRkr2WDIuj_uwypu9dmdXnfma8Jexo0adIXmkm5fx5ZTILpnh9CzXm9AsX9RqPy-GK-uh7os60K778pYv1iIGxcAFYO_PHAcD_4C-qRHfViVtG1DtUGk0Ql8Bv0cRp/s1600/IMG_4100.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1600" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgW7_V_nzzVyD-e2fxRkr2WDIuj_uwypu9dmdXnfma8Jexo0adIXmkm5fx5ZTILpnh9CzXm9AsX9RqPy-GK-uh7os60K778pYv1iIGxcAFYO_PHAcD_4C-qRHfViVtG1DtUGk0Ql8Bv0cRp/s640/IMG_4100.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Iron railing, London</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiHMgcZKmaM0fqsMVwe2CIqmDlGHtfvzzYP_RtoMyog_OZvaMQc4u83ntXEpbpAxN3DLy2uq_g_Ld04PPYC6D9ixO34YuDNdI12_qPmTE2cAEE5Fn9PDnrDHDJkMQQlgeDS_gwtnsb5anSW/s1600/IMG_4130.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1600" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiHMgcZKmaM0fqsMVwe2CIqmDlGHtfvzzYP_RtoMyog_OZvaMQc4u83ntXEpbpAxN3DLy2uq_g_Ld04PPYC6D9ixO34YuDNdI12_qPmTE2cAEE5Fn9PDnrDHDJkMQQlgeDS_gwtnsb5anSW/s640/IMG_4130.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Lantern, shop at Hitchin Lavender fields</td></tr>
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<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg5-xPv8XE03RDHhNcKzbNyAM82j7zQIII-1J148aDVqjYrHGtm2yjy9bjIwRQHQExG_T8vagUclltbTDbJH1NeluEyGeKX0EJYk6We8e0DJtjr2_joQEbkR4EeAzC7i_apaL-MkYZ5weBS/s1600/IMG_4140.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1563" data-original-width="1563" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg5-xPv8XE03RDHhNcKzbNyAM82j7zQIII-1J148aDVqjYrHGtm2yjy9bjIwRQHQExG_T8vagUclltbTDbJH1NeluEyGeKX0EJYk6We8e0DJtjr2_joQEbkR4EeAzC7i_apaL-MkYZ5weBS/s640/IMG_4140.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Ouside the Buiscuiteers, Knotting Hill, London</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjx8ZtFAKzPH2STvXjMPWpGuCBfJbkPMfJX-YooNVG4IXiEy21y0HCxYRuAdTSIpXe3ZOSY2GpO5BVQEFqYPcYgx5lwRWPtp8V3849KFDvYiIbz-6HjIUC4WlLmoquYauC-eMquSJ-Gj96n/s1600/IMG_4022.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1565" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjx8ZtFAKzPH2STvXjMPWpGuCBfJbkPMfJX-YooNVG4IXiEy21y0HCxYRuAdTSIpXe3ZOSY2GpO5BVQEFqYPcYgx5lwRWPtp8V3849KFDvYiIbz-6HjIUC4WlLmoquYauC-eMquSJ-Gj96n/s640/IMG_4022.jpg" width="626" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Marshmallow hearts</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh2_VIXidCLC3MLpCXbZZqYL842G8eY3TKn9ETmj0ZnVlQQ8lyV7iUn9D1tZywsHL1PFVL-35_JOfeaiIS5TEJM0CJIBdFP1004mjgZMbeQ9G9eQh_80NhX17K8YyyDMl2vlHLwsoTu1-3t/s1600/IMG_4034.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1600" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh2_VIXidCLC3MLpCXbZZqYL842G8eY3TKn9ETmj0ZnVlQQ8lyV7iUn9D1tZywsHL1PFVL-35_JOfeaiIS5TEJM0CJIBdFP1004mjgZMbeQ9G9eQh_80NhX17K8YyyDMl2vlHLwsoTu1-3t/s640/IMG_4034.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Moss heart on a rock</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjuRJys7MJE2HoOEwXd3RJ9tr9LoR1J4-rpBfJumwLWUQT9Ta2DyhJmdvbfUpZt3h_saYiG0VSQsIiTkad5oSRSq81HUhsak2rVFAMrYupiGUk-NCD_jpnOO-YkaMlEvKQr5JhMibgXOkWM/s1600/IMG_4153.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1600" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjuRJys7MJE2HoOEwXd3RJ9tr9LoR1J4-rpBfJumwLWUQT9Ta2DyhJmdvbfUpZt3h_saYiG0VSQsIiTkad5oSRSq81HUhsak2rVFAMrYupiGUk-NCD_jpnOO-YkaMlEvKQr5JhMibgXOkWM/s640/IMG_4153.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Lego heart.... made by the hungry boy </td></tr>
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<br />jadebiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06413526635637792044noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2817630757790422763.post-47078656828871174232017-05-20T00:00:00.000-07:002018-09-29T09:00:01.587-07:00Moments of Joy<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">It's been a while!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I have to admit that I haven't felt much like writing
recently, as grief does interesting things to your priorities and to your brain! On the times I've wanted to write something, I haven't had the brain
power to sit and concentrate... or other things come higher up on the list of
current necessities and blogging gets put on the back burner. Then, there are days that you just have to go in to survival mode when you can only do the basics and the desire to blog is a far distant thought.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">It's been a rough few months with many ups and downs... and
although the "ups" haven't been as up as I would like them to be.....
I have tried to be diligent and consistent in plodding ever forwards, learning
how to create a new, different life without Heni. It's often been a struggle along
the way to search out those moments of joy that I mentioned back in a post I wrote
just before <a href="http://henibean.blogspot.co.uk/2016/12/a-differen-kind-of-christmas.html#more" target="_blank">Christmas .</a></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Those moments of joy ARE there... they just take some searching for right now. It's a purposeful activity. One in which if you engage in, opens your eyes and broadens your view. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Those moments often arrive when</span><br />
<a name='more'></a><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> I go out walking and intentionally look and see the perfect picture to photograph. Or awake and pause to listen to the sound of the birds chirping outside. They come when you tune into the warmth of the sun on your face on one of those rare glorious days or a fleeting break in the clouds.</span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">They can
easily been overlooked, mistaken or even ignored if you are not mindful
and actively engaged in the process of being aware and noticing them.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Sometimes those moments of joy come when a friend I haven't heard from in a while sends me a text telling me that they are mindful of me and have been praying for my comfort and strength. They come with the kind words, hugs and thoughtfulness of others. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">At other times you have to just make your own joy.... to purposefully get up and go out the house to do something constructive, like a class or to provide help to someone else. To turn on the more upbeat music, take time to read or just tune in and be cognizent of the moments needs. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Recently my mac reached the point where I had no disc space left! My almost 30,000 photos were taking up a little too much room... that made me grin because it showed me something that I enjoy and reminded me (as I sorted and looked back on the photo library) of the moments that have made me smile and that have given me (and still give me) Joy. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Today I thought I'd share some of the pictures taken on our yearly traditional walk around <a href="https://www.nationaltrust.org.uk/tarn-hows-and-coniston" target="_blank">Tarn Hows </a>in the Lake district.... the same day on which we put <a href="http://henibean.blogspot.co.uk/2017/04/memorial-bench.html" target="_blank">Heni's memorial bench</a> in place and scattered some of her ashes... </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">(If you want to compare previous years pics you can also click <a href="http://henibean.blogspot.co.uk/2015/05/making-memories-and-traditions-no-1.html" target="_blank">here</a> as we usually take pictures in the same spot each year!)</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">They are followed by some other photos from the trip that make me smile and instill a sense of joy when I look at them and remember the memories. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Following are some of the lovely walks and joyful memories that we made on our trip ...</span><br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Stock Ghyll force Waterfall walk in Ambleside</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgvCaI4LtLiH1-QnjS5ZV1eyTU88LklD0jXnnVcWHB2JqwdIHVWjKT75avxXVBwEUVqya95kYxmQJ15x0TkUmxo1U-XhhQX4fIyDZnZFtZBNeqMYXHRZX7MOgmGrCxhgSjBkvUN-tbzKEDY/s1600/IMG_3038.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgvCaI4LtLiH1-QnjS5ZV1eyTU88LklD0jXnnVcWHB2JqwdIHVWjKT75avxXVBwEUVqya95kYxmQJ15x0TkUmxo1U-XhhQX4fIyDZnZFtZBNeqMYXHRZX7MOgmGrCxhgSjBkvUN-tbzKEDY/s320/IMG_3038.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.gps-routes.co.uk/routes/home.nsf/routeslinkswalks/catbells-walking-route" target="_blank">Cat Bells </a>Walk near Keswick</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Lunch stop on Wainwright's Harter fell climb</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The bearded boys</td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">...and some of the amazing scenery that always instills in me a sense of peace, calm and awe at nature. </span><br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Ambleside to Grasmere walk - looking back at Rydal water</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Lakeside walk -<a href="http://where2walk.co.uk/lake_district/lake_discoveries/the-beauty-of-ullswater/" target="_blank">Howtown to Glenridding </a></td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Mossy stone Boat house - Howtown to Glenridding walk</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Roman fort at <a href="http://www.english-heritage.org.uk/visit/places/hardknott-roman-fort/" target="_blank">Hardknott pass</a></td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Glenridding church - on the last leg of our <br />
Howtown to Glenridding lakeside walk (another Wainwright) </td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Stone walls, tree roots and moss - my favourite combination of texture</td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> ... and some of the joyful moments when I see love all around me and capture it in my heart and mind with a photograph.</span><br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Heart on a tree - found on our <a href="http://www.lakesidehotel.co.uk/files/uploaded/walks/Walks6.pdf" target="_blank">Wray castle to Bowness walk</a></td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"></td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"></td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"></td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"></td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"></td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Hear shaped rock in the stream by our favourite bridge - Tarn Howes (top of page)</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhs8x9xTgUDhIfXDan_9tSmWbacGoQiDFycgwFU5kxmm4z0K306E6195gNJEk_HEqMGDk4qPm5XDvzL4PTeHVr5w0TE_KlGaMuR4KX8Z9PA5Y0iXkx71uT4A7ovKU0Tbu7ZpudQUo3JAlyY/s1600/IMG_3077.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="584" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhs8x9xTgUDhIfXDan_9tSmWbacGoQiDFycgwFU5kxmm4z0K306E6195gNJEk_HEqMGDk4qPm5XDvzL4PTeHVr5w0TE_KlGaMuR4KX8Z9PA5Y0iXkx71uT4A7ovKU0Tbu7ZpudQUo3JAlyY/s320/IMG_3077.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Love is everywhere if you only look for it!</td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">...and a few of my favourite black and white photos from the trip.... taken at <a href="https://www.nationaltrust.org.uk/allan-bank-and-grasmere" target="_blank">Alan Bank in Grasmere </a></span><br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The boys doing a pastel picture </td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Hubby contemplating the view at the writing desk - looking over Grasmere lake</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Big Bro T - taking a moments reflection of the stunning views</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Girls in the games room</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The hungry boy in The library</td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">This week... if joy seems to be eluding you ... I would encourage you to stop what you are doing at regular intervals (maybe even set your watch timer?) take a few deep breaths, look around and then ask yourself a few questions.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">What do I see that I like right now?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">What is good in my life?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">What is one simple pleasure that I can enjoy today?</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">If you would like to have some more questions to ask yourself you can find a list of <a href="https://tinybuddha.com/blog/50-questions-to-foster-gratitude-and-feel-good-about-life/" target="_blank">"50 questions that will help you feel grateful and good about life".</a>... and I would add joyful too! </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Until next time.... whenever that may be : )</span><br />
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<br />jadebiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06413526635637792044noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2817630757790422763.post-16978992366905405562017-04-14T00:00:00.000-07:002018-09-29T09:00:42.431-07:00Memorial Bench<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgc3gq17kIViky7B5qKP_98VAcLUrGyOjje7-Il6YgygHLHWmKSx9PapJg0fwGYb0TeX5n8FaIHTGIlv0iHT-5jGDlPnpwsh89EGBEWTSqSclKdBdu46484uwBuAe-CuyFKuFJMD7ZRJ6c-/s1600/IMG_2851.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="504" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgc3gq17kIViky7B5qKP_98VAcLUrGyOjje7-Il6YgygHLHWmKSx9PapJg0fwGYb0TeX5n8FaIHTGIlv0iHT-5jGDlPnpwsh89EGBEWTSqSclKdBdu46484uwBuAe-CuyFKuFJMD7ZRJ6c-/s640/IMG_2851.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">A week ago today we got back from our yearly family trip to the Lake district here in England. It's one of my favourite places to visit... it's such a beautiful place that it draws us back time and time again. When Heni passed away last October, we all knew that we wanted to return this year on a "memorial trip"... put a bench in a special place, and scatter some of her ashes on one of our "Heni" walks we do each year.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">It took a bit of time and effort researching how to go about it all . As I approached a number of organizations to see what could be done, I felt repeatedly dejected to find that our idea was just not looking like it would ever happen.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><a href="https://www.nationaltrust.org.uk/features/in-memory-and-celebration" target="_blank">The National Trust</a> were unable to offer any memorial benches or tree planting (although they do allow you to make a donation and record it in a book). However I read on<a href="https://www.scattering-ashes.co.uk/places/national-trust-england/" target="_blank"> another blog</a> that they do allow scattering of ashes as long as you abide by a few guide lines and do it discreetly and respect other individuals.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> Another organization called <a href="http://www.lakedistrict.gov.uk/caringfor/donate" target="_blank">The Lake District National Park </a>have a number of projects that you can donate money or time to (such as a gate, sign or helping build a trail etc). They also allow a small plaque with a name, birth and death date. Unfortunately for us though, none of the projects were in an area that had any sentimental connection or memories that we associated with Heni on our previous trips.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><a href="http://scotland.forestry.gov.uk/managing/get-involved/permissions-and-permits/memorials" target="_blank">The Forestry Commission</a> didn't allow memorial benches or tree planting either... and so my investigations came to an abrupt end. I was advised, during the many telephone conversations I had, that we should see if anything could be done on private land.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiIE4hgbM727RXHuXOiSjZedGoOQWTLektfds7U0Jv-5fYLbgBankZmhVRXkZu5F86Czgp5mn79W_vGvK9aA7VzoM07LroO87Pu0yJHbJkeE130cG2pUJYPuUBZ-8i0SuZY6A6YxF_vXWYL/s1600/IMG_2797.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiIE4hgbM727RXHuXOiSjZedGoOQWTLektfds7U0Jv-5fYLbgBankZmhVRXkZu5F86Czgp5mn79W_vGvK9aA7VzoM07LroO87Pu0yJHbJkeE130cG2pUJYPuUBZ-8i0SuZY6A6YxF_vXWYL/s640/IMG_2797.jpg" width="640" /></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">You may remember that last year on our Lakes trip we stayed at a wonderful place called the <a href="http://henibean.blogspot.co.uk/2016/04/the-struggle.html" target="_blank">Cedars. </a>It was one of Heni's last holidays... and her very last trip to Cumbria. We decided we would love to book the property again for this years trip. It is set in the grounds of <a href="http://www.pullwoodbay.com/" target="_blank">Pullwood Bay estate</a> just behind the large Manor house which is now converted into holiday apartments. The manager of the house very kindly approached the Pullwood Bay estate team on our behalf and as a result </span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">we were given permission to place Heni's bench on the grounds in front of the beautiful big house on the side of lake Windermere. The team </span>were all amazingly understanding and helpful to work with on the run up to our trip. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> The spot we eventually decided on was in front of a small beach area by the side of a lovely little jetty. The jetty already has another memorial bench on it ...</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEicxdCcUIKtTqYpYhzEhEz7yA8NcC6wfgI1washnkqYQRwn6yqelXVmSKNiMsUjv_mxKJZWR6cw6CTufTRQnjzmEkbXwgzqQgkLeGIJGGydBlsPxS4C1K3v0c3M3n51MdKQhY8YS-EhZt0j/s1600/IMG_7728.