One year on...

I cant quite believe as I sit here in the early hours of the morning that one whole year has passed by since the death of our sweet angel Heni. I am sitting, in perhaps what could be called the "portal to heaven"... the exact same place that we found her lying peacefully asleep... taken home to rest from her mortal sojourn.
The room has changed. Most of her "things" are lovingly packed away in her memory chest....there is no bed.... and no Her. 
The room has moved on... re-purposed in to my new craft room.... but as I sit on the sofa (where she would have been sleeping in her bed) and as I cast my eyes around, I can still see Heni. The bright multi coloured rainbow pompom banner still hangs from the window. Her photos cover the walls in family portraits. Her yearly milestone pictures hang just behind me on the wall. Her purple fluffy blanket lays next to me on the sofa ...and there is one lone piece of clothing that I still keep here in this room. Her fluffy heart dressing gown still hangs behind the door in the same place its always been. Sometimes as I walk by ...I can still see her in my minds eye all wrapped up in it after bath time. Sometimes I take it in my arms, close my eyes and imagine that she is still in it...smiling away and making her noises and smelling of mango and coconut body lotion.
Yes the room and the world moves on.... still rotates... and time passes by on lightening speed... 
but many things remain exactly the same.

Healing HEARTS

 Since my last post on Heart Photography and Visualization, where I told you about my "heart challenge",  I have continued to photograph even more hearts and post them on my Instagram account (For those of you who don't YET follow my Instagram you can see some of them when you scroll below) 
I mentioned that It all started out as a way of "intentionally looking"  but ended up with each heart being a message to me of:-

Heart Photography and visualisation

 Daughter number two says that I am obsessed..... And I guess I am!  

For many years I've loved to stroll along a beach and down a country lane looking for the perfect heart shaped rock or pebble... I always like to collect the best samples and  decorate my garden with them... some dotted around hidden in the vegetation.... and

Moments of Joy

It's been a while!
I have to admit that I haven't felt much like writing recently, as grief does interesting things to your priorities and to your brain! On the times I've wanted to write something, I haven't had the brain power to sit and concentrate... or other things come higher up on the list of current necessities and blogging gets put on the back burner. Then, there are days that you just have to go in to survival mode when you can only do the basics and the desire to blog is a far distant thought.
It's been a rough few months with many ups and downs...  and although the "ups" haven't been as up as I would like them to be..... I have tried to be diligent and consistent in plodding ever forwards, learning how to create a new, different life without Heni. It's often been a struggle along the way to search out those moments of joy that I mentioned back in a post  I wrote just before  Christmas .
Those moments of joy ARE there... they just take some searching for right now.  It's a purposeful activity. One in which if you engage in, opens your eyes and broadens your view.
Those moments often arrive when

Memorial Bench

A week ago today we got back from our yearly family trip to the Lake district here in England. It's one of my favourite places to visit... it's such a beautiful place that it draws us back time and time again.  When Heni passed away last October, we all knew that we wanted to return this year on a "memorial trip"... put a bench in a special place, and scatter some of her ashes on one of our "Heni" walks we do each year.

It took a bit of time and effort researching how to go about it all . As I approached a number of organizations to see what could be done, I felt repeatedly dejected to find that our idea was just not looking like it would ever happen.

#The Prince of Peace

If life seems to be out of balance and everything is going wrong... or everything seems to be out of kilter.... I invite you to take a look at how you can regain greater balance and peace in your life by clicking on the above video link.  

Two years and counting....

 Henibean is 2 years old today! 
I know I've not been as diligent at writing over the last month... it's been a difficult time... and I haven't felt much like sitting and tapping out my thoughts on the keyboard ....but hey this blog is about balance ... and you have to cut yourself some slack sometimes don't you? 


A lot has happened in the last two year and today I wanted to

Re-purposing... your life

 My Craft room/office has been upstairs for a few years now...
I was happy there and had no reason to be anywhere else. I loved the vantage point and the view over the garden it provided me with and enjoyed the peace and quiet ... a "Sanity Space" to write and create. But things have changed... as they always do.

 Since Heni died, I have had the difficult task of walking numerous times daily by her room and seeing everything left as it was... shelves teaming full of " friends" that she loved....

My Headspace journey...

 
Last post I mentioned that I would share a tool with you that I've been using on my journey through grief... and so today I am going to tell you a little about my experience with Headspace.

I originally came across the app about a year ago after reading a number of books on Mindfulness. I downloaded the app on my phone, and then did the free mindfulness based meditation sessions on the basic ten day program ...TAKE 10 (ten sessions of just ten minutes a day). 

Back to Basics...

I know a lot of people who are grieving for loved ones right now... and I'm sure that there are even more of you out there who are dealing with it too. It is a life passage that most of us face at some point.... and thereafter on more numerous occasions as we age and see loved ones pass on. It's an experience that is similar.. but also very different for each person, however, there are a few common things that may help "everyone"  while passing through the hurt and healing. 

2017...relaxing in to your own pace... of grief....

I wasn't really looking forward to Christmas this year... but I did my best on the run up to the big day to prepare for the rest of the family so that we could all hopefully have a nice relaxing and somewhat "fun" time together...However, It's been difficult to get into the jolly mindset when most of the time all I feel is a sense of grief. 
I haven't felt much like writing over this period either....mostly I've just wanted to hide away, be quiet and contemplate... but I did try to spend time with my lovely family ...