I cant quite believe as I sit here in the early hours of the morning that one whole year has passed by since the death of our sweet angel Heni. I am sitting, in perhaps what could be called the "portal to heaven"... the exact same place that we found her lying peacefully asleep... taken home to rest from her mortal sojourn.
The room has changed. Most of her "things" are lovingly packed away in her memory chest....there is no bed.... and no Her.
The room has moved on... re-purposed in to my new craft room.... but as I sit on the sofa (where she would have been sleeping in her bed) and as I cast my eyes around, I can still see Heni. The bright multi coloured rainbow pompom banner still hangs from the window. Her photos cover the walls in family portraits. Her yearly milestone pictures hang just behind me on the wall. Her purple fluffy blanket lays next to me on the sofa ...and there is one lone piece of clothing that I still keep here in this room. Her fluffy heart dressing gown still hangs behind the door in the same place its always been. Sometimes as I walk by ...I can still see her in my minds eye all wrapped up in it after bath time. Sometimes I take it in my arms, close my eyes and imagine that she is still in it...smiling away and making her noises and smelling of mango and coconut body lotion.
Yes the room and the world moves on.... still rotates... and time passes by on lightening speed...
but many things remain exactly the same.
Since my last post on Heart Photography and Visualization, where I told you about my "heart challenge", I have continued to photograph even more hearts and post them on my Instagram account (For those of you who don't YET follow my Instagram you can see some of them when you scroll below)
I mentioned that It all started out as a way of "intentionally looking" but ended up with each heart being a
message to me of:-
It's been a while!
I have to admit that I haven't felt much like writing
recently, as grief does interesting things to your priorities and to your brain! On the times I've wanted to write something, I haven't had the brain
power to sit and concentrate... or other things come higher up on the list of
current necessities and blogging gets put on the back burner. Then, there are days that you just have to go in to survival mode when you can only do the basics and the desire to blog is a far distant thought.
It's been a rough few months with many ups and downs... and
although the "ups" haven't been as up as I would like them to be.....
I have tried to be diligent and consistent in plodding ever forwards, learning
how to create a new, different life without Heni. It's often been a struggle along
the way to search out those moments of joy that I mentioned back in a post I wrote
just before Christmas .
Those moments of joy ARE there... they just take some searching for right now. It's a purposeful activity. One in which if you engage in, opens your eyes and broadens your view.
Those moments often arrive when