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEicxdCcUIKtTqYpYhzEhEz7yA8NcC6wfgI1washnkqYQRwn6yqelXVmSKNiMsUjv_mxKJZWR6cw6CTufTRQnjzmEkbXwgzqQgkLeGIJGGydBlsPxS4C1K3v0c3M3n51MdKQhY8YS-EhZt0j/s320/IMG_7728.jpg" width="240" /></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">...but the area just a little further back is perfectly centred to the beach and framed by trees. It looks out to a small island full of ducks, swans and other birds. As you look further across the lake you can see the hills at the other side, just above Windermere town. If you look up the lake you can see Ambleside nestled amid the hills above it. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">It really is just the perfect spot. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiVRa1grMpGceOCVH1HMTIZcU9hLRfzqlM1_zo5WkqW_Ibvs4ojefm8IfQLKm9pNoIQ5LbFGy_Oh_-OaEPXUDRY9GbWIqfuNmDBN9BDm3ZE2MjHeyXzEnMwlwwEnP2dG2WtTawedupeuB8z/s1600/IMG_2826.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiVRa1grMpGceOCVH1HMTIZcU9hLRfzqlM1_zo5WkqW_Ibvs4ojefm8IfQLKm9pNoIQ5LbFGy_Oh_-OaEPXUDRY9GbWIqfuNmDBN9BDm3ZE2MjHeyXzEnMwlwwEnP2dG2WtTawedupeuB8z/s320/IMG_2826.jpg" width="240" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjOmO7tAyALMHrjSDdW94eyYPKeMks_i0S5WAwJZK23C_dacDEARuxe4J8ZqJDqKrtui1TJy1NxjiGdHPMDtc7IHdX2tfdpAsoHPa3fAT74pxEFSQfvBJTuXVylgUmP0kF7tCnDoI5e-3Gf/s1600/IMG_3033.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjOmO7tAyALMHrjSDdW94eyYPKeMks_i0S5WAwJZK23C_dacDEARuxe4J8ZqJDqKrtui1TJy1NxjiGdHPMDtc7IHdX2tfdpAsoHPa3fAT74pxEFSQfvBJTuXVylgUmP0kF7tCnDoI5e-3Gf/s320/IMG_3033.jpg" width="240" /></a> </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">We ordered a lovely chunky bench from <a href="http://www.sustainable-furniture.co.uk/garden-furniture-patio-furniture/garden-benches-garden-seats" target="_blank">Sustainable furniture </a>on line and we had it delivered to our home with the intention of taking it up with us in the Landy. Landy however, decided not to play ball and broke down a week before we were supposed to travel! It couldn't be fixed in time for the journey and we ended up having to hire a white van at the last minute to transport it up. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> We deliberated for quite some time over what to put on the Plaque but we all loved this one below.</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9vGHMcVBMDyqIXgsTD_EgLq334sZ9yfud9o0lxCwGFaKO5cdfLwESVX9_yjJ1GQrkGdS6Bbt3_Hp6WloembEmKcCu7-aHoxz4UQhGCZ0B-jHpVx9DxzKZXGiIIXbovoCPOjz8dYHG5_zk/s1600/IMG_2865.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9vGHMcVBMDyqIXgsTD_EgLq334sZ9yfud9o0lxCwGFaKO5cdfLwESVX9_yjJ1GQrkGdS6Bbt3_Hp6WloembEmKcCu7-aHoxz4UQhGCZ0B-jHpVx9DxzKZXGiIIXbovoCPOjz8dYHG5_zk/s640/IMG_2865.jpg" width="640" /></a><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> It puts in to words how strong our beautiful daughter was. She had so many reasons to give in and be unhappy but despite all of her difficulties she made it look easy as she smiled and carried her trials with grace and beauty. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">On the day we had arranged to put the bench in situ we woke up to stunning blue sky... a real treat for us as we normally get rain and wind in the lakes at this time of year. It made me think that perhaps Heni must have been in charge of the weather department that day... helping us feel that she was mindful of us all! We were blessed to be able to go down to the waters edge, put our blankets down and enjoy the sun as we admired the company of the local swans and listened to <a href="https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2017/04?lang=eng" target="_blank">conference </a>in the back ground....</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">One of the talks we listened to resonated with me a great deal. It was a timely reminder of Gods plan for all of us....that birth and death are just milestones on our journey to eternal life back with Him. <span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">A</span>n apt message in light of our <span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">purpose that day and for us all </span>on the run up to E<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">a</span>ster<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">!</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">"Because
of God’s holy plan, we know that birth and death are actually just
milestones on our journey to eternal life with our Heavenly Father".</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">We all took it in turns to plant th<span style="font-size: x-small;">e<span style="font-weight: normal;"><span class="productClass"> Tête á Tête</span></span></span> daffodils on each side of the bench in pretty little circles.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I even managed to find a gorgeous heart shaped trowel (you probably know my love of all things heart shaped by now!)....in a local garden centre in Ambleside to dig the holes.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> When the planting and setting of the bench was complete we all took a bunch of photos on and around it (with Heni's friend Rapunzel!) for the family album.... and then later that afternoon we walked in one of our favourite spots.... each scattering a small amount of Heni's ashes along the way.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I</span>t was a week of mixed emotions and I sure miss my sweet precious daughter... but </span>we are SO grateful to have this place to return to each year (I'm sure it will be more often than that now!) Every day we were in the Lakes I loved to walk down to the bench and just sit, look out over the view and think of all that Heni has brought into my life and remember her beautiful smile. Now that I am back home again I still revisit the bench every day in my minds eye. I can see the stunning scenery and the peace and calm it instills. If there is one thing for certain, it is that the beauty of this view needed to be and thankfully IS so apt, appropriate and fitting for such an amazingly beautiful person as Heni!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I don't really need a bench to sit on and remember my daughter each day but as I recall her there is one thing that makes it bearable for me to be without her....and that is to sit and remember the one who made it possible for me to see her again one day.</span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I hope that this <span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">E</span>aster as you <span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">celebrate<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> you will look be<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">yond the <span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">E</span>aster eggs<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">,</span> fluffy bunny rabbit<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">s and baby lambs and also take time to remember <span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">"T</span>he <span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">G</span>ood <span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">S</span>hepherd" who sacrificed himself for his <span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">sheep</span> </span></span></span></span></span></span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: #333399; font-family: "tahoma" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 14pt;"><i></i></span>John 10:11 ...even the<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> on<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">e who called himself the</span></span> "Resurrection and the life"... the one who if we believe in him, will make it possible </span></span></span></span></span>for all of us to <span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">eventually see our loved ones again. </span></span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Jx</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">You can scroll below if you would like to see a bunch more pictures from the mornings activities.</span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEit5xaUrJ5Pcbuy6kRC4qPE4mepErL6DHkVZ09APH9Nmy4wSoHHnpWc6297xXXsqbuJwl8WkFkiOX89BFhQcKk4vDLIsli5xhumcHjy3BgqxSsghvnFq9d25_dnRLygmQzIXMCJxCW51FSC/s1600/IMG_2935.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEit5xaUrJ5Pcbuy6kRC4qPE4mepErL6DHkVZ09APH9Nmy4wSoHHnpWc6297xXXsqbuJwl8WkFkiOX89BFhQcKk4vDLIsli5xhumcHjy3BgqxSsghvnFq9d25_dnRLygmQzIXMCJxCW51FSC/s640/IMG_2935.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Sighting the bench in the perfect spot</td></tr>
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<br />jadebiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06413526635637792044noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2817630757790422763.post-90934761007245113112017-04-09T00:00:00.000-07:002018-09-29T09:01:14.933-07:00#The Prince of Peace<br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">If life seems to be out of balance and everything is going wrong... or everything seems to be out of kilter.... I invite you to take a look at how you can regain greater balance and peace in your life by clicking on the above video link. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">This week on the run up to Easter Sunday, there's a series of videos you can watch that give real life examples of how others have found this peace and balance by practicing the principles below:-</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I particularly relate to the video on <a href="https://www.mormon.org.uk/easter/principles-of-peace/hope" target="_blank">Hope</a> and how this has brought me comfort and peace throughout the last six months after Heni's death. Whatever your life holds for you right now, I hope that you too can find and be full of this peace.</span><br />
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</span> <span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Jx</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Join me again soon for my next post about our trip up to the Lake<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> district</span>....</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> where we put Heni's memorial bench in situ in one of the most beautiful peaceful places you can imagin<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">e</span>...</span><br />
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<br />jadebiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06413526635637792044noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2817630757790422763.post-40596796658356079922017-03-28T00:00:00.001-07:002018-09-29T09:02:02.461-07:00Two years and counting....<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> Henibean is 2 years old today! </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I
know I've not been as diligent at writing over the last month... it's
been a difficult time... and I haven't felt much like sitting and
tapping out my thoughts on the keyboard ....but hey this blog is about
balance ... and you have to cut yourself some slack sometimes don't
you? </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">A
lot has happened in the last two year and today I wanted to </span><br />
<a name='more'></a><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">mark the
occasion by at least writing something and taking some time to look back
over all the post that have been put up here. As I look back, I am
reminded of some of the fun adventures that we have had with Heni </span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">(<a href="http://henibean.blogspot.co.uk/2015/09/hydro-for-heni.html" target="_blank">here</a>, <a href="http://henibean.blogspot.co.uk/2016/06/out-and-about-with-heni-stockwood.html" target="_blank">here</a>) </span>.... and some of the fun respite trips we have taken as a family without her <a href="http://henibean.blogspot.co.uk/2016/08/norway-no-way.html" target="_blank">(here</a>, <a href="http://henibean.blogspot.co.uk/2015/11/making-memories-and-traditions-one-off.html" target="_blank">here)</a>... also, the walking with wheelchair post (<a href="http://henibean.blogspot.co.uk/2015/05/walking-with-wheelchairs-grasmere-lake.html" target="_blank">here</a>, <a href="http://henibean.blogspot.co.uk/2015/04/walking-with-wheelchairs-wilstone.html" target="_blank">here)</a> and Eating out with food intolerance posts (<a href="http://henibean.blogspot.co.uk/2016/06/eating-out-with-food-intolerances-at.html" target="_blank">here</a>, <a href="http://henibean.blogspot.co.uk/2016/03/lincoln-trip-and-eating-out-with-food.html" target="_blank"> here)</a>. Here are a few of the many "Sanity Space projects" that I have undertaken <a href="http://henibean.blogspot.co.uk/2015/11/sanity-space-advent-tree-part-4.html" target="_blank">(here</a>, <a href="http://henibean.blogspot.co.uk/2015/04/sanity-space-project-t-shirt-cushions.html" target="_blank">here,</a> <a href="http://henibean.blogspot.co.uk/2017/02/re-purposing-your-life.html" target="_blank">here</a>, <a href="http://henibean.blogspot.co.uk/2016/07/sanity-space-henis-birthday-mural-part-2.html" target="_blank">here</a>)... some of the "Books I've reviewed" (<a href="http://henibean.blogspot.co.uk/2016/03/book-review-brain-maker-by-dr-david.html" target="_blank">here,</a> <a href="http://henibean.blogspot.co.uk/2015/09/book-review-being-mortal-illness.html" target="_blank">here)</a> ...the "Rants" I've had (<a href="http://henibean.blogspot.co.uk/2015/11/inalienable-rights.html" target="_blank">here,</a> <a href="http://henibean.blogspot.co.uk/2015/03/parking-in-disabled-spots.html" target="_blank">here)</a> and some of the "Health" related blog posts I've written<a href="http://henibean.blogspot.co.uk/2016/05/water-therapy.html" target="_blank"> (here</a>, <a href="http://henibean.blogspot.co.uk/2016/01/heni-and-her-ear-twiddlingbetter-known.html" target="_blank">here</a>, <a href="http://henibean.blogspot.co.uk/2015/06/i-wanted-to-post-some-picture-that-i.html" target="_blank">here)</a> .</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">There
are Far too many to list, but I hope that you will go check some of
them out via the links, or go visit the side bar and browse around and
have a read.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">When I started the blog two years ago it was with three intentions....</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">....it was to be a creative outlet for myself...</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">....a family history/journal for my kids to read one day...</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">....and
it was also a tool to share some of our life, trials and lessons
learned with other Trisomy families who hopefully may have been able to
benefit from some of the things we have experienced with Heni.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Now that Heni is no longer with us I have been wondering what direction to take with the blog?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I
guess the first two intensions remain the same, and to some degree our
journey through grief may be helpful to some out there.... </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">But...in
this next year you may find that I write a few more health related
topics and book reviews and who knows what else may appear? I hope you
will stick with me and find out how things develop. I am in no hurry. I
have accepted that grief is a journey and some days I may feel OK and
want to write while other days I don't. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I
would however love to get some guest posts on here though... after all
the theme of the blog is "Learning how to live amid challenges and
maintain health, sanity, creativity and balance"... and I know that
there are a lot of people out there (in addition to me) who are going
through challenges!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">If
you feel like you would like to write a post about your challenges and
what you are learning and how you are striving for balance, OR if you
have an expertise in physical, emotional and spiritual health,
creativity, and life balance.... and think that you could be of benefit
to Henibean's readers, please feel free to get in touch with me (message
me on <a href="https://www.facebook.com/Henibean-158755564312371/" target="_blank">Henibean's face book page</a>).</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">In
the next few weeks we are heading up to the Lake district again (our
yearly trip) and are going back to where we stayed with Heni last year. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">My
son and daughter in law are flying in and some of Heni's carers who
have holidayed with us for years are also coming along. We are going to
be putting a memorial bench in situ and will also be taking our yearly
family pictures. </span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">It
will be a trip filled with mixed emotions... but I hope that more than
anything it will be filled with love, laughter and fond memories of all
our time spent with each other and with Heni. Which reminds me </span></span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">....no
birthday would be complete without a rendition of happy birthday.....so
here is one from big bro T to Heni last year on holiday for her 21st!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Keep
a look out for up coming posts of our trip....and please forgive me for
being sporadic as I work my way through all the ups and downs of the
