Re-purposing... your life

 My Craft room/office has been upstairs for a few years now...
I was happy there and had no reason to be anywhere else. I loved the vantage point and the view over the garden it provided me with and enjoyed the peace and quiet ... a "Sanity Space" to write and create. But things have changed... as they always do.

 Since Heni died, I have had the difficult task of walking numerous times daily by her room and seeing everything left as it was... shelves teaming full of " friends" that she loved....

My Headspace journey...

 
Last post I mentioned that I would share a tool with you that I've been using on my journey through grief... and so today I am going to tell you a little about my experience with Headspace.

I originally came across the app about a year ago after reading a number of books on Mindfulness. I downloaded the app on my phone, and then did the free mindfulness based meditation sessions on the basic ten day program ...TAKE 10 (ten sessions of just ten minutes a day). 

Back to Basics...

I know a lot of people who are grieving for loved ones right now... and I'm sure that there are even more of you out there who are dealing with it too. It is a life passage that most of us face at some point.... and thereafter on more numerous occasions as we age and see loved ones pass on. It's an experience that is similar.. but also very different for each person, however, there are a few common things that may help "everyone"  while passing through the hurt and healing. 

2017...relaxing in to your own pace... of grief....

I wasn't really looking forward to Christmas this year... but I did my best on the run up to the big day to prepare for the rest of the family so that we could all hopefully have a nice relaxing and somewhat "fun" time together...However, It's been difficult to get into the jolly mindset when most of the time all I feel is a sense of grief. 
I haven't felt much like writing over this period either....mostly I've just wanted to hide away, be quiet and contemplate... but I did try to spend time with my lovely family ... 

A different kind of Christmas

I've just finished looking through a mountain of photographs of Christmas over the years..... and have been re-living  a life time of fun moments that we have shared together as a family with Heni. I am so grateful to have all of these memories.

This Christmas it's going to be different without her.... and we will be making new and different memories... and in that "different" kind of Christmas celebration I am looking for ways to honour and to remember her in our family festivities this year. 
One of the things I want to do, is for everyone to write a letter to Heni to put in her stocking...it's still hanging above the fire place...just like usual....
 In years ahead it will become a family history treasure to look back on and read about the things that we have done during the years. It will be a blessing to read of ways in which we have noticed Heni's influence and legacy in our lives.

LIGHTtheWORLD

This week we enjoyed a family day out to Waddesdon Manor.... a local National Trust property near where we live. We've visited it every year for a number of years now and look forward to it as part of our Christmas traditions and a way of getting us in to the festive spirit. We enjoy going to see the house, trees, lights and doing some Christmas shopping at the wooden cabin "market" set in the grounds around the Manor. 

Equipment quandries!

The hardest thing to cope with after the death of a special needs child is adjusting to the lack of their presence and love being in your home. After so many years of caring for them.... the adjustment to their "void"  and to a different "way" of life is very slow and awkward.

It's made harder by the mountain of equipment that's left behind... a living memorial of that life, each and every day it remains there.

It's not that you don't want to be reminded of  your precious child... you do...you want to remember every smile, every sound, every hug and nuance of who they were... AND be reminded of the joy, the lessons  and the good times that they brought to you. 

What you don't want, is the remembrance of all the fights for care and equipment.... and the headaches and energy spent on trying to source and meet those needs... 
Having to walk daily past a room still full of those reminders is painful.