grief journey. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Hope to see you all real soon!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Jx</span>jadebiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06413526635637792044noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2817630757790422763.post-7048800738816529242017-02-18T00:00:00.000-08:002018-09-29T09:02:19.228-07:00Re-purposing... your life<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> My Craft room/office has been upstairs for a few years now...</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I was happy there and had no reason to be anywhere else. I loved the vantage point and the view over the garden it provided me with and enjoyed the peace and quiet ... a <a href="http://henibean.blogspot.co.uk/2015/04/sanity-space-project-t-shirt-cushions.html" target="_blank">"Sanity Space"</a> to write and create. But things have changed... as they always do.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> Since <a href="http://henibean.blogspot.co.uk/2016/10/empty-chair-and-aching-heart.html" target="_blank">Heni died,</a> I have had the difficult task of walking numerous times daily by her room and seeing everything left as it was... shelves teaming full of " friends" that she loved.... </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">... her bed... in which she fell asleep and never awoke again.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> Memories oozed from the room with each passing... memories of the sensory wonderland we would sometimes make and spend hours playing in... </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> ...the fun hours she spent watching and giggling away at the <a href="http://henibean.blogspot.co.uk/2016/01/special-needs-equipment-henis-projector.html" target="_blank">movies projected </a>onto her wall...</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> ...and the stories that each riot of colour, texture and piece of "stuff" (that filled every nook and cranny with hardly a space to move) held. You could say that her room was full of life. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Then it was empty.... and I had the same but more difficult task of walking by her room daily, seeing it bare... unclothed of all the colour and life it once wore... the years of memories stripped away. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> It hurt... and it hurt bad. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">So although I have been happy upstairs hiding away in my sanity space, I eventually decided to give Heni's room a new lease of life...re-purposing it by bringing the craft room downstairs and making it into a place in which I could sit with my thoughts, write, do projects and be at peace in Her space once again. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Its easy to re-purpose a room... the blank canvas can be written on and made in to something new and exciting. But although the room was blank I wanted to maintain a lot of Heni in it. I wanted to have bright colours like she did, and have some of her things around me still. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEizAb-KcPf-HVD6mgGWfv1D5Y19oOClJLgRobevw82IgaeiolUG45P4lKgyd0JkcDx5zy76Ebk0DbXigT078LHbCZ9h3GQD1o-NwoorLYTn8t3A3y1qvd-J4ZkEBdi7o1Zo5mhKuANcFEte/s1600/IMG_2405.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEizAb-KcPf-HVD6mgGWfv1D5Y19oOClJLgRobevw82IgaeiolUG45P4lKgyd0JkcDx5zy76Ebk0DbXigT078LHbCZ9h3GQD1o-NwoorLYTn8t3A3y1qvd-J4ZkEBdi7o1Zo5mhKuANcFEte/s640/IMG_2405.jpg" width="480" /></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">The photos of Heni that I displayed at her <a href="http://funeral./">funeral.</a>... are hung from the picture rail so I can still see her smiley face every day.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJsGxAlmlMkj7ZeMwbuxVPuhX6saZouf4xQkWDEm8O9GsWZK1AH1J384-j5pkc0FygVx4kzQwhNrihQLbh5bLf5yfwjerULyBSSOJAaTHDLk3cRrXCiE8QE0sXMyJReDQaxO80Qus0u7OG/s1600/IMG_2402.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJsGxAlmlMkj7ZeMwbuxVPuhX6saZouf4xQkWDEm8O9GsWZK1AH1J384-j5pkc0FygVx4kzQwhNrihQLbh5bLf5yfwjerULyBSSOJAaTHDLk3cRrXCiE8QE0sXMyJReDQaxO80Qus0u7OG/s640/IMG_2402.jpg" width="480" /></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">...and a host of family photos hang on the walls ... to remind me that I am still surrounded by my families love...even though one of them is apart from us for a season. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgXYhb8pUWxwaMtJfAXdqdyx4_tkMDZeAZy7v6amPCktJe7N5-yxTQpYS8ZwkkXwM_dGjWBw3AWbjsMAwVVaEl_AQi4CROt58QF6fpiPUaZwU1nmWaqwnz2_wK-Ty1xy2XLVd941tiST-tb/s1600/IMG_2401.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgXYhb8pUWxwaMtJfAXdqdyx4_tkMDZeAZy7v6amPCktJe7N5-yxTQpYS8ZwkkXwM_dGjWBw3AWbjsMAwVVaEl_AQi4CROt58QF6fpiPUaZwU1nmWaqwnz2_wK-Ty1xy2XLVd941tiST-tb/s640/IMG_2401.jpg" width="480" /></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">The wood plank trestle table fit in perfectly under the window... with millimeters to spare....</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhZjW8rplcfGk9YKay0OdAFFl3lK7DkWWZesPZzhR55WoUfLprcFUgyHq263ydBnai1HBi3mm5xcDL-9vpd3fIigPOZ13h9Qa1AfspOoZSOaNS8t7KJRjDTWJDC8EIcj2PSE79N2NyEkx_s/s1600/IMG_2365.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhZjW8rplcfGk9YKay0OdAFFl3lK7DkWWZesPZzhR55WoUfLprcFUgyHq263ydBnai1HBi3mm5xcDL-9vpd3fIigPOZ13h9Qa1AfspOoZSOaNS8t7KJRjDTWJDC8EIcj2PSE79N2NyEkx_s/s640/IMG_2365.jpg" width="640" /></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> ...the shelves are perfect for all of the craft supplies, in ready sight, waiting to be used... </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> and the re-purposed table which hubby made for me (so I could wheel it in to the middle of the room for extra workspace) has its own perfect place.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgaxgcEaiOpT-Zuyk0elM7EFHaqE-Ap9L_v1wgyIaiUNwonHD8GdFBO8o2oRCuPuZzwmdV7rMcYAwVSvraMQO2pcv6bpsam2kHVMgpwYiV26IaKiNEiGhelPPC8hRnnliIlBwWRHLYq2Sms/s1600/IMG_2367.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgaxgcEaiOpT-Zuyk0elM7EFHaqE-Ap9L_v1wgyIaiUNwonHD8GdFBO8o2oRCuPuZzwmdV7rMcYAwVSvraMQO2pcv6bpsam2kHVMgpwYiV26IaKiNEiGhelPPC8hRnnliIlBwWRHLYq2Sms/s320/IMG_2367.jpg" width="240" /></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> Even the picture my mother in law painted hangs on the wall ... <a href="http://henibean.blogspot.co.uk/2017/01/back-to-basics.html" target="_blank">the rolling waves</a> reminding me of the tides of grief and the ever changing seascape of emotion that we are all subject to. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhyVCJ8BltP7cqWyfYtNcMoQTMvkgSwifBTUSxm7Ne-YgNEXe2iMo7ewRjhbfqxPyuECt5aQ2ieQ-fTcU9mE4MwX-UgWQyUB-9LVd-sjKcGHw3yFEW0ePMxpbM9HSDnO-jkk8oW0qIBZbPy/s1600/IMG_2406.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhyVCJ8BltP7cqWyfYtNcMoQTMvkgSwifBTUSxm7Ne-YgNEXe2iMo7ewRjhbfqxPyuECt5aQ2ieQ-fTcU9mE4MwX-UgWQyUB-9LVd-sjKcGHw3yFEW0ePMxpbM9HSDnO-jkk8oW0qIBZbPy/s640/IMG_2406.jpg" width="480" /></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">The room now lives and breathes again. It has a lovely cosy /Hygge feel to it and I sense that Heni would approve of its new usage. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Yes, the re-purposing of a room is easy... what is difficult is the re-purposing of a life in the wake of death that is the harder part. The next big challenge and adventure of creating a new me. </span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi24x-kU2-ktSO0SbzHBOTU4a39lA6P5s6L2uTs6S88a6sMWkJ5T1FukQ-iRG_F8IY8-S3msHbAp3F2l3geEveBj3upZsDpOzFCQpKnmtKwFTJyi6kzdEad1c_QGl_C82ay7rBNyikt5rYL/s1600/create.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi24x-kU2-ktSO0SbzHBOTU4a39lA6P5s6L2uTs6S88a6sMWkJ5T1FukQ-iRG_F8IY8-S3msHbAp3F2l3geEveBj3upZsDpOzFCQpKnmtKwFTJyi6kzdEad1c_QGl_C82ay7rBNyikt5rYL/s320/create.jpeg" width="220" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">But, I presume, the process of change that is ahead will have its similarities. The transformation of Heni's room from one use to another has taught me that not everything has to be discarded and thrown out. Old things have uses and reminders of who we once were ...and that is needful and reassuring. It may be harder to put new things in place as I am not such a blank canvas (bearing the marks of pevious life's lessons) but I am willing to be written on and to make life in to something new and exciting. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Even though the room is now being used as a craft room and has a new utility... it will forever be Heni's room to me... and as I move in to re-purposing my own life (looking for new ways and uses of me as a person)...I can remember that whatever I become, I will also still forever be Heni's mum. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">As I sit working on creations and pieces of work in Heni's space there is some encouragement and relief that it's not all down to me ... it's comforting to know that the maker of all is watching and is also crafting away, being the true re-purposer here... creating the version of me that He ultimately wants. Hopefully the emotions laid bare to grief will one day, again be clothed with a riot of brilliant colour, texture and a new full life. </span><br />
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<br />jadebiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06413526635637792044noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2817630757790422763.post-54082206183812932662017-02-05T00:00:00.000-08:002017-03-28T12:41:38.684-07:00My Headspace journey...<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgdIKUJ7Ume9H9itBBPjjPNlKHZ1k1xJ4N5ZB3Jp3G7VZyv_IwfM4y0H92TVDVMg_9laic-4p1X8LxedUNkEEUVlSM020ARdw3z7lfCv8xDcFgGnXqwaektL_W8mkwA_sXKl5xXVHgxDTJJ/s1600/12239539_10153180298154080_4997955017347687581_n.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="560" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgdIKUJ7Ume9H9itBBPjjPNlKHZ1k1xJ4N5ZB3Jp3G7VZyv_IwfM4y0H92TVDVMg_9laic-4p1X8LxedUNkEEUVlSM020ARdw3z7lfCv8xDcFgGnXqwaektL_W8mkwA_sXKl5xXVHgxDTJJ/s640/12239539_10153180298154080_4997955017347687581_n.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Last
post I mentioned that I would share a tool with you that I<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">'</span>ve been
using on my journey through grief... and so today I am going to tell
you a little about my experience with <a href="http://headspace./">Headspace.</a></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I originally came across the app about a year ago after reading a number of books on Mindfulness. I downloaded the app on my phone, and then did the free mindfulness based meditation sessions on the basic ten day program ...TAKE <span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">10</span> (ten sessions of just ten minutes a day). </span><br />
<a name='more'></a><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Generally
at that time I practiced them in the car while waiting to pick the kids up
from school. It was a tool that I used to help me manage the daily
stresses of dealing with life with Heni, a number of health challenges
and various other demands. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Life
then got even more complex and I started <span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">skipping</span> out on the
sessions... and I never went any further than the "freebies"... I guess
I felt like I couldn't justify taking out a subscription at that time.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> </span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Now you
can imagine that I was somewhat happy and excited to find out that my
Christmas Gift from my son and daughter in law last <span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">year </span>was a Headspace
subscription!</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">After <a href="http://henibean.blogspot.co.uk/2016/10/empty-chair-and-aching-heart.html" target="_blank">Heni passed away in October </a>I
found that my thoughts and feelings were running r<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">iot</span> and I had no
control over the grief that would wash over me each day. It seemed that
grief carried me around from one thought to another and one feeling to
another, and the negative aspects of grief (it does have some positive
aspects too!) were overwhelming. If you have undergone a bereavement you may very well agree that grief can seem to be the one in
control...instead of us learning to accept and manage "it".</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">...And
so over the last month and a half, some of my time, attention and focus
has been concentrated on using my <span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">fabulous gift and </span>working my way through the programs on the
App. </span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj7QoE2v-FPTAkzGnXOzRb6-5GAB2QFUIy22mj84uqYQ41n63iFfcYgtWV-9l96pnYyrpfcRJysVGnvuih9Ug8HrPAPf5VmdOrKvk5ht401GWlbtt6UnMf4r443qyZ9YVV_-CR4A8NLBnzs/s1600/166520_10150868757044080_1875012920_n.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="428" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj7QoE2v-FPTAkzGnXOzRb6-5GAB2QFUIy22mj84uqYQ41n63iFfcYgtWV-9l96pnYyrpfcRJysVGnvuih9Ug8HrPAPf5VmdOrKvk5ht401GWlbtt6UnMf4r443qyZ9YVV_-CR4A8NLBnzs/s640/166520_10150868757044080_1875012920_n.jpeg" width="640" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">F</span>irst, I decided to revisit the Take 10 that I'd done previously, and <span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">then</span> worked my way though
Level 2<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> <span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">and</span></span> level 3 of the foundation course<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">. I</span> then chose one of the many focus areas (Health,
performance, relationships etc) to <span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">move</span> on to next. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg8WGJHmrupBlWeyiiAosqttbvckigS1MC3Bkie2VG9BZvI1cOie6jilAXuV1VpMPDndQM39g1X7xURIT0pGcuSuZ5m9LxwNVriAn-4Us-fkbC1UsnmWNNAZq3p2g5WBEYm80CBFCPZv8ps/s1600/Screen+Shot+2017-02-02+at+19.44.53.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="318" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg8WGJHmrupBlWeyiiAosqttbvckigS1MC3Bkie2VG9BZvI1cOie6jilAXuV1VpMPDndQM39g1X7xURIT0pGcuSuZ5m9LxwNVriAn-4Us-fkbC1UsnmWNNAZq3p2g5WBEYm80CBFCPZv8ps/s640/Screen+Shot+2017-02-02+at+19.44.53.jpg" width="640" /></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQ6xRydON7tuDd0cJ7Vtx371EnnTMkp-69FLZIY3cxHjXSGoAjka9Q0Xwu7ON1wmEvhV2zgLyCqbO1FTmvLFHukFpiBmpnTj18Vs_mmUx5YPzEL1FL4XR3C2pyN8pQGwg7alsvCnbRQiu4/s1600/Screen+Shot+2017-02-02+at+19.44.33.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQ6xRydON7tuDd0cJ7Vtx371EnnTMkp-69FLZIY3cxHjXSGoAjka9Q0Xwu7ON1wmEvhV2zgLyCqbO1FTmvLFHukFpiBmpnTj18Vs_mmUx5YPzEL1FL4XR3C2pyN8pQGwg7alsvCnbRQiu4/s640/Screen+Shot+2017-02-02+at+19.44.33.jpg" width="640" /></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEju91qPDdfzZyk2w5sC5m5lKODLOxmrolaW5QskbAwZiNnYmteflFNqL1-ElBEtPDUqNRLmZxx8jc-_bsqHA4PNUWVQJm_Z_gg35o_E2NdbTuQLhSchGKKaGb4D12_DIdd63SBULa_gPUCD/s1600/Screen+Shot+2017-02-02+at+19.44.57.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="322" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEju91qPDdfzZyk2w5sC5m5lKODLOxmrolaW5QskbAwZiNnYmteflFNqL1-ElBEtPDUqNRLmZxx8jc-_bsqHA4PNUWVQJm_Z_gg35o_E2NdbTuQLhSchGKKaGb4D12_DIdd63SBULa_gPUCD/s640/Screen+Shot+2017-02-02+at+19.44.57.jpg" width="640" /></a> </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I
chose to work thr<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">ough </span>the depression package out of the health section, <span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">as </span>there was no package for grief<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">.</span> I figured that it was
probably the closest feeling/ emotion to it. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">As
you can see below you can keep check on how you progress through each
package and see how you<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> are</span> working your way though the guided sessions <span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Each day I h<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">ave been</span> <span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">practicing</span> for j<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">ust</span></span> 15 min<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">utes</span> when I wake up ... but you can change the length of the sessions and fit them in any time you want. It's
like having a gym session or <span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">rather</span> a personal
trainer for the mind.<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> N</span>ot only does my mind feel clearer and more focused to
start the day, but I'm also noticing that the pain in my back and hips
is also less after the session.... some days I just feel like I
don't want to get out of bed, but after doing my 15 minutes session it
is
easier to get up! </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I enjoy <span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">l</span>istening to Andy Puddicombe each <span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">morning</span>...</span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">e</span>ach day he subtly builds up techniques and tools</span> and I look forward to his wise pointers...<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">his</span> voice <span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">is <span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">rather</span></span> plea<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">sant</span> to
listen to too<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">!</span> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhGgdETutcMbRl3l7mVunsPAgEdny86OhqKDBbpQ6DdXORwCOTZ6YIvJacyXhPbiu0svKQAnsYxcGPtSzMpMHiINd5OXnes9DWBpfnor9FXI2ylq_VV9OoplYyfFijoaZYvlH6OOTy8mLJ4/s1600/Screen+Shot+2017-02-02+at+19.43.15.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="310" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhGgdETutcMbRl3l7mVunsPAgEdny86OhqKDBbpQ6DdXORwCOTZ6YIvJacyXhPbiu0svKQAnsYxcGPtSzMpMHiINd5OXnes9DWBpfnor9FXI2ylq_VV9OoplYyfFijoaZYvlH6OOTy8mLJ4/s640/Screen+Shot+2017-02-02+at+19.43.15.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">It can
be easier when you are dealing with grief...(any type!) to try to ignore
the feelings that come up... or you can fill you time so fully that
there is no room left for the unpleasant thoughts, feelings and pain.
Mindfulness can seem like you are sitting down doing effectively nothing
but what you are really doing is not stopping or controlling or batting away the
multilayered thoughts, but stepping backwards from them and viewing them from a
distance. We cannot change the grief that comes <span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">our way</span> but we can
gradually change how we <span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">view and </span>experience it.</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh7VNTE51DHugPlDn1PyKs9nwcxReLf92qCmlYz9x72Nb-H1dAXhc40wuBU4KbWwM1BcZrNTiiKwuH3eS43QUoSfWg02CwfQmZzVRu3JDGHVwn2Cd_dDEW2rJn_9XroIlhQ9Z7CDhYAAYhh/s1600/460454_10150639667184080_40252329_o.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="414" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh7VNTE51DHugPlDn1PyKs9nwcxReLf92qCmlYz9x72Nb-H1dAXhc40wuBU4KbWwM1BcZrNTiiKwuH3eS43QUoSfWg02CwfQmZzVRu3JDGHVwn2Cd_dDEW2rJn_9XroIlhQ9Z7CDhYAAYhh/s640/460454_10150639667184080_40252329_o.jpeg" width="640" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> </span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I am not
expecting grief to go away...I think it will highly likely pop up at
the most unexpected times in the coming years.....but what I am hoping to do
is learn how to look at it differently. This tool is <span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">slowly</span>
teaching me how to look at the thoughts, feelings and stresses in the
mind that <span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">appear</span> AND is <span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">showing me</span> how to look at them with a measure of
acceptance, not resistance. I<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> hope t<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">o</span></span> learn how to manage the thoughts and
feelings grief stirs up, a little better each day. As I progress on my Headspace
journey I am becoming more aware of the messages that they hold
for me and learning to treat myself with a higher level of compassion (rather
than frustration). I'm also gradually learning how to not be overwhelmed by
thinking and feeling them. It's a slow <span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">journey</span>... but then <span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">R</span>ome wasn't built in a day!</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">There
are lots of studies on the effects of mindfulness based stress
reduction and mindfulness based cognitive therapy ... and Headspace have
also been doing some of their own research too. If you want to check
out some of the effectiveness of mindfulness on stress, anxiety,
depression, insomnia, cancer, chronic pain and sleep you can find more
information on the Headspace website <a href="https://www.headspace.com/science/our-approach-to-meditation-science" target="_blank">here</a> . </span><br />
<br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">If
you like the sound of this App you can download the free "Take Ten" on
you computer or phone (click on the above link or <span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">go visit the</span> App store). <span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I</span>f you
really like it after practicing for ten days, I have a code that I am
happy to <span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">give</span> to the first person I pick out <span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">of a hat at </span>random. <span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">A</span>ll <span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">you have to do is</span></span> show me <span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">you</span> completed the
ten day course (a photo of the screen shot of your <span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">T</span>ake <span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">10</span> jo<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">urney)</span> and write to tell me how it helped! </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I
earned the code by meditating for 30 days in a row and I have no
affiliation to Headspace ... (I just wanted to recognize a useful tool
that has been helping me on my grief journey. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">So why not have a go... see if you like it... or better still see if it helps you in any way...</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Hope to hear from you in ten days!</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Jx</span><br />
<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi19Q0s0YwPQjp_Oi1I9dnlnmBT43S1NOUVXoVYjqjJwTYN0wNN4xbZCrorhXjxe6w9dL9VVMUadoZ7sPJAYguns0aR9hG3kCwhVWg7iDW5VUCl7DWRhhlr5WHhNdYZUsK3VjBeOSHptVjI/s1600/Screen+Shot+2017-02-02+at+20.09.13.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="159" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi19Q0s0YwPQjp_Oi1I9dnlnmBT43S1NOUVXoVYjqjJwTYN0wNN4xbZCrorhXjxe6w9dL9VVMUadoZ7sPJAYguns0aR9hG3kCwhVWg7iDW5VUCl7DWRhhlr5WHhNdYZUsK3VjBeOSHptVjI/s320/Screen+Shot+2017-02-02+at+20.09.13.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<br />jadebiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06413526635637792044noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2817630757790422763.post-9571249620023630242017-01-21T00:00:00.000-08:002017-03-28T12:41:53.168-07:00Back to Basics...<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg6Ch_b__TcabVe6nraJUE2ZQbOoWLlTFtyqEADkn3lVo3pTD8z0pargEijkKTgD5XNnCY51VJP0gTIvN8OMh7ZXq19Lj8dJcdNKl1maq6DMi3n8Hf6cIDl2Ir-MnE55hJq-V5SBiQA0Jum/s1600/IMG_2382.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg6Ch_b__TcabVe6nraJUE2ZQbOoWLlTFtyqEADkn3lVo3pTD8z0pargEijkKTgD5XNnCY51VJP0gTIvN8OMh7ZXq19Lj8dJcdNKl1maq6DMi3n8Hf6cIDl2Ir-MnE55hJq-V5SBiQA0Jum/s640/IMG_2382.jpg" width="480" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I know a lot of people who are grieving for loved ones right now... and I'm sure that there are even more of you out there who are dealing with it too. It is a life passage that most of us face at some point.... and thereafter on more numerous occasions as we age and see loved ones pass on. It's an experience that is similar.. but also very different for each person, however, there are a few common things that may help "everyone" while passing through the hurt and healing. </span><br />
<a name='more'></a><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">A month or two before <a href="http://henibean.blogspot.co.uk/2016/10/empty-chair-and-aching-heart.html#more" target="_blank">Heni passed away.</a>... I found myself having to revert "back to basics" in practically all areas of life. In the time that I had as respite, I was trying to work on a number of things in order to try to feel somewhat human and keep going. Things like diet, sleep, fitness... I had reverted back to a "begin to run program", in hope that it would build up stamina and strength again. It was the same with "weights".... I had reverted to the basic movements with teeny weeny dumbbells or even no weight at all! It was about all I could muster as I was dealing with the consequences (burn out) that being a long term carer often brings. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I also found that I was having to rely upon faith.... A LOT .... faith... that first/basic principle of the gospel that gets you trusting and relying on the unseen and unknown.... (a useful principle especially in our circumstances)... having faith that everything in our lives would all work out .... having faith that we would have enough help when we needed it most, having faith that I would have enough energy to make it through each day. With that faith came a "handing over to God" each days difficulties, and trusting and hoping that He would support and guide each decision that would come along... and learning to have faith in heaven's plan and timing.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Now in the aftermath of the funeral and in the few months that have followed, I'm finding that life is even MORE BASIC. It feels like I have had to go right back to starting point in a number of things. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I've joined a local Pilates class (where my body is being stretched and strengthened in all the core movements)..... I'm back to walking instead of running (while my back heals and realigns after so many years of lifting and handling Heni).... and each new day I remind myself to eat properly (by cooking from scratch), breathe and get the sleep my body needs. Faith is also being exercised in a greater degree than before
as I rely even more on the enabling, uplifting help of heaven to overcome the waves of grief, to become stronger (physically and emotionally) and to navigate a way into a different life ahead. I rely on Grace
being supplied, as and when the ups and downs of my days may demand (I just love the lyrics in that <a href="https://www.lds.org/music/library/hymns/how-firm-a-foundation?lang=eng" target="_blank">song...How Firm a Foundation!</a>) </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> It's a certainty that we will all experience grief at some stage and even if its not around right now...no doubt we all have those moments in life when it is just too complex, too fast, too full or too emotionally fraught to find a moment to even think. It's at times like this, that it may be helpful to narrow your sights, pull in the reins and concentrate on the next step or two ahead... even if you don't know where those steps are leading. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">We are all ultimately trying to "do" and "be" better.... but that is often mistaken
for constant frenzied activity that leaves you feeling exhausted.....grief can leave you feeling frazzled too. You can
also find yourself on a guilt trip which leaves you feeling like you should
be doing more and more or snapping out of the flunk that you may find yourself in. It's At times like this when greater faith and a heightened awareness of what you need can help. It's useful to know when you should "cut that extra social appointment"..... "be satisfied with a less than Olympic workout" and replace it with a walk or a chill out on the sofa. Its important to tune in to the times your body and mind are screaming out to catch some much needed zzzz'z in a nap .... or when you need a concerted effort to get to bed earlier each night. We all really need to learn how to say "No" sometimes.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">And so... we have to reassess and find our what our priorities are.... and work on those... after all there is a time and a season for everything.... even one to grieve. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Time does heal... eventually... but it will never be the same...and it often takes a different pace for everyone to find out what that new "norm" (if there is such a thing) is going to be like. Sometimes people may expect too much from you way too soon..... when it feels like you are still not capable of doing the basics yet. It is at such moments that it's good to be reminded of the following:- </span><br />
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<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/mosiah/4.27?lang=eng#26" target="_blank"> </a><span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;"><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/mosiah/4.27?lang=eng#26" target="_blank"><span class="verse">Mosiah 4:27 </span></a>And see that all these things are done in wisdom and order; for it is not requisite that a man should run faster
than he has strength. And again, it is expedient that he should be
diligent, that thereby he might win the prize; therefore, all things
must be done in order.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> The passage through grief is a time when you have to know (or at least come to learn) your limits, how to maintain your boundaries and priorities and trust your instincts as to what is needful. It's important to remember that things will change and can be re-assessed and adjusted as necessary when the time is right. It's unfortunate though, that we often have to go through these very hard experiences to learn these boundaries and begin to have faith in our instincts!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> Going back to basics is really "simplifying" and taking the noise and frenzy out of life....</span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> focusing on the core essentials, which (like my Pilates) allows you to</span> build up your foundation again before moving on to other things. Simplifying is not however always synonymous with "easier". Grief is never easy and saying "no" is often not very easy either.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">So, If
you are currently navigating your way through the tides of a bereavement... I wish I could first just
give you a hug... and then...I'd encourage you to be easy on yourself and give yourself the gift of time to heal. Time to concentrate on those things that are most
needful and important at this point in time.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"></span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Also I would wish for you the gift of increased faith as you </span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">hand over</span> each days difficulties to God, trusting and
hoping that He will support and guide each of your decision ... as you learn to trust in His plan, His timing and His never ending love and concern for you.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> Jx</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I'd like to invite you to join me soon to learn more about one of the "basic tools" that I have been practicing recently to re-tame my thoughts and emotions.... in particular regarding Heni and my journey through the process of grief.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Hope to see you back here real soon.</span><br />
<br />jadebiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06413526635637792044noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2817630757790422763.post-12279115475310547222017-01-07T00:00:00.000-08:002017-02-08T09:59:10.797-08:00 2017...relaxing in to your own pace... of grief....<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhKcyA17_GEg2kuizQkooESk5-YwDnk8OXOHONvnm2PzmlYrBdYMy18jTMOJhQQmOobR2SD3CCLK_8QvklekI4RLD3PWABozACzEvlRhyhL6NVWoc2RjzjBY4USl3vnnYr00UeFOAuPj_6-/s1600/IMG_2220.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhKcyA17_GEg2kuizQkooESk5-YwDnk8OXOHONvnm2PzmlYrBdYMy18jTMOJhQQmOobR2SD3CCLK_8QvklekI4RLD3PWABozACzEvlRhyhL6NVWoc2RjzjBY4USl3vnnYr00UeFOAuPj_6-/s640/IMG_2220.jpg" width="640" /></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I wasn't really looking forward to Christmas this year... but I did my best on the run up to the big day to prepare for the rest of the family so that we could all hopefully have a nice relaxing and somewhat "fun" time together...However, It's been difficult to get into the jolly mindset when most of the time all I feel is a sense of grief. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I haven't felt much like writing over this period either....mostly I've just wanted to hide away, be quiet and contemplate... but I did try to spend time with my lovely family ... </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">We watched films....ate food.... (and no I'm not drowning my sorrows away in the pic below... its ginger beer!)</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> .... we sweated out all the Christmas treats by sitting in<a href="http://henibean.blogspot.co.uk/2016/03/sanity-space-for-hubby-suana-project.html" target="_blank"> The Sauna </a>together (in our new sauna hats that my son and daughter in law gave as gifts... (we can now officially be called the Gnome family!) </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">We visited the lights at <a href="http://www.kew.org/visit-kew-gardens/whats-on/christmas-at-kew-2016" target="_blank">Kew gardens </a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">(A Gift of light and love and togetherness from Heni to the family....she would have loved it...)</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">...and we have been on some lovely scenic walks.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">We played games by the fire indoors....</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">...roasted marshmallows over the fire pit outside... </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">...and spent some time catching up with a few friends. Surprisingly, I also did have that opportunity to hide away and spend some "chill out and contemplate" time enjoying reading a few books.... something I haven't had a chance to do very much of lately.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> One of the books I read was a gift I received for Christmas....it's called the <a href="https://www.amazon.co.uk/Little-Book-Hygge-Danish-Penguin/dp/0241283914" target="_blank">Little book of Hygge </a>(sounds like Hooga but I like to call it Hoogy!) by Meik Wiking. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I had never heard the term before but as I look around now, it seems to be talked about everywhere. The Danes are experts at it.... and at this time of year (mid winter ..... although the "hoogy" factor can be felt year round) it is particularly good time to practice it.... if that's what you do!? The main idea is one of creating cosyness, comfort and intimacy and enjoying the little pleasures in life... such as the simple experience of drinking cocoa by the fire and being in the presence of people we love .... it is having a sense of atmosphere and the feeling of "home". </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> I guess without realizing it... our family, fire and candlelit time this year all created a very Hygge Christmas... the only major</span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> Hygge element still missing </span>was <a href="http://henibean.blogspot.co.uk/2016/02/henis-story-part-4.html" target="_blank">Heni (see her story here</a> <a href="http://henibean.blogspot.co.uk/2016/10/empty-chair-and-aching-heart.html" target="_blank">here</a><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> and <a href="http://henibean.blogspot.co.uk/2016/11/it-could-be-worse.html" target="_blank">here</a></span> )... and she was noticeably absent. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> It was a different Christmas..... I enjoyed the "highs" of all the other "hoogy" moments.... but I was also very conscious of her lack of presence this year... the lack of her rolling in the wrapping paper, her noises and giggles as she would play with her toys while we all opened gifts.... her smiles and hugs and her traditional nap time....sleeping peacefully on the mattress under the lights of the Christmas tree....she taught me a lot about slowing down and being here and now. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> </span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I learned a few more things about slowing down<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> from </span></span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">t</span>he other book I managed to read (one my son was in the middle of reading).... </span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><a href="https://www.amazon.co.uk/d/Books/Praise-Slow-Worldwide-Movement-Challenging-Cult-Speed/0752864149" target="_blank">In Praise of SLOW </a>by Carl Honore</span>.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">para<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">doxically</span></span>, in my race against the clock and hurry to read the
book I woul<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">d try to</span> cram in a few cha<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">pters here and there whene<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">ver he left it lying around </span></span>(before he took it back home again<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">!</span>) </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> We live in a society where everything is speeding up faster and faster .......Carl points out that we are all becoming overextended in all areas of life as the increasing pace of life is becoming the norm and illness and burnout are on the rise.... as we fill ourselves with the busyness of life there is no space left to take time to look at the deeper questions of life or to check in with how we are feeling.... physically or emotionally. <span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">W</span>e skim over or hide the irritations, frustrations, stress and signs of disharmony and disorder that go hidden... bubbling under the surface...</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">With the emergence of today's lifestyles of speed walking, speed dialing, speed dating, speed reading and all other forms of speed.....the reader is reminded for the need and blessings that come with slowing down. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> Reading this book brought a timely <span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">intimation </span>to me that you can't rush grief either...you can't just skim over the emotions that loss and death bring and try not to feel them. Hiding them or boxing them away will only mean they will rear their ugly head again further down the line in the future. Likewise, everyone's pace is different... and there is nothing wrong with that. It's important to "find your own pace" in grief and move forwards only as and when you are ready. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">So the "Hoogy" and the "Slow" this Christmas was just what I needed to emphasize to me the importance of not feeling guilty, for still "feeling" Heni's loss so acutely. It was a lesson to trust the process, and that just because others may be further ahead than me, it is still very early days... and it's all ok. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Now, when others ask me how I'm adjusting, I can tell them that I'm going with the flow and taking the TIME that I need right now to move through the various stages of grief... that it's a journey to be experienced and not skipped over and fast tracked... that there is something for everyone to learn in the process and <span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">passage</span> through it... and that by going too fast you can miss <span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">the lessons</span>. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I'm also trying to take the time to look for the many "hoogy" factors and to enjoy the moments of comfort, cosyness and love and togetherness with family and friends... and appreciate and <span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">savour </span>the simple pleasures of life that are still all around me. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Its been a very sad time these past few month<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">s for the Trisomy <span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">groups</span>... there have been a lot of our children called home (and others who have lost <span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">loved ones in the wider community). <span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">A</span>mid all th<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">e loss</span> however, </span></span></span>I hope that you all had a relaxing and hygge Christmas <span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">and enjoyed your precious fami<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">lies</span></span> ...and... I <span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">pray</span> that as <span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">you</span> move forwards into this new year ahead you can feel confident to live life at your own beat and not feel pressured to move at someone else's pace... </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Wishing you all a very happy, healthy, "hoogy" and "slow" new year.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Until next time</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Jx</span><br />
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jadebiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06413526635637792044noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2817630757790422763.post-85843028340576054302016-12-22T00:00:00.000-08:002017-02-08T09:59:37.246-08:00A different kind of Christmas<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I've just finished looking through a mountain of photographs of Christmas over the years..... and have been re-living a life time of fun moments that we have shared together as a family with Heni. I am so grateful to have all of these memories.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">This Christmas it's going to be different without her.... and we will be making new and different memories... and in that "different" kind of Christmas celebration I am looking for ways to honour and to remember her in our family festivities this year. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">One of the things I want to do, is for everyone to write a letter to Heni to put in her stocking...it's still hanging above the fire place...just like usual....</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> In years ahead it will become a family history treasure to look back on and read about the things that we have done during the years. It will be a blessing to read of ways in which we have noticed Heni's influence and legacy in our lives. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I can't quite believe that its been two months since I last saw her beautiful smiley face and I can't help but think of her and imagine her reactions as I see the lights and the sparkles that are all around. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I am trying to see things anew.... with new eyes.... eyes that Heni would look through....to see the bright colours, the shiny baubles that reflect the light, to see the toys and the magic. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Just the other day I had the urge to buy a pink fluffy flamingo because I knew she would have loved it. </span>Heni enjoyed all of the Christmas presents she would receive..........but more that that, she liked and "preferred" the gift of time and presence.... to be with you, love you and be fully present.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> So with that in mind, I am trying to see people as I think Heni would see them and I try to imagine in my minds eye the smile of joy that would cross her face when anyone would draw near. It was the gift of being "present" that she would bestow on everyone. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Heni was a joyful soul.... but she didn't reserve her joy for Just this time of year though.... every day was like Christmas to Heni.... she had a smile that was like an excited child awaiting the fun and frivolities and present opening that lay ahead and she gave the gift of her full presence each and every day. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Capturing joy seemed easy for Heni... if was a gift... a precious gift. One that I wish that I could have in my stocking this year and switch on at any time and place... no matter what. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Joy seems to be counter clockwise to grief... but I am learning that even amid those waves of emotion and pain that lap up on the shore of life... I am noticing that there are still moments of joy and gratitude amid the ebb and flow of the tide.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I am looking forward to the family being together in a few days time..... and in that time, hoping to practice the gift giving of being present like Heni always did. I am a novice compared to "H" but I am hoping to get a little better. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I also have a goal to notice the moments of joy that arrive .... and in that, being thankful for Heni's legacy of love that she left behind for us to work and build upon. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I hope that in your Christmas celebrations this year ... no matter what is going on in your life... you can look out for those joyous moments too.... and enjoy them no matter how fleeting. Remember to give those you love a hug and tell them that you love them .... and why not give a little "presence" giving too.... life is too short not to.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I hope that you all have a wonderful Christmas..... and in your present and presence giving, AND joy noticing, I hope that you will also take time out to remember the reason for the season and look to the source of those gifts.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">From me to you, and from my family to yours, I wish you the very best of times...</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Have a very joy filled Christmas...</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Much love</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Jx </span><br />
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<br />jadebiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06413526635637792044noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2817630757790422763.post-14243930558162747472016-11-27T00:00:00.000-08:002017-02-08T09:59:55.206-08:00LIGHTtheWORLD<br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">This week we enjoyed a family day out to Waddesdon Manor.... a local National Trust property near where we live. We've visited it every year for a number of years now and look forward to it as part of our Christmas traditions and a way of getting us in to the festive spirit. We enjoy going to see the house, trees, lights and doing some Christmas shopping at the wooden cabin "market" set in the grounds around the Manor. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">This year it is particularly lovely as they have <a href="https://waddesdon.org.uk/whats-on/dazzle-at-waddesdon/" target="_blank">dazzle@waddesdon going on. </a>The outside of the house (and trees surrounding it) are all lit up and bathed in rainbow coloured lights <span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">that</span> change....choreographed to Bach and Tchaikovsky. As you walk around the grounds there are also 9000 glass spheres planted in the aviary garden (the largest <a href="https://waddesdon.org.uk/whats-on/bruce-munro-field-of-light/" target="_blank">Bruce Munro </a>display of lights at Waddesdon). It is all a real sensory treat... one which Heni would have loved.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">As we enjoyed the light show, </span>the experience brought up a mix of emotions...joy at the lights and the festivities... but sadness as I was reminded of Heni's absence. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Heni was a huge "light" ... her smile lit up hearts and conveyed love to all... and she brightened our lives and home. Now she is not longer with us, it seems light a light has gone out....and the world is a little darker than it was before. We are not onl<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">y bereaved of her presence but of <span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">the</span> <span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">brightness</span> and joy she ex<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">uded .</span></span> As I contemplate missing HER light this year.... as the Christmas season approaches fast, I now have an urge to fill our home with an array of other "different "lights.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Hence, I am looking forward to illuminating our home with the Christmas tree lights, candles, the shiny baubles on the <a href="http://henibean.blogspot.co.uk/2015/11/sanity-space-advent-tree-part-1.html" target="_blank">Names of Christ advent tree </a>and becoming involved in the new #LIGHTtheWORLD campaign going on from the 1st to 25th December. None of these will ever replace Heni's light... but the service ideas (to share the light of Christ and serve others as He served) can be a reminder to us all that Jesus Christ is the light of the world and only He can bring the light into dark places... </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;"> <span style="font-size: 11pt;">Then spake Jesus again unto them, saying, I am the <b>light of the world</b>: he that followeth me shall not walk in darkness, but shall have the light of life. (John 8:12) </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Since that new star appeared above Bethlehem all those years ago, Christmas has served as a symbol of light to many people. This year more than ever I need that light to dispel the gloom. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I hope that you will feel inclined to join me this advent and take a look at the video above. </span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">F</span>or information on service ideas you can also click here <a href="https://www.mormon.org.uk/?cid=email-IN_Christmas_112516_LTW" target="_blank">#LIGHTtheWORLD<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">.</span></a> </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">In doing so, I hope that you will be able to feel of His light and be inspired to follow His example... and kindle a desire to serve others in the 25 ways on 25 days that are suggested. In doing so, maybe this Christmas we can all make the world a lighter, brighter place, just like He did<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">.</span> </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Jx </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">If you would like to see some more pictures of our Waddeson day... in particular the amazing reproduction of the Manor house in "ginger bread" you can scroll below... </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">The Gingerbread Tree</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> The book tree</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">The Paper Tree </span></div>
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<h3 class="share__title">
</h3>
jadebiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06413526635637792044noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2817630757790422763.post-3084045657264020922016-11-19T00:00:00.000-08:002016-12-22T04:16:02.273-08:00Equipment quandries!<div dir="ltr" id="yiv3094525859yui_3_16_0_ym19_1_1479391165040_60348">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br clear="none" /></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br clear="none" /></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br clear="none" /></span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" id="yiv3094525859yui_3_16_0_ym19_1_1479391165040_60348">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">The hardest thing to cope with </span></span><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">after
the death of a special needs child is adjusting to the lack of their
presence and love being in your home. After so many years of caring for
them.... the adjustment to their "void" and to a different "way" of
life is very slow and awkward.</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" id="yiv3094525859yui_3_16_0_ym19_1_1479391165040_60348">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">It's
made harder by the mountain of equipment that's left behind... a living
memorial of that life, each and every day it remains there.</span></span><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> </span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" id="yiv3094525859yui_3_16_0_ym19_1_1479391165040_60348">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">It's
not that you don't want to be reminded of your precious child... you
do...you want to remember every smile, every sound, every hug and nuance
of who they were... AND be reminded of the joy, the lessons and the
good times that they brought to you. </span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" id="yiv3094525859yui_3_16_0_ym19_1_1479391165040_60348">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">What
you don't want, is the remembrance of all the fights for care and
equipment.... <span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">and</span> the headaches and energy spent on trying to source and
meet those needs... </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">H</span>av<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">ing</span> to </span></span><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">walk daily past a room still full of those reminders is painful. </span></span></span></span><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> </span></span><br />
<a name='more'></a><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">You
would think that <span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">almost 6</span> weeks later it would all be gone... picked up...
moved on to those still in need..... re<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">-</span>circulated to other families who are fighting and searching to meet their </span></span><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">own child's care and </span></span>equipment needs. <span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> </span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">F</span>or us, that wait continues....we are <span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">STILL </span>waiting for the varying "relevant" departments to come pick up the pieces of equipment they supplied....</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" id="yiv3094525859yui_3_16_0_ym19_1_1479391165040_60348">
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><b>....<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">B<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">ut</span> </span>also, it is a proc<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">ess of</span> us getting together the mental and physical energy to deal with
some of the "other bits" (that belong to us), that we want to and need to sell on. </b></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" id="yiv3094525859yui_3_16_0_ym19_1_1479391165040_60348">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I
don't normally sell anything from this blog... it's just a tool for my
musings, thoughts and learning from life on how to maintain balance
amid challenges... but today I hope you will humour me as I put out an
advertisement for some of the equipment we bought, that we need to let go of....
and that we hope will make someone else's life easier. </span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" id="yiv3094525859yui_3_16_0_ym19_1_1479391165040_60348">
</div>
<div dir="ltr" id="yiv3094525859yui_3_16_0_ym19_1_1479391165040_60348">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I
realise that this is probably very irrelevant for any readers anywhere
other than those who live in England...although, I hope that perh<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">aps </span>you "other readers" may
like the look of a piece and be motivated to source your own from
somewhere nearer to you! </span></span></div>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" id="yiv3094525859yui_3_16_0_ym19_1_1479391165040_60348">
<div dir="ltr" id="yiv3094525859yui_3_16_0_ym19_1_1479391165040_60349">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Here are the three items for sale:-</span></span></div>
</div>
<div dir="ltr" id="yiv3094525859yui_3_16_0_ym19_1_1479391165040_60348">
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><b>1.
Pacific bath/ shower trolley by Dolphin.</b>.... bought for almost 6,000.00
(pounds) and only filled with water once to trial it.... never used
after this
as we couldn't find a plumber to adapt our utility room<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> : (</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> </span>All details can
be found in my blog post on s<a href="http://henibean.blogspot.co.uk/2016/05/special-needs-equipment-henis-new-bath.html" target="_blank">pecial needs equipment- Henis new bath! </a> </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></span>
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">There is a pdf link to all specifications here <a href="http://www.dolphinlifts.co.uk/images/library/documents/Shower_Bath_Leaflet.pdf" id="yiv3094525859yui_3_16_0_ym19_1_1479391165040_62319" rel="nofollow" shape="rect" target="_blank">http://www.dolphinlifts.co.uk/images/library/documents/Shower_Bath_Leaflet.pdf</a> offers in the region of 4,500 ...</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">It is "as new"<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> an<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">d in </span></span>pristine condition. </span></span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg4R-N6bqAyVo0Nd_rKBEVun8TzEHmadgKlWTXsD-3O-eQC6_oxQvzaHCXepLu1nK2riol90MN34NDH-3UKvbYjVfcp2PkHchj2dovhUYa0OazrNw5M2hvmOWmWla7lq1s6ZLlPG2mWR2F5/s1600/IMG_8187.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg4R-N6bqAyVo0Nd_rKBEVun8TzEHmadgKlWTXsD-3O-eQC6_oxQvzaHCXepLu1nK2riol90MN34NDH-3UKvbYjVfcp2PkHchj2dovhUYa0OazrNw5M2hvmOWmWla7lq1s6ZLlPG2mWR2F5/s400/IMG_8187.jpg" width="300" /></a></div>
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<img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwwVPlWxJTuHxMCtFgUwUXemEmgTqjqG4UjrxLXy2eMo2avO0x5AUc-1nbHezhMKTfV5NnLqrK1W2nqZVG8mkV30qGy1fcuIzt1hCoIL5rH_8nBKW_UE_qp831xLeupwquiWMvWoLS5Yfp/s640/IMG_0053.jpg" width="480" /></div>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> </span></span><br />
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<div dir="ltr" id="yiv3094525859yui_3_16_0_ym19_1_1479391165040_60392">
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><b>2.
Tumble form car/airline seat</b> FAA approved for airline travel. Used on
about three trips. light weight, very durable, great condition. Has all
the dimensions on the pictures attached. Originally around 800 pounds new ...</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" id="yiv3094525859yui_3_16_0_ym19_1_1479391165040_62393">
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Asking around 400 </span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhOuE5DtFkdWm9bpu0Aji5U_cAzp099nzBMZP8uk6JOeO-_AkTnBu68gk6h1QEf_YpehMYG8VX_RRU2DIVPVLvuqYrZ7aDc45WEL7-RW1PNOnfoENfmiySfwPZEBjl0DV7frnCyOB-mLx8P/s1600/IMG_1608.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhOuE5DtFkdWm9bpu0Aji5U_cAzp099nzBMZP8uk6JOeO-_AkTnBu68gk6h1QEf_YpehMYG8VX_RRU2DIVPVLvuqYrZ7aDc45WEL7-RW1PNOnfoENfmiySfwPZEBjl0DV7frnCyOB-mLx8P/s640/IMG_1608.JPG" width="480" /></a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjbBeyl0ktokVt1VBJWgoWkQvKZunZdvDRIZ-pR3aDJKOWvVK1cG3Y4arlCyuDPlQZT94Z-dLJnk-zH1_5LZkAv_aqMmoCIUR9JYCEt0aDSJ7-0rfQw9FpBYBwzyq0MAOP6Y8earOEOd5u4/s1600/IMG_1609.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjbBeyl0ktokVt1VBJWgoWkQvKZunZdvDRIZ-pR3aDJKOWvVK1cG3Y4arlCyuDPlQZT94Z-dLJnk-zH1_5LZkAv_aqMmoCIUR9JYCEt0aDSJ7-0rfQw9FpBYBwzyq0MAOP6Y8earOEOd5u4/s640/IMG_1609.JPG" width="480" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">3. <b>Independence max special needs buggy </b>which is suitable for a growing child. It Has
two foot-well options which can extend the length. Currently has the
longer foot-well on it. Also has two sizes of rain cover (one to fit
each foot-well). It includes a sheepskin and tyre pump. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> </span><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Original details of the buggy are found here:- <a class="yiv3094525859enhancr2_6978a404-0f72-d8f7-7653-81c3d38d6304" href="http://www.specialneedspushchairs.co.uk/babyjogger_independence_max.htm" id="yiv3094525859yui_3_16_0_ym19_1_1479391165040_65620" rel="nofollow" shape="rect" target="_blank">Independence MAX Special Needs Pushchair</a> In very good condition... even after <span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">some</span> lovely walks! Originally 795.00 pounds... <span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">asking</span> 450.00 </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">You can see it featured in a
number of posts here on the blog <a class="yiv3094525859enhancr2_88e55669-4e07-ba9d-e524-a044e92ae556" href="http://henibean.blogspot.co.uk/2015/04/walking-with-wheelchairs-wilstone.html" id="yiv3094525859yui_3_16_0_ym19_1_1479391165040_62324" rel="nofollow" shape="rect" target="_blank">Walking with wheelchairs - Wilstone /Tringford/ Startops reservoirs</a> and </span></span></span><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><a class="yiv3094525859enhancr2_c8450260-5570-2be5-82b4-3cca71ab19e7" href="http://henibean.blogspot.co.uk/2015/05/walking-with-wheelchairs-grasmere-lake.html" id="yiv3094525859yui_3_16_0_ym19_1_1479391165040_62450" rel="nofollow" shape="rect" target="_blank">Walking with wheelchairs - Grasmere Lake from Rydal Car park.</a></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">These
are all big items, so ideally a "pick up" is required... if not, shipping costs
would be in addition. You are
very welcome to view these items. Please get in touch via <a href="https://www.facebook.com/Henibean-158755564312371/" target="_blank">facebook message </a></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I
know that there are some families out there that can really benefit from these
pieces and I hope this post can find those special individuals to whom this equipment can be of use.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I
just want to thank you all for taking the time to read this and hope
you will continue to support me in my next focus in the coming months ahead.....of trying to find a
"new balance" amid the challenge of now learning to live without Heni. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Thanks so much ...</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Jx</span></span></div>
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<tr role="presentation"> <td role="presentation"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">P.S. Hopefully "The System" will get its act together and come pick up their bits real soon too!</span></td> </tr>
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jadebiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06413526635637792044noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2817630757790422763.post-66258364255656289752016-11-12T00:00:00.000-08:002016-12-22T04:16:32.347-08:00100% ?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhXiATEKUvbvxLJSLhHIkQZ_yyOspiDX3jJSiFygHQvSa35RKQpAa5SbR7qYH5T6uDDJ4CC85uTNEKpSNLwItxI580LnmsJBThsgQvpJpuKg6zf1rDs8PyltHJi1uxAAQZkaPQqaxMKAblD/s1600/Screen+Shot+2016-11-11+at+11.52.16.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="448" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhXiATEKUvbvxLJSLhHIkQZ_yyOspiDX3jJSiFygHQvSa35RKQpAa5SbR7qYH5T6uDDJ4CC85uTNEKpSNLwItxI580LnmsJBThsgQvpJpuKg6zf1rDs8PyltHJi1uxAAQZkaPQqaxMKAblD/s640/Screen+Shot+2016-11-11+at+11.52.16.jpg" width="640" /></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> It's the middle of the night and again I sit here not sleeping... thinking of Heni.... analyzing her life and the life we've lived with her over the past 21 years.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Earlier this evening I was looking at photos of the children when they were all younger... reminiscing of old times and feeling a sense of sadness. It was a feeling of having missed out on seeing my babies grow and having missed a lot of their childhood because of the time that it took to care for Heni's needs... especially in those early years. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I've also been missing her and feeling a sense of guilt for not being able to give out 100% throughout those years to either her or my other kids. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">However, as I have been sitting here, a picture crossed my mind of years earlier (prior to any children), when I would go down to the athletics track to train. My coach would line us all up with a schedule each evening and would vary the workouts on each training session. Sometimes in the winter it would be a slow, longer run to build up stamina. Sometimes it would be a weights session to build strength. As the seasons changed so would the workouts. Sometimes he would give a pyramid of runs (3 x 2oom, 2x300, 1x400 and then back down again) and each run would have a percentage exertion level to aim for. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">As time for competition approached, the training distances shortened and the intensity increased to build speed and agility... but always the exertion level would only ever range between 60-90%.... we were only ever asked to give out 100% effort in the odd sessions during the few month prior to the competition ....followed by a light few weeks.... and then during the race itself. <b>We were never asked to give out 100% effort for 100% of the time. </b>That would have been totally unrealistic and even dangerous....resulting in fatigue, burnout and injury.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhfoiHGgdvr9GAVQHOeXDsAzbiYvkS0upphelZQS2nUb5-EUS6jObsLjpwRkTEtaNDLHtPKEsQ6ptNr2j-re00X9GRDb12mUI-dEvrH1SN6jr8xgoaVMVyfFbzQzTyyX2gf3m0Lw0ipq-17/s1600/IMG_1817.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="464" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhfoiHGgdvr9GAVQHOeXDsAzbiYvkS0upphelZQS2nUb5-EUS6jObsLjpwRkTEtaNDLHtPKEsQ6ptNr2j-re00X9GRDb12mUI-dEvrH1SN6jr8xgoaVMVyfFbzQzTyyX2gf3m0Lw0ipq-17/s640/IMG_1817.jpg" width="640" /></a></span></div>
<br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> It made me appreciate how unrealistic my expectation of giving out my best effort 100% of the time during the 21 years of caring for Heni actually is/was. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">The thoughts of these early years athletics training allowed me to see
that the race we had to run with Heni was a long one, far
longer than we thought it would ever be. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">At the start of the 21 years we thought the race was going to be a short sprint... but then we began to perceive that the race and training schedule was changing. We had to start running for longer and cut the intensity level down somehow. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">We realised that you can't sprint flat out <b>all</b> the time. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">During these longer races you do often still have to do some sprints at "all out effort" and then <b>still</b> carry on running though! Multiple times you think you can see the end of the race, but the tape is moved and you have to keep going to the new finishing line. Most of the time you don't actually know where that line is... it is a forever moving target and you have to keep on running not knowing when you can stop. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">The % exertion/effort, is forever changing up and down, day to day. At times you have to give 200% and feel totally winded by the all out effort ....at other times all you can do is crawl along at snails pace trying to keep going... at each point it's still your best
effort and all you can possibly do. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">At points along the run... you have to jump many hurdles and at points (if you are lucky) it morphs into a relay race....with the baton constantly changing from hand to hand between yourself, your partner and perhaps a team of carers... allowing for those precious pauses to catch your breath before you need to be off running again. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjEDZ9U6RPgWU79pzIK6wrRnv-24RAroRTq2GfGcESnwW1PBZL7Yykh18ranaXfedQcEKUh8c441UNZOOSkVdbHzvVKXg-KFLcfja0isbqhWGwAS1JrTubFAcmhjg-iGNj-o6VtSFb9LXRO/s1600/IMG_1813.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="496" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjEDZ9U6RPgWU79pzIK6wrRnv-24RAroRTq2GfGcESnwW1PBZL7Yykh18ranaXfedQcEKUh8c441UNZOOSkVdbHzvVKXg-KFLcfja0isbqhWGwAS1JrTubFAcmhjg-iGNj-o6VtSFb9LXRO/s640/IMG_1813.jpg" width="640" /></a></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">It's just plain impossible (and not expected) to give out 100% effort 100% of the time. We are not expected to run faster than we have strength. Fatigue, burnout and injury are just as common in this style of race and
sometimes you have to pace yourself, pass that baton and train and run wise. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> At each stage...all that matters is that you are still in the race and didn't give in. Whether it
be running... giving out 40%, 60%,100%, 200%... or even if you are crawling or sitting on the side lines recovering. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">It reminds me somewhat of the scripture.....</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">"I have fought a good fight, I have
finished the course, I have kept the faith" (2 Timothy 4:7)
. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">You just have to be dedicated to show up at
the track every day... even to do the lightest schedule and shown full commitment till the race has finished. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> </span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"></span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">My athletics coach always had a plan and knew the purpose and outcome he desired to each and every training session. We relied up on his wisdom and experience to build us up and get us to where we needed to be. Likewise, I have firm faith and belief that my greatest coach of all... even my Heavenly father also has a plan and a purpose in our lives with Heni....</span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I can
see that the training schedule has constantly changed along the way and at
times He was building our stamina, at times strength and at other times
agility and speed.</span>... but most of all He has been building up our reliance upon Him.... and I know that He will not let us down and will get us to where we ultimately need to be. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"></span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Now </span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">after my midnight analysis,</span>
and as our particular (earthly) run with Heni has finished, I look back on the
race... </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I feel like we did what we were capable of at each stage...</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">we continued on at the pace and effort we could muster on any given
day...</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">and as I look forwards to the future I know that God will direct the future as he has the past.....</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">....</span>and that faith in Him is all that is really ever required. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> Jx</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">If you would like to know more about Heni you can read</span>:-<br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Heni's story part 1 <a href="http://henibean.blogspot.co.uk/2015/04/henis-story-part-1.html" target="_blank">here</a></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Heni's story part 2 <a href="http://henibean.blogspot.co.uk/2015/05/henis-story-part-2.html" target="_blank">here</a></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Heni's story part 3 <a href="http://henibean.blogspot.co.uk/2015/07/heni-story-part-3.html" target="_blank">here</a></span>
<br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Heni's story part 4 <a href="http://henibean.blogspot.co.uk/2016/02/henis-story-part-4.html" target="_blank">here</a></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Heni's 21st <a href="http://henibean.blogspot.co.uk/2016/07/21-today.html" target="_blank">here</a></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Empy chair and an aching heart <a href="http://henibean.blogspot.co.uk/2016/10/empty-chair-and-aching-heart.html" target="_blank">here </a></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">It could be worse <a href="http://henibean.blogspot.co.uk/2016/11/it-could-be-worse.html" target="_blank">here </a></span><br />
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jadebiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06413526635637792044noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2817630757790422763.post-20640189358898713272016-11-04T00:00:00.000-07:002018-03-18T09:54:40.242-07:00It could be worse...<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEguAGjb78_SOFQIRFvWkD0uckH2V4sjFIQ65H4PRbnQY-aYtyWZMERCn8QOdgpB4aX0tzpI0ynZB0ZaEEdDGQEEfvXS-rdsZORy3CwY3mJvZGxhDBKOVd15_dErl8IrRr7LoHmfPI6_iMDK/s1600/IMG_2096.JPG" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEguAGjb78_SOFQIRFvWkD0uckH2V4sjFIQ65H4PRbnQY-aYtyWZMERCn8QOdgpB4aX0tzpI0ynZB0ZaEEdDGQEEfvXS-rdsZORy3CwY3mJvZGxhDBKOVd15_dErl8IrRr7LoHmfPI6_iMDK/s640/IMG_2096.JPG" width="640" /></a></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">It's been just over one week since we said our goodbyes to our deer sweet Henibean. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhdJmaPeZyZ5v_3eLn5dxniSk0XaJwLwz02chOKKByKVEFt1ZogXrC3dka4bHLutNIPjHwB6QRBnNOj1PNzmnmo1QdOC2Lmt3qCyYiWCiBDSptDt2-auTVE_lz9uKc1uxPSKGSjSTbLsDT3/s1600/14875950_10157693477130338_1232488860_o.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhdJmaPeZyZ5v_3eLn5dxniSk0XaJwLwz02chOKKByKVEFt1ZogXrC3dka4bHLutNIPjHwB6QRBnNOj1PNzmnmo1QdOC2Lmt3qCyYiWCiBDSptDt2-auTVE_lz9uKc1uxPSKGSjSTbLsDT3/s400/14875950_10157693477130338_1232488860_o.jpg" width="300" /></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">It
was such a beautiful day..... and a send off that she would have
approved of. In fact I think she may have been orchestrating the whole
affair from her mansions above!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I was going to chose autumnal colours but somehow we ended up with a beautiful shade of antique pink/lilac... flowers in her favourite colours!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgp6oq_cIrjKqUy_IQFkDE-7KMPWIW94u1GMSYwcids2ft-iFK5Y_vv49WGwp4G_SRNr-ibZTRCEbWpvll7Jjh7EWe_l4sArkHRgLPpE8TYCV4sawxB3gpTZl5SpWTkZ6ZyI-UlSKhVkcY-/s1600/14881556_10157693477425338_366665792_o.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgp6oq_cIrjKqUy_IQFkDE-7KMPWIW94u1GMSYwcids2ft-iFK5Y_vv49WGwp4G_SRNr-ibZTRCEbWpvll7Jjh7EWe_l4sArkHRgLPpE8TYCV4sawxB3gpTZl5SpWTkZ6ZyI-UlSKhVkcY-/s640/14881556_10157693477425338_366665792_o.jpg" width="480" /></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgf2rGY06H_B8PtQCPKXScSlp5oPyx4TFPhkrmhFQl4DzzzEPUxX6VqAoCrHzWK_0QnkziYCLYf3IbcZjFdzUH-C0TriR0K8NhpaLV-Jg-PKgCdBmO5ENzFzhWqgwZYoAwwRFcKKV03QvKX/s1600/IMG_1687.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgf2rGY06H_B8PtQCPKXScSlp5oPyx4TFPhkrmhFQl4DzzzEPUxX6VqAoCrHzWK_0QnkziYCLYf3IbcZjFdzUH-C0TriR0K8NhpaLV-Jg-PKgCdBmO5ENzFzhWqgwZYoAwwRFcKKV03QvKX/s320/IMG_1687.jpg" width="240" /></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEghu4FfFUcnu59nYS7sbAD6ixP0IfpaeqvN6vS-Xf0Rc1ieOePmMCeUELOYVQ_84TfIhxAvGtUYR3aeSZ1IfrHWkv9-w8-6XLtFRRIvPt5Bh1iKx_LuwlrX7Z2Awkupyc8SejdmekqiFiNt/s1600/IMG_1689.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEghu4FfFUcnu59nYS7sbAD6ixP0IfpaeqvN6vS-Xf0Rc1ieOePmMCeUELOYVQ_84TfIhxAvGtUYR3aeSZ1IfrHWkv9-w8-6XLtFRRIvPt5Bh1iKx_LuwlrX7Z2Awkupyc8SejdmekqiFiNt/s320/IMG_1689.jpg" width="320" /></a> </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> ... and her church service and short committal service at the crematorium was followed by herbal
tea with</span><span style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> canapés</span></span></span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> and cakes... a proper girl party!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhiBvP1-lK8_KU8EwEpjRpHKJI8n-15e9c13vT4Ol3VfZayawCrDetdE7s25Vl_UdPb9CE_2svjh1Ml7SYHJIHfuwnnKfDqlHbeMuxJ6t5zfyybg51w7LPACEL03yrfRzbu27UN3O3rcFJJ/s1600/14894613_10157693477210338_1204124726_o.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhiBvP1-lK8_KU8EwEpjRpHKJI8n-15e9c13vT4Ol3VfZayawCrDetdE7s25Vl_UdPb9CE_2svjh1Ml7SYHJIHfuwnnKfDqlHbeMuxJ6t5zfyybg51w7LPACEL03yrfRzbu27UN3O3rcFJJ/s640/14894613_10157693477210338_1204124726_o.jpg" width="480" /></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> Even
the memory tree was something that we hadn't considered ....but felt
inspired to do at the last minute.... a lovely way to collect lots of
treasured memories from our family and freinds about their recollections
of H and how she touched their lives... </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiuSJvbqkpI23MMnPgpCdI8hUra_6OMkPKg9yYFaMZw-RaNVL1xWdP0LihX5e5rTrA1ojEx11BZyLEi13H2W4KpcGvQl3uRoCMAOUoDjd3gYl-j7OPA8G3-Cuup-55uX5LywL1_J3r3kf0z/s1600/14881352_10157693477395338_1016045576_o.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiuSJvbqkpI23MMnPgpCdI8hUra_6OMkPKg9yYFaMZw-RaNVL1xWdP0LihX5e5rTrA1ojEx11BZyLEi13H2W4KpcGvQl3uRoCMAOUoDjd3gYl-j7OPA8G3-Cuup-55uX5LywL1_J3r3kf0z/s640/14881352_10157693477395338_1016045576_o.jpg" width="480" /></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Even the beautiful dove release to <a href="http://www.coldplay.com/recordings/ghost_stories/o/" target="_blank">Coldplays "flock of birds"</a>
felt fitting ... we released one lone dove followed by a flock of 11
others..... they all reunited in the sky as they circled our heads and
then flew on home.....and as they did we sensed that she had only
flown ahead temporarily to one day be reunited with us as we all fly
next to her....</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDVocNQw2s1r_vwIvFo9YduUBZBMxA8qhwUX1-xZ92vvUQWqutPEbwh9u2DNX_MiUm4rcJSKEG0mjCcZtGvG7RomzaKvbJVT7n3IqhMpcC5pt9uaVgyQELe-9hESG5pkdb-nXnhyphenhyphenVH_v8f/s1600/IMG_1666.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDVocNQw2s1r_vwIvFo9YduUBZBMxA8qhwUX1-xZ92vvUQWqutPEbwh9u2DNX_MiUm4rcJSKEG0mjCcZtGvG7RomzaKvbJVT7n3IqhMpcC5pt9uaVgyQELe-9hESG5pkdb-nXnhyphenhyphenVH_v8f/s640/IMG_1666.jpg" width="640" /></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZYfF9LDYzMATNU202l7BS9u2DbRBZYXfIazkECcZISYG0NToL1i-GUkc4bOuCvfX3AB83wZ8VYqBeuJ_Oav3pZnMiHhxDsNedX5lYvL3ZbcpUGz9NQQBMxLGYuPcO2uQNG-deMcw6_IBL/s1600/IMG_1692.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZYfF9LDYzMATNU202l7BS9u2DbRBZYXfIazkECcZISYG0NToL1i-GUkc4bOuCvfX3AB83wZ8VYqBeuJ_Oav3pZnMiHhxDsNedX5lYvL3ZbcpUGz9NQQBMxLGYuPcO2uQNG-deMcw6_IBL/s400/IMG_1692.jpg" width="300" /></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqKjZ15itxdgjQPA_8bYXBqsMcPmkE3QE47ufyIqhGutu5Fx_bWUQnqw5-H_yzKcvkB6uW__kVxRAy1WF-QEHnk5km18suH9g6HcczRLucGg0n1l7kwsHZVquZrzH_tLh0KnRkc5wmAOJk/s1600/IMG_0114.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqKjZ15itxdgjQPA_8bYXBqsMcPmkE3QE47ufyIqhGutu5Fx_bWUQnqw5-H_yzKcvkB6uW__kVxRAy1WF-QEHnk5km18suH9g6HcczRLucGg0n1l7kwsHZVquZrzH_tLh0KnRkc5wmAOJk/s640/IMG_0114.jpg" width="480" /></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">We
were surrounded by family and friends who poured out love and concern,
and shared our tears and our laughter on this our special day to mourn,
remember and celebrate Heni with us. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmY9IKEyeGRnWSWzhrRH9TevHj2Nxg2-vIFI_nRXiCRfsQc1q5GSdhSTpt3z6xpA8RrcMb2So_qMtXc-AmDtCMwh0t53M2DH0kcit04ND1hUVEbyRc-pQ-NlnKFOrsyCk_WSdiBh1Mgoxa/s1600/14895566_10157693476835338_1675702918_o.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmY9IKEyeGRnWSWzhrRH9TevHj2Nxg2-vIFI_nRXiCRfsQc1q5GSdhSTpt3z6xpA8RrcMb2So_qMtXc-AmDtCMwh0t53M2DH0kcit04ND1hUVEbyRc-pQ-NlnKFOrsyCk_WSdiBh1Mgoxa/s640/14895566_10157693476835338_1675702918_o.jpg" width="480" /></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> She
even sent us a beautiful sky that night to match her flowers... and to
show everyone that as we look up to the heavens there is beauty... hope...
and Peace.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhHMmmrOdJWaGc8vH2KwqF0B7jhVSXgxdi-rxJI06hhOF5eNIm2DMnPuJiZm4vDWmqxjpD1fyFPHlYi5or1n7zdmkMO-hoLqkQ-9VGGvpuFHUt6Oq43VOVxnSQWKzJ1RVa-j46Ul-T-qCAp/s1600/14729140_10153837515006861_8548654021032908510_n.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhHMmmrOdJWaGc8vH2KwqF0B7jhVSXgxdi-rxJI06hhOF5eNIm2DMnPuJiZm4vDWmqxjpD1fyFPHlYi5or1n7zdmkMO-hoLqkQ-9VGGvpuFHUt6Oq43VOVxnSQWKzJ1RVa-j46Ul-T-qCAp/s640/14729140_10153837515006861_8548654021032908510_n.jpg" width="640" /></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I will always remember that beautiful day.... as I will always remember our beautiful Heni.....</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Today,
I thought that I would share with you some of the things that I said
(as one of the speakers at the service)... and hope that within the
words you may find some comfort that you need today amid your own
trials...</span> <br />
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<div style="text-align: center;">
........................................................</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">
</span>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">We’ve
been
overwhelmed by the many, many lovely condolence messages that we have
received... and a few things written in them have helped me personally
over these last two
weeks </span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">
</span></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">
</span></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Within one of them
was a quotation by Russell M. Nelson.It said:-</span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">
</span></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">
</span></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Mourning is one of the deepest expressions of
pure love. It is a natural response in complete accord with divine commandment,
which states….</b></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">
</span></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Thou shalt live together in love in so much that thou
shalt weep for them that die” </b></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">
</span></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">
</span></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">I think that you
can safely say that we love Heni a lot… and we've shed many a tear. This
quotation gives us all license (</span><span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;"><span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">both today and in the future)</span>to show how much we love her and not be afraid
to shed some tears. </span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">
</span></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">
</span></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Equally another
poem that stood out in one of the cards was one that I had come across only a
few months ago at another dear friends funeral.</span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">
</span></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">
</span></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">It says:- </span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">
</span></span><br />
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">You can shed a <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">tear</b>
that she is gone</span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">
</span></span><br />
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Or you can <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">smile</b>
because she lived</span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">
</span></span><br />
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">You can close your eyes and pray that she’ll come
back</span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">
</span></span><br />
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Or you can open your eyes and see all she’s left</span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">
</span></span><br />
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Your heart can be empty because you can’t see her</span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">
</span></span><br />
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Or you can be full of the love you shared</span></span></div>
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</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday</span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">
</span></span><br />
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday</span></span></div>
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</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">You can remember her and only that she is gone</span></span></div>
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</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Or you can <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">cherish
her memory</b> and let it live on</span></span></div>
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</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">You can cry and close you mind</span></span></div>
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</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Be empty and turn your back</span></span></div>
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</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Or you can do what she’d want:</span></span></div>
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</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Smile</b>, open your eyes, love and go on.</span></span></div>
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</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Life is full of <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">bittersweet moments</b> and we all know in
reality that both tears <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">and</b> <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">smiles </b>are part of it. Both are
fitting and necessary. <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">We can’t fully
appreciate one without the other.</b></span></span> </div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">We’ve also received so many beautiful bouquets of
flowers</b>… each of which
has <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">conveyed love and brightened and
cheered our home</b> at this difficult time. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjOjgnwdV5irYqeHQySxsvbywueJEOOIon3vitxdeQrov5C1rIeAdjjBdICLdwa2rt0ABQ9Sw2nWuy1Z4g2WHJ9wh69_rJB39J_6vlW4e1MMA1BRuTXFaGdlK4X3IeTz9SfU9WC3OGD9S5U/s1600/FXSI0015.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjOjgnwdV5irYqeHQySxsvbywueJEOOIon3vitxdeQrov5C1rIeAdjjBdICLdwa2rt0ABQ9Sw2nWuy1Z4g2WHJ9wh69_rJB39J_6vlW4e1MMA1BRuTXFaGdlK4X3IeTz9SfU9WC3OGD9S5U/s320/FXSI0015.jpg" width="320" /></a></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Over the two
weeks I have noticed that some of the <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">delicate
flowers have only bloomed for a few short days and then withered and died</b>… whereas
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">other have lasted far longer</b> than I
though they would and are still going strong even now.</span></span></div>
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</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Those flowers <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">made me smile and they also made me think
of Heni</b> … a different exquisite bloom that has beautified and cheered our
home for over 21 years. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">When we first learned about Heni’s condition before
she was born, we thought that perhaps she would never get to blossom at all</b>…and if she did, we thought it may only
be for a few short hours, maybe days or at most a few months. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Amazingly... and Thankfully she surpassed all our
expectations</b> and has been
able to bless our lives by her presence over all these years and has left us
with <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">many precious memories</b> to
cherish that we’ve experienced together </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Another thing that has helped this past few weeks</b> are four little words….</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">... "<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u>It could be worse"...</u></b></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">When you count up
the ways in which life could be worse it <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">adds
a new perspective on the blessings </b>that you’ve been blessed with..both in the past and currently. </span></span></div>
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<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-language-override: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-synthesis: weight style; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">It could have been worse...<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Heni may never have been able to smile</b>... but she did. She cheered us with her amazing
smile that can melt any heart...And in doing so SHE made us <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">smile</b>…</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-language-override: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-synthesis: weight style; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">It could be worse... she might never have
been able to show emotions...</b>
but she did. She cheered us with her contagious giggles and she could make me
laugh on even the worst of days<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>with her
crazy cheeky personality.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-language-override: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-synthesis: weight style; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">It could have been worse</b>... <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">She
might have never had such a strong fighting spirit...</b> She had a mind of her
own and a will that was stronger than iron. She knew exactly what she wanted
and didn’t want and I have no doubt that that fighting spirit helped her
throughout her life and through the many difficult trials that she faced. </span></span></div>
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</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-language-override: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-synthesis: weight style; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">It could have been worse... we might not
have had all this time to get to know what a tease she was...</b>She had a great ability to wind me up and
know exactly how to frustrate me. And she would often <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">say no when she really meant yes. Just for fun!</b> She was always in
control. As a matter of fact, A few years ago we bought <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Heni a t-shirt</b>, which said on it <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">“I may be small but I am the boss!</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>And she was! <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">She may have been small, but she had a giant spirit full of love.</b></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-language-override: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-synthesis: weight style; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">It could be worse... we may never have had
the comforting doctrine of the gospel throughout her life and especially now.</b> One scripture that I associate with Heni states:-</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">“Men
are that they might have joy”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Heni was a "pro" at joy...she was the best
example ever.</b></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">She had an <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">ability to
beam joy and pure unconditional love to everyone she met and in whatever
circumstance she was in.</b> Even in the midst of her worst health dips she
could still smile and always showed loved and appreciation for the care that
she received... even if it was by a sneaky hair pull or pinch!</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi74rci8pY5SiQXyJNDGG-xk6i0I2ZXYEYVS3x37uZ-gDvIJ31qU9dyTJO5dCB3Vd4aNppF8xcbcFtwRVgo0Jq196Ha8Jh5xbumYZZHe18Fmx8fo2FpURtBIveAM0QkvhL6HtkRAIJaCkaR/s1600/TQEQ4213.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi74rci8pY5SiQXyJNDGG-xk6i0I2ZXYEYVS3x37uZ-gDvIJ31qU9dyTJO5dCB3Vd4aNppF8xcbcFtwRVgo0Jq196Ha8Jh5xbumYZZHe18Fmx8fo2FpURtBIveAM0QkvhL6HtkRAIJaCkaR/s320/TQEQ4213.jpg" width="320" /></a></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">She may have <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">had many constraints</b> on her physically while she lived here in her
frail little body… limitations on her movement and what she could do for herself<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">,</span> <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">But
one thing that wasn’t limited</b> was her<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">
joy.</b></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She was mostly
a very joyous, happy, fun loving person...one who was a great example to me of
someone who can be smile even amidst all of her trials.</b></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u>There
are no words to truly describe how I feel about Heni...she may have been small but she was far too big for words.</u></b></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">She was…and
still continues to be <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">my hero</b> and <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">great example</b> and I love her immensely. We have been greatly blessed by her presence in our lives and home. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">She’s now moved</b> on to greater challenges and adventures and is free
of her frail little body. And I am forever grateful for the knowledge that we
can be together again one day and see her again. I love the quotation by Elder Geoffrey R Holland: -</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">“I bear witness of that day when loved ones whom we
knew to have disabilities in mortality will stand before us glorified and grand
and breathtakingly perfect in body and mind.”</b></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">I can’t wait for the day when we can all see her without her earthly limitations. I look
forward to that day <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">with great joy</b>
and anticipation.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Until that time
sweet Heni, we <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">mourn your loss</b> <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">but also smile and celebrate</b> your
amazing life. We cherish the memories you have blessed us with...<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">thank you for everything</b>. Until we
meet again...</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">I say these
things in the name of Jesus Christ</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Amen</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDTL3GUtu3XFPysAQamw-lvgNAaAz6ETcl5HrvYj2uMJUG4Eo6xYCSs5WotLS_2Rjw_lf112Si3uZrRZqew3Mn-80CnTgN5B8r3OY4_ZUpy49xDGykGE0Y2ki4xEwAGJCviD605ZJ0s5Ob/s1600/IMG_1795.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDTL3GUtu3XFPysAQamw-lvgNAaAz6ETcl5HrvYj2uMJUG4Eo6xYCSs5WotLS_2Rjw_lf112Si3uZrRZqew3Mn-80CnTgN5B8r3OY4_ZUpy49xDGykGE0Y2ki4xEwAGJCviD605ZJ0s5Ob/s400/IMG_1795.jpg" width="300" /></span></a></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Jx</span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">If you would like to know more about Heni you can read</span>:-<br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Heni's story part 1 <a href="http://henibean.blogspot.co.uk/2015/04/henis-story-part-1.html" target="_blank">here</a></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Heni's story part 2 <a href="http://henibean.blogspot.co.uk/2015/05/henis-story-part-2.html" target="_blank">here</a></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Heni's story part 3 <a href="http://henibean.blogspot.co.uk/2015/07/heni-story-part-3.html" target="_blank">here</a></span>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Heni's story part 4 <a href="http://henibean.blogspot.co.uk/2016/02/henis-story-part-4.html" target="_blank">here</a></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Heni's 21st <a href="http://henibean.blogspot.co.uk/2016/07/21-today.html" target="_blank">here</a></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Empy chair and an aching heart <a href="http://henibean.blogspot.co.uk/2016/10/empty-chair-and-aching-heart.html" target="_blank">here </a></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">100%<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">?<a href="http://henibean.blogspot.co.uk/2016/11/100.html" target="_blank"> here</a></span></span></div>
jadebiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06413526635637792044noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2817630757790422763.post-92074197069463853582016-10-12T00:00:00.000-07:002018-03-18T09:41:37.904-07:00Empty chair and an aching heart...<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjVcbv2Jl8ngzwkh7KTViVetavWLIWNU-oZFhdL1DiOVs38iciUK43ENB-9tvHerCdgOumtIGFedKQvjyKVS0NvLK6m8_jgutMHtnwaimEfs9Wa-g0kDgkcCp0lvLOasRN4_aJqtwoz_NtX/s1600/IMG_3150.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjVcbv2Jl8ngzwkh7KTViVetavWLIWNU-oZFhdL1DiOVs38iciUK43ENB-9tvHerCdgOumtIGFedKQvjyKVS0NvLK6m8_jgutMHtnwaimEfs9Wa-g0kDgkcCp0lvLOasRN4_aJqtwoz_NtX/s640/IMG_3150.JPG" width="480" /></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> I woke up this morning after a bad night sleep to what I thought was the hum of the nebuliser down stairs.... </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Had I slept in? Was Hubby getting Heni ready for the day ahead? Then Boom... reality suddenly hit me with full force, and I was reminded of the past few days ....my heart heavy and aching with the thought that this would never be so again. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">On <span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">T</span>uesday</span> morning, after 21 years, two months and 23 days with us here....our angel Heni gained her wings while she was sleeping peacefully. Her time with us on earth was up .... It was the perfect ending to her perfect little life. She was born at home, she lived and loved at home surrounded by those who loved her.....and she died here in her own cosy bed.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">She had been ill with the usual autumnal coughs and colds for a week or so and had been having desaturation episodes where her oxygen levels would plummet....it was nothing we hadn't experienced many many times before... but his time heaven and her knew that it was time for her to go home..... time to move on to greater things. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> We thought that she was turning a corner on the upward path, as the day prior to her passing she had been brighter and seemed like the worst was over.... and in a strange way for her it was..... she had fought the good fight... kept the faith, fulfilled the challenge of living in her body and could now return home with a full assurance that her work here on earth was done. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">The hum of the nebuliser.... the whizz of the oxygen
concentrator..... the sound of the blender whizzing up her food....are all
gone now.... no longer a part of her or our lives. Her empty chair (S) (now
left behind), no longer needed to shape, support and maneuver her
around are all standing as testaments that she is now free, void of all
constraints,
frailty and weakness.....and has gone ahead as a glorious, perfect spirit
awaiting the time
that she can put on immortality and attain her reward of eternal life.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> She has touched so many peoples hearts in her earthly sojourn and we are
so thankful for the unconditional love she has brought in to all of our
lives and the lessons that she has taught us. We are grateful that her beautiful spirit
has graced our home and now the heavens will be graced and blessed by her return.....I so look forward to the day when we will see her
perfected self and be with her once more. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">This morning, when I awoke and my heart mourned, I was strangely consoled by my Facebook feed which brought up a picture of memories from seven years ago. Here, Heni was sitting at the very centre of our family surrounded by us all loving her.... and her loving us back. My heart rejoiced to know that although her chair is empty, our hearts can be filled with that love that transcends time and space. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhjhs83Mb5QoZjBWJaJZpD1TQJispq3trTbNofh193Rkmj3cad4KM3CLVKRUWYh4WQaSeouhBOjQT3eFXDO-Q1ZNCZvgB7okNqb45TyqJEBD1adTeKMvlbOpGZSKqhAH9klLT1VqiezWd9G/s1600/FullSizeRender.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="483" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhjhs83Mb5QoZjBWJaJZpD1TQJispq3trTbNofh193Rkmj3cad4KM3CLVKRUWYh4WQaSeouhBOjQT3eFXDO-Q1ZNCZvgB7okNqb45TyqJEBD1adTeKMvlbOpGZSKqhAH9klLT1VqiezWd9G/s640/FullSizeRender.jpg" width="640" /></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">She blessed our lives immeasurably and we can only mourn her loss with this love and console our aching heart with the thought that she has moved on to newer adventures</span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> being reassured that we WILL be with her again.</span> </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Until that time, Instead of asking why she left, we now need to ask ourselves what beauty she would like us to create in the space she no longer occupies.....</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjvo8gc4CRGI1Jx0MJVmomHSCDZ7stQEyRG9GqMINjX6Vsbn5tHCYcIFk20ao3Q6fuwfysifpPYbx2df1HSftOeAzPwGPBDaCy8FFxDCqQVMWCPhhi0a7vO_YxBgsMk_6M4BihLG3T7TSiD/s1600/IMG_1496.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjvo8gc4CRGI1Jx0MJVmomHSCDZ7stQEyRG9GqMINjX6Vsbn5tHCYcIFk20ao3Q6fuwfysifpPYbx2df1HSftOeAzPwGPBDaCy8FFxDCqQVMWCPhhi0a7vO_YxBgsMk_6M4BihLG3T7TSiD/s640/IMG_1496.JPG" width="640" /></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> I believe that is a challenge she would like us all to take........ until we meet again. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Jx</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg9EhGwtCbxbEs9a1keYr0FUAePcBV9OOMQZsG6oDJ0YDPVnbzKalWi2KJs40IJU421lvuehNUm_T53rI_XcYC6I0Mp-bRdch86gaAflRJLs7ajrnnZxhCReB8jMGrmCCzI95K4RzHE-q0r/s1600/IMG_3149%25281%2529.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg9EhGwtCbxbEs9a1keYr0FUAePcBV9OOMQZsG6oDJ0YDPVnbzKalWi2KJs40IJU421lvuehNUm_T53rI_XcYC6I0Mp-bRdch86gaAflRJLs7ajrnnZxhCReB8jMGrmCCzI95K4RzHE-q0r/s400/IMG_3149%25281%2529.JPG" width="300" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">If you would like to know more about Heni you can read </span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Heni's story part 1 <a href="http://henibean.blogspot.co.uk/2015/04/henis-story-part-1.html" target="_blank">here</a></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Heni's story part 2 <a href="http://henibean.blogspot.co.uk/2015/05/henis-story-part-2.html" target="_blank">here</a></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Heni's story part 3 <a href="http://henibean.blogspot.co.uk/2015/07/heni-story-part-3.html" target="_blank">here</a></span>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Heni's story part 4 <a href="http://henibean.blogspot.co.uk/2016/02/henis-story-part-4.html" target="_blank">here</a></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Heni's 21st <a href="http://henibean.blogspot.co.uk/2016/07/21-today.html" target="_blank">here</a></span>jadebiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06413526635637792044noreply@blogger.com